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Original poster

Separated from husband who is a compulsive thief

40 replies

catscatscatscats · 12/02/2018 23:29

I’ve separated from my husband (sept17) after many years of unhappiness and emotional/financial abuse also no love or affection from him or to our children particularly.
Reasons for this eventually was because of his constant stealing anywhere and everywhere and tonight I find out he left the 3 children (4 6 9) in the car whilst he went into Asda to (steal) buy costumes. Is it me or is this apart from neglectful but also irresponsible. I do not trust him with them at all.

OP posts:
Jux · 13/02/2018 01:12

OK.

Well, it's illegal, and the risk of your children witnessing him being caught and carted off to a police station is quite high, so that's irresponsible and maybe neglectful too.

He's setting an appalling example too.

But you know all that.

Jux · 13/02/2018 01:14

But truthfully I think you're a journalist and making it up. No one's idiotic enough to worry about leaving kids in the car and ignore all the rest of it.

RunningOutOfCharge · 13/02/2018 01:32

jux journalist? That's generous...

Original poster
catscatscatscats · 13/02/2018 04:44

Journalist I don’t think so idiotic to worry about leaving kids in the car are you for real????? Maybe you think it’s ok.
Iam concerned for the safety of my children when my husband has them. Your hurtful comment is unkind perhaps you think leaving two small children 2/3 alone IN the pool in Centre Paris whilst you pop to the loo is idiotic to worry about too!
He has no idea of the implications that his actions could have.
Yes I’m sure they know what he does my little one put sweets in his pocket once and said daddy does it!.
He is supposed to be a responsible adult an accountant in fact but hasn’t learnt by being caught SEVERAL TIMES.

OP posts:
Original poster
catscatscatscats · 13/02/2018 05:07

Sorry should say Centre Parcs

OP posts:
DarkPeakScouter · 13/02/2018 05:14

Can’t quite see what your question is - he’s obv well out of line

Original poster
catscatscatscats · 13/02/2018 05:26

I’m sorry there’s so much more to it it’s quite early days re split and I’m trying to handle things although struggling my son 9 is very angry at times he hit me the other day and made me cry because I took xbox remote off him he’d already played on it for over an hour then watched something and went back on it. He says I made dad leave I didn’t how do I make him understand without ( or with) telling him the real reasons?

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 13/02/2018 05:51

He sounds like an unreliable and at times dangerous idiot. I wouldn’t want to leave my dd with him.

Are you asking people what they think you should perhaps tell your 9 yo ds about the split?

category12 · 13/02/2018 08:27

Since the dc know he steals already, then there's no reason not to say explicitly "we split up because daddy keeps stealing and won't stop". Consequences.

Jux · 13/02/2018 11:50

He STEALS. As a matter of course.

Of course he's irresponsible, unsafe, everything he shouldn't be. You could report him and have done with him completely. Why haven't you? Why didn't you report him before? Did you think that's a grey area? It isn't. It's your clearly marked way out.

Original poster
catscatscatscats · 13/02/2018 22:23

Mummyoflittledragon
Thank you.
Yes I suppose I just wanted some pointers how to handle things with him. Clearly he thinks he’s coming back or might as he’ll say can dad come with us can he come on holiday can he stay the night!!

OP posts:
Original poster
catscatscatscats · 13/02/2018 22:30

Jux. I have reported what he is doing where and when to the police and left it with them but nothing has come if it. Apparently cctv in some stores is not manned constantly and he’s very clever blind spots etc. Approached store manager once in a supermarket had proof of what he’d bought and what he came home with but just said they would increase security. Another large store M and S apparently don’t prosecute can’t believe it myself Perhaps I should send them an anonymous letter and attach a photo of him as he is a regular there. Should I perhaps ring them but would they listen ???

OP posts:
underthecorktree · 13/02/2018 22:33
Confused
Haffiana · 13/02/2018 22:38

So you want your husband arrested? Why? What exactly are you trying to achieve? Are you angry and trying to punish him?

Do you want him to have no access to your children? Is that what is behind all this?

If he is a convicted criminal he is still their father and they still have a right to see him. He will still have a right to see them unless he is violent and a court orders otherwise.

Haffiana · 13/02/2018 22:44

Since the dc know he steals already, then there's no reason not to say explicitly "we split up because daddy keeps stealing and won't stop". Consequences.

I cannot fucking believe that anyone would suggest telling small children this. Yeah sure, smash their little world up just to be spiteful and vengeful.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 13/02/2018 22:47

Since the dc know he steals already, then there's no reason not to say explicitly "we split up because daddy keeps stealing and won't stop". Consequences.

Don't do this. One of the most ridiculous ideas I've heard.

Ivebeenaroundtheblock · 13/02/2018 22:50

i would like to discuss this with a social worker, do you have a way of contacting one via the school or gp?
i'm a firm believer in honesty is the best policy when it comes to huge matters (not haircuts or dress style) but i would run it through a professional's opinion first.

category12 · 13/02/2018 22:52

According to the OP he has the dc in the car while he's in a store stealing. What happens when he gets caught and the dc end up going to the police station with him? According to the OP, the dc have taken sweets and when challenged said "daddy does it". There needs to be some intervention or these dc will grow up thinking thieving is normal and OK.

Something's got to change. It's no good pretending his behaviour is alright.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 13/02/2018 22:53

DC do not need to be dragged into adult arguments. Especially out of spite.

category12 · 13/02/2018 22:57

So how is OP going to stop him taking the dc out stealing with him, if she''s not permitted to explain that Daddy's behaviour is wrong?

Ivebeenaroundtheblock · 13/02/2018 23:04

again not out of spite just being honest about something that is criminal.
something that at some point will blow up in everyone's face.

Haffiana · 13/02/2018 23:07

What happens IF he gets caught?! WTF has that got to do with real life?

According to the OP she had three children with a 'compulsive thief' which is really, really not the fault of either him or the children themselves.

She has finally separated from him, good. And rather than deal with her children wanting their estranged Dad and blaming her - which is perfectly normal in children in separations as they don't understand and they are deep down worried that it is their fault- she is creeping around trying to get DH arrested!

Haffiana · 13/02/2018 23:09

How normal parents deal with this sort of issue is explain and teach that STEALING is wrong. Not that the children's father is wrong.

FFS.

Joysmum · 13/02/2018 23:35

Nah fuck it, hope he get caught and prosecuted. I’d want any thief to be so why shouldn’t he be. Good for you OP Smile

Original poster
catscatscatscats · 14/02/2018 08:25

Thank you yes he does want to be caught he’s 53 supposedly a professional accountant dealing with peoples income etc and I know a few have been investigated too. Sure I don’t want my children growing up knowing their farther is a theif or be involved in this. Apart from this until now he’s not had much interest in the kids anyway.

OP posts: