Feeling broken!

[PeacefulPoster]

Does anyone on here have any advice on how to successfully navigate online dating - does it even actually work 🙄!

I’m six months in and already a little broken when I began I now feel totally lost, worthless and hopeless - broken isn’t a big enough word to cover it.

I can ignore and block the dodgy messages they’re the least of my problems.

Firstly was the guy who went to work away after five dates where he would stay in digs each night. The last message I received was ‘I’m really going to miss you, i’ll text you when I get there’. The next four days there was no word from him, messages were read, it said he was online but not one message. By day three I’d chalked it up to experience but oh no it didn’t end there. Day five he was home again messaged and said sorry my phone died and I didn’t have my charger with me!!

Then came the one who FaceTimed me every day for two weeks and text all day long. We immediately arranged to meet up as soon as we were both free which happened to be in two weeks time. The Friday before we FaceTimed as usual, he said all the right things, he couldn’t wait to see me in person. Would meet at half seven ect ect. The following morning there was no morning message and never heard from him again, not a thing. Until ten weeks later when I got a message, Hi - how are you? !!!

Number 3, six dates - going amazing. Made plans for New Years Eve together. New Years Eve Eve - no telephone call like usual just a ‘Sorry got to work now. Catch up soon’. Then nothing for two weeks, I finally get a message out on the blue that says ‘All the best for 2018’ on the 16th January!

And that brings me to the most recent, we immediately seemed to hit off, he lived 10mins away, there was nothing to compromise on and we just had so much in common. He worked away on the oil rigs which meant we couldn’t meet up for four weeks which suited me. I’m used to being on my own just me and my son so loved the thought of periods of time to myself to get used to a relationship. We would message ten times a day and talk most nights. I sent a message to say ‘Bed for me now - speak tomorrow’ and he replied ‘wish I was there to snuggle up with you - can’t wait to see each other’. The following morning I sent a message which kept bouncing back. So I thought maybe a dodgy signal in the middle of sea ect so went on to message him on the dating website. When I clicked on his profile it came up ‘User has deleted his profile’. Not heard a thing since!

I’m so weary to try again. It’s an emotional rollercoaster and I am emotionally exhausted by it not to mention broken beyond belief. All I want is honesty, it’s the ignoring and game playing I’m finding so hard. If they change there mind why can they not just say.

I’m 38 and feel like this is it for me - I don’t know if I can take much more of this and maybe I should just accept the fact that I’m going to be alone! I’d just like to find someone to love and share my life with. Maybe I am just not the type of person people fall in love with.

You and me both. I can't be arsed tbh. Going to grab a packet of crisps, do you want one?

I meant to say, it's not you and avoid the oil rig workers, they are notorious players! Usually married too!

Thanks for the crisps - I have Malteasers if you want some 😂!

It really shouldn’t be this hard should it. I’m not asking for a lot! xx

Nope. They're emotionally challenged and probably getting offers of sex elsewhere? I dunno I have no clue tbh. I'm struggling to hold bloody conversations together on Tinder! Who'd have thought a 'chat' could be so challenging?! No sense of humour, shit spelling, it's mind boggling!

Pass me those Malteasers for goodness sake!

Don’t get me started on the spelling! Or you ask a question and they answer but don’t ask anything back! It’s hard work 😓

Yep! I feel like saying 'you know what love, just feck off!' But that would make me sound unhinged but that's how I feel! ARGHH!

It's so DEPRESSING! 😩

Hey Peaceful come over to the Dating Thread; you’ll realise you’re not alone in feeling jaded and exhausted (and quite probably gobsmacked at the number of twats that amass on OLD). You’ll also realise it comes and goes in waves and if you’ve had quite a few dickheads you’ll be due a decent one soon.

I say this as someone a good ten years older than you, thus with (you’d think) a significantly smaller dating pool. But I’m still pretty hopeful and upbeat about it, based on recent experience. Of course by next week I could be sewing my bits shut and retreating to a nunnery; that’s the nature of OLD and it’s good to have a group of people going through the same ups and downs.

Anyhow, you’re more than welcome and either way I hope you feel better soon

And you too Bibidee or I’ll Pollyanna the pair of you

Got any pork scratchings?

That is so bonkers what shit luck!

Maybe they are just the regular players and you've caught them all at once.

So in the space of six months - four different guys. You cannot have really liked all four of them to the same degree could You? If you did you're not being selective enough. Baring in mind you've spoken to four in six months, they've probably done the same the other way round too...and either found someone better suited for decided not to bother. If you walked into a pub full of men, you couldn't rationally expect to have a relationship or hit it off with everyone you spoke to , OLD is no different, if you rationalise it. Do you think you could do to not invest to much until it goes beyond a few dates? The whole point of dating after all is to try each other on for size.

lesiMiserable it’s so not about how much I liked them or wether they liked me and xhanged there mind! It’s about mutual respect and common decency - a ten second text to say sorry your not for me or I’ve changed my mind is all it would take. It’s the fact that they all picked me up and put me down as and when it suited with no explanation. As for not investing so much I’m afraid I’m definitely someone who goes with there feelings, that’s just how I’m built. And you absolutely correct I couldn’t of possibly expected to have a relationship with all of them, there would quite possibly of come a time when I realised that one or another of them were not right for me - the bid difference being I would of put on my big girl pants and told them so!

Eeekk typing fast and not checking my spelling sorry xx

Well you can't say fairer than that. As long as you vehafevwith integrity, that's the only control we have. But again, all four 'dropped' you, which leads me to think you would have continued on with all four of them, which is what I mean when I say, are you being picky enough?

My typing leaves a lot to be desired too it appears 😂

Aww I feel your pain I was on tinder for about a year and a half before I met my DP.
I specifically remember one unpleasant experience (of many lol).
I had a scheduled the fourth date with one guy (we hadn't been intimate, I always make them wait thank goodness otherwise I think my head would have fallen off) anyway I digress, 7 pm comes , I'm all dressed up and ready to go , I send the text "nearly ready" it's read and then literally within minutes he blocks me on everything !
I just thought he probably thought had a better offer/ been dating another girl simultaneously etc. Months later he messages me and tells me it was because he really wanted to go out, all his mates were going to some club / rave . I was astounded . Needless to say I didn't respond to his text.

My DP was totally worth the wait though btw and would never dream of treating anyone like that .

Keep going , it's a numbers game xx

I think arranging a date relatively quickly, and not speaking too much (or barely at all) before 1st date is definitely a good idea. Save you wasting time in some scenarios where youre being strung along and then it comes to nothing.

I have just deleted a guy because he hadn't asked me any questions!

a strange but true story........

I live quite rurally in Scotland... this is relevant...

met up with my friends for a girls night in.. some married most single/divorced/separated... maybe 12 of us in total.... a few drinks good chat....

subject turns to the gals that were online dating/chatting whatever ...

when it slowly dawns on the group... that 5 of them had at one point been conversing with the same two guys...

I mean ... what are the chances.... no actual dates but chatting.. texting.. for hours.. weeks.. thankfully they all took it in good humour.. but lordy WTF...

so ladies I sympathise... it must be a nightmare navigating these apps... whilst trying to trust...

I think definitely sooner you meet the better. I've wasted so much time chatting online or texting and then to meet and nothing. You need a thick skin. I know everyone is busy but a couple of seconds to text isn't too much to ask surely. I was chatting to a guy really clicked. He disappeared mid conversation and came back 5 days later and took up where we left off. How rude are these men !!!

FuckItPassMeTheWine thanks, it’s good to know there’s a little hope!

It begs belief that grown men behave like this! The last guy, he was probably the one I had the most hope for that it could develop into something is still messing with my head. I cannot fathom how a guy can go from sending you a message at midnight that says ‘wish I was there to snuggle up with you - can’t wait to see you’ to blocking and deleting his profile by 7am the next morning 🙄🙄! It affected me more than I care to admit!

dirtybadger that’s exactly the conversation I had with my friend earlier! And if I can muster the courage to continue in the future it will be my new golden rule x

Feeling your pain... I'm 39 and been on dating sites for almost a year. Get the feeling now that it's just not the answer for me :(

gemini I’m that jaded at present it doesn’t surprise me!

chocolate123 I honestly worry that there are no good guys left and that at 38 any worth having have been snapped up! Either that or it’s just me! 🙈

I understand your pain having been on the receiving end of being ghosted. I recently heard from a guy who ghosted me 4 months ago. I responded to him like this...