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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating man who's still on dating sites...

60 replies

notenoughbottletonight · 13/02/2018 00:04

So I've had four 24 hour dates with a bloke who's a year older than me, 33. Haven't slept together every time, only the last one but generally just stayed up talking, kissing etc. I know it's very early days as it's only been four times BUT he's been on POF tonight, constantly. He ignores my texts for hours on what's app despite saying that he would never ignore me 🙄 When he does reply the conversation can often be quite one sided, and he'll often come on and off the app without replying to me. Apart from when we might spend an hour making innuendos/sexting in the evening at which point his replies are constant.., Stupid thing here but I added him on FB and told him and he still didn't confirm. He's told me tonight he likes me and wants to spend time with me as I've made it clear I'm not just in it for the sex. The few times I've met him I've had a really good vibe and even declared to my friends after the third time that I had a good feeling about this one. we've gone out in public for meals etc and he even offered to come and watch the new fifty shades with me. We seem to get on really well. He does seem a bit young and still lives with his parents, has no kids whereas I have three. I've asked him round a few times and he always says he'll see.

So am I expecting too much given it's early days? I asked him outright earlier if he was seeing anyone else and he said no but 🙄 Or am I wasting my time with him? He asked to take me out on valentines (cringe) which I've agreed to but he does seem to struggle to come up with ideas and I've had to decide nigh on every time.

So do I just bunk him off now or go on this valentines date? Or am I just being a bit too precious?!

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 13/02/2018 07:38

A 33 year old whose not even left home may not be ready for such a large commitment. 3 children

I agree with this. He was hoping for easy sex...you aren't giving it...so he's not that interested.

A relationship with a woman without kids would be much easier for him and realistically speaking, I'd have thought the dating market for him Has more opportunities... although him living at home will put lots of women off.

BookHelpPlease · 13/02/2018 07:40

Don't invite him to your house where your children are. You don't even know him!

PeterPiperPickedSeaShells · 13/02/2018 07:43

Presumably you are also spending lots of time on PoF because you can see he's on there for hours? Can he see that you're on there too?

Lunettesloupes · 13/02/2018 08:20

You’re making yourself very available...and he’s only keen when he feels like sex or sexting Hmm

notenoughbottletonight · 13/02/2018 09:18

Thanks for everyone's replies, all has been really helpful to read. So his POF profile says 'looking for a relationship'. I was on there because I had a feeling that he was still looking around, to my knowledge he didn't have the POF app until I saw him on there last night. It definitely looks like he's keeping his options open and I know it's early days BUT surely if you like someone then you at least know a bit and concentrate on that rather than looking for more? Seems like I'm a back up. The living at home thing does put me off tbh and the fact that I've got three kids (whom he's not been near once) does make us seem a bit incompatible. I moved out when I was 19! I do enjoy my time with him but he's into some kind of tantric type sex by the looks of it and wants to spend hours while I'm just led there after about an hour thinking just hurry up 🙈 Plus his table manners leave a lot to be desired 😬 I'm kind of talking myself out of it I think.

OP posts:
Huntinginthedark · 13/02/2018 09:20

The pof thing is a red herring! It doesn’t really matter if he’s still on it. It’s early days
The rest of the other shit is what matters

Dancingfairy · 13/02/2018 09:24

Sounds like internet dating isn't for you as many people stay on till things are exclusive. He is looking for a relationship but he isn't IN one.

notenoughbottletonight · 13/02/2018 09:26

I've been doing OLD for years now, like 4, and I've been on Leary of first and second dates but have decided or they have that it's not going to working. This is the first time I've been on four dates but I'm thinking if you don't like me enough to still be looking then just be honest and do one.

OP posts:
Dancingfairy · 13/02/2018 09:28

How soon would you like them to come off then?

Saz1995 · 13/02/2018 09:31

Sounds like he just wants sex tbh

notenoughbottletonight · 13/02/2018 09:38

Dancing I'm not asking him to come off it but to be constantly active on it obviously means I'm not good enough and he's looking for better surely? I also have other options freely available to me but have chosen not to pursue them until I'm sure that whether something will happen between us or not, as I did like him tho the past few days I'm turned right off by it all. Plus as mentioned in my OP there's a little more than the OLD involved 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Smeaton · 13/02/2018 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hewie · 13/02/2018 09:48

Get rid, deep down you know he’s a waste of time! If he’s still fishing then it’s not true love. So basically if you want a quicky happy days, want a relationship then no good!!! And as for living at home!!!! Steer clear of mommy’s boys at all costs! If you did manage to hook him you will become his new mommy! Lol. Keep fishing and enjoy it, you will meet the right one eventually. I met my chap on POF, he is the love of my life, when it happens you know. And after 4 dates if your unsure there is a reason for it. Good luck xx

Dancingfairy · 13/02/2018 09:51

True love? Its been 4 dates.

It does sound like he's looking for sex and not because he's still on pof but for the other reasons. It is going to be difficult with 3 kids to find someone who wants something long term (I say that as someone with 4) so I would get out now.

crimsonlake · 13/02/2018 09:57

I believe the problem lies with the fact that these 4 dates have been very long ones and you have slept with him, thus making you emotionally involved and overly invested in him. If you suspect he is dating other women or looking for other women I suggest you take a step back and stop having sex with him, then see where it leads.

crimsonlake · 13/02/2018 10:02

You also criticise the fact that after 4 dates he has not been near your children? This concerns me, why on earth would you introduce him to your children after such a short time?

notenoughbottletonight · 13/02/2018 10:09

Crimson - did I say anywhere that I wanted him near my children? NO. My children will not be meeting any man I'm dating or in a relationship with for a very long time. I have enough time on my hands to date someone independently of my children needing to be involved.

OP posts:
notenoughbottletonight · 13/02/2018 10:11

I think when it comes down to it maybe I'm just not that into him and needed to see some of these responses to back up how I was feeling. I have a FWB already, I certainly don't need another one!

OP posts:
boldfish · 13/02/2018 10:12

Don't accept this behaviour. If someone is making you feel shit 4 dates in, it's not worth it.

I met my husband online. Slept together after second date. Neither of us went on another date after first meeting, but didn't delete the profile until after a few weeks. Neither of us were still messaging people though.

Dancingfairy · 13/02/2018 10:13

You currently have a fwb? Sounds hypocritical if that's the case. Confused

notenoughbottletonight · 13/02/2018 10:22

Yes boldfish it's the messaging thing I'm a bit 🤔 about... Dancing - I haven't slept with my FWB since I started dating this guy. BUT it's ok for him to do then cause it's only been four dates but I can't? You've really got it in for me, not sure why either - seems you're getting over invested in this thread rather than me getting over invested over a few dates!

OP posts:
Dancingfairy · 13/02/2018 10:24

Well maybe he sense your keeping you're options open aswell,...

notenoughbottletonight · 13/02/2018 10:27

Maybe he does, he knows I'm not short of offers and because of that I think maybe I'm just better off stopping the dating now.

OP posts:
Masterbuilders · 13/02/2018 10:33

Wow some posters really seem to have it in for you op. Not quite sure what the issue is!

PinkHeart5914 · 13/02/2018 10:34

Honestly if his making you this crazy after just 4 dates, maybe his not right for you? Or maybe you want too much too Soon?

It’s been 4 dates, that is really nothing so I don’t see the issue with one keeping the options open that early on tbh.

What did you expect after such a short space of time?

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