Separated from husband who is a compulsive thief

[catscatscatscats]

I’ve separated from my husband (sept17) after many years of unhappiness and emotional/financial abuse also no love or affection from him or to our children particularly.
Reasons for this eventually was because of his constant stealing anywhere and everywhere and tonight I find out he left the 3 children (4 6 9) in the car whilst he went into Asda to (steal) buy costumes. Is it me or is this apart from neglectful but also irresponsible. I do not trust him with them at all.

Personally if he can't stop himself from doing it whilst he has responsibility of the children ,then I would not hand them over to him. Tell him you are considering changing his visiting /care rights and will have no problem explaining the details why if he won't stop doing it.

I can assure you I am not creeping around far from it. It’s wrong and I want to protect my children. Have also sent you a pm.

Thank you a good idea perhaps he will get help. Not unreasonable I think to suggest.

How can she effectively teach them stealing is wrong, when daddy dearest does it in front of them? Ffs.

And in real life, thieves do get caught, and if the dc are in the car waiting, they're going to have an er interesting day.

The dc know he steals. That horse has bolted. There's some doublethink here: teach dc it's wrong to steal, but "daddy steals", but can't mention that he's wrong to do that, cos that's "spiteful". It doesn't have to be.

Xposted

Cats, you need to speak to your husband, adult to adult to sort out your issues. You do not need to tell your children anything. Compulsive stealing of this sort - shoplifting - is a symptom of mental stress and he needs help.

Shoplifting does not make your children unsafe. You cannot change visiting rights because of allegations such as this and almost certainly even if he had a conviction - just read this forum to see that even abusive fathers have rights to see their children unless there is a record of violence.

Category, you are really a bit nuts and I am wondering whether you are even old enough to be a parent yourself. If the DC 'know Daddy steals' (how exactly? X-ray vision from the car park??) then what is the difference if he gets caught?

What sort of parent tells children of 9, 6 and 4 that their father whom they love is a thief? OP needs to be an adult, deal with it as an adult and not stoop to playground blaming games especially when her children are dealing with their own grief at their parent's break up.

Her children need protecting in their innocence and childhood. Op will need to do that even if her husband is in fact arrested in spite of her personal feelings on the matter. He is their father, he is the man she chose to be their father. The fact he steals does not mean that he doesn't love his children.

Bull, a thief is a thief. Other thrives face the consequences of their actions as should he. He doesn’t deserve special treatment and the kids would do well to learn that parents aren’t infallible and actions have consequences.

I imagine that if he's caught, and if he does because he has a mental health problem, then he will use that as his defence and he will probably just be referred to a psychiatrist or similar to get the help he needs. If, however, he's doing it for shits and giggles, then he has no mitigation and will be dealt with accordingly.

Either way, what he's doing is illegal and wrong, and he is showing his children that, actually, it's perfectly acceptable. What would you do about that? Just say, oh well, daddy's different, it's alright when he does it. Bollocks to that.

Haffiana, if you read the op's posts the dc are aware of his thieving. The difference if he gets caught, and they're in the car, is that they will see him taken away in handcuffs and likely end up waiting for the op in a police station. I don't see what's so difficult to understand about how that would be worse. If I'm a bit nuts at least I can read the op's posts.

So he’s not stealing out of necessity/ extreme poverty....
Mental health issues certainly puts a different spin on this.
Profession help is needed for the family to get through this.

Haffiana - I think you need to READ the posts if you had you will see that my 4 year old (3 at the time) has seen my H take something as he did it and said daddy does it. On a number of occasions the children have been with him and he has come home with more items that paid for (I checked) B and Q with my son (8) took 2 packs of batteries the list goes on and on. If you have nothing better to say don’t bother by the way I’m in my forties!!!

No he doesn’t steal out of necessity however he pleads poverty he does it as a thrill I think getting something for nothing - got caught once whilst I was in the phone to him taking some chewing gum from Wilco!! I heard the whole thing as he got aprehended - had to pay £80 fine!! He has no respect for me or the children.

Won’t seek help at all tried that - won’t admit its a problem.

Hes an accountant with a criminal record for theft?

Exactly! He's violating all sorts of professional codes of conduct and even if he can keep his job, may struggle to get credit, insurance etc. It's serious stuff.

And yes I absolutely would tell the dcs that stealing is wrong, regardless of if daddy does it. If they figure out that doing it makes him a thief then sadly they would be entirely correct. If he's behaving like this in front of them you can only shield them so far.

What a mess. He doesn't sound particularly well.