Feeling broken!

[PeacefulPoster]

Does anyone on here have any advice on how to successfully navigate online dating - does it even actually work 🙄!

I’m six months in and already a little broken when I began I now feel totally lost, worthless and hopeless - broken isn’t a big enough word to cover it.

I can ignore and block the dodgy messages they’re the least of my problems.

Firstly was the guy who went to work away after five dates where he would stay in digs each night. The last message I received was ‘I’m really going to miss you, i’ll text you when I get there’. The next four days there was no word from him, messages were read, it said he was online but not one message. By day three I’d chalked it up to experience but oh no it didn’t end there. Day five he was home again messaged and said sorry my phone died and I didn’t have my charger with me!!

Then came the one who FaceTimed me every day for two weeks and text all day long. We immediately arranged to meet up as soon as we were both free which happened to be in two weeks time. The Friday before we FaceTimed as usual, he said all the right things, he couldn’t wait to see me in person. Would meet at half seven ect ect. The following morning there was no morning message and never heard from him again, not a thing. Until ten weeks later when I got a message, Hi - how are you? !!!

Number 3, six dates - going amazing. Made plans for New Years Eve together. New Years Eve Eve - no telephone call like usual just a ‘Sorry got to work now. Catch up soon’. Then nothing for two weeks, I finally get a message out on the blue that says ‘All the best for 2018’ on the 16th January!

And that brings me to the most recent, we immediately seemed to hit off, he lived 10mins away, there was nothing to compromise on and we just had so much in common. He worked away on the oil rigs which meant we couldn’t meet up for four weeks which suited me. I’m used to being on my own just me and my son so loved the thought of periods of time to myself to get used to a relationship. We would message ten times a day and talk most nights. I sent a message to say ‘Bed for me now - speak tomorrow’ and he replied ‘wish I was there to snuggle up with you - can’t wait to see each other’. The following morning I sent a message which kept bouncing back. So I thought maybe a dodgy signal in the middle of sea ect so went on to message him on the dating website. When I clicked on his profile it came up ‘User has deleted his profile’. Not heard a thing since!

I’m so weary to try again. It’s an emotional rollercoaster and I am emotionally exhausted by it not to mention broken beyond belief. All I want is honesty, it’s the ignoring and game playing I’m finding so hard. If they change there mind why can they not just say.

I’m 38 and feel like this is it for me - I don’t know if I can take much more of this and maybe I should just accept the fact that I’m going to be alone! I’d just like to find someone to love and share my life with. Maybe I am just not the type of person people fall in love with.

Same here, except as soon as they show, any fuckwittery I block them everywhere so I don't get the text give weeks later. I also block if I 'dump' them, it's just not worth the risk of vile messages.

I've had a bit of a rest from it since end of last year, but ready to start again I think.

chaosandmadness love it 😍!

SeniorRita Fuckwittery is my new favourite word - blocking is the way forward I guess! Surely it shouldn’t be this much hard work 😓 x

At times OLD is hard work but once you weed out the perverts, married ones and game players there can be some nice ones. I developed a thick skin very quickly and the first sign of game playing and they were gone. I have met someone very nice and have been seeing him for about 3 months now (although I am still a little bit guarded)

Aaaah chaosandmadness that’s lovely, and gives me some hope! I struggle with trusting at the best of times so I’m finding it difficult- I definitely need to be more guarded and distance myself a little xx

Chaos that's amazing; well played I would sack him off for not knowing the difference between your and you're let alone the rest of it.

Peaceful it's definitely not just you. You're always going to hear stories from people who signed up to OLD, went on one date and met the love of their life, but I think that is vanishingly rare and for the rest of us you have to wade through a lot of shit to find something good. Multi dating can be daunting/tricky but I do think it's the way to go at the start to avoid overinvesting/ massive disappointment. I'm meeting someone tomorrow who on paper seems perfect - other than the fact he lives in Ireland and I live in England (although I am Irish) - but I'm going in with my eyes wide open and very low expectations, and I am still talking to several other people so that if/when it all goes tits up or we find each other repulsive in the flesh it's not going to be a massive, crushing disappointment... although it might be for the others on the OLD thread

vet I hope all goes well for you on your date. And you're right - you do have to detach a bit and stop yourself from becoming over invested too soon. I was always brutally honest with any of the men I dated and told them I wouldn't be letting any guard down until I was sure there was no game playing involved. The man I'm now dating appreciated my honesty and was prepared to move at a speed I'm happy with. I think if they are genuine they will invest the time and effort in you

There definitely are good guys , it's tough but honestly worth it.
At least you have plenty of amusing pub stories , granted it isn't funny at the time but in a couple of months you will probably not understand what the attraction was to begin with.
All rejection hurts a little bit , but tomorrow is another day and there are millions of lovely & honest men out there in this world . Xx

Change dating site and arrange date asap don't spend hours talking etc and waste ure time if it doesn't work out don't even do it after first date u need to get a little player in u and make ure rules up what ure doing just now isn't working so change it up stop getting into emotional relationship over the phone and get into a real relationship face to face

Vet too right it will 😋 (tongue out emoji especially for you)
And not stalking you, promise

Chaos that is utterly brilliant. I had a guy I had a brief.....thing with message me recently after 4 YEARS 🙄 CBA to respond, and it was on FB so I couldn’t use your reply, but I’m deeply tempted to if I get any similar texts. Class.

Feel free to borrow my text whenever the need arises

*FuckItPassMeTheWine
*
Where are all these lovely men hiding???

Lots of the truly nice blokes will have been binned off when they forgot to text 'good morning' once in week 4 of dating and were ruled by the MN jury to be momumental emotionally abusive knobheads.

You are not alone...it can be hard work. I've been back online since December - saw one guy for about 8 dates before he made a comment about me going to dinner with a friend who is married and how this is not normal behaviour .

Then started seeing someone else we've had four dates over three weeks and I think I am being ghosted...

What is wrong with people...what am I doing wrong....

To answer your questions pw

99.9% of the time there is nothing 'wrong' with people.

And

Unless you are stressing over texting or trying to rush things needlessly, you are more than likely not doing anything wrong.

Timing is everything and its completely out of everyone's hands.

Awww no pw it’s a minefield isn’t is!!

I disagree with Lesis I think there is something WRONG with some people. Any man, or woman for that matter that thinks ghosting is acceptable has something wrong with them in my eyes 👀!

Onwards and upwards - I’ve been told it’s a numbers game so it’s my new tactic 😂😜 x

Thank you peaceful - i agree with you - however hard, I would never just ghost anyone - we all deserve better...

Good luck with your search 🙂

See I think the opposite - ghosting isn't nice i agree with that, but do we really owe virtual strangers anything? Any part of ourselves? If someone ghosts you its a blessing for you, it makes it crystal clear very quickly that they weren't the one for you. No message is also a message and an easily translated one at that. Doesn't make them awful just not perfect.

I think the trouble is you're investing way too much in someone you've not met. At this stage you should be taking everything with a pinch of salt and organising to meet in person, otherwise you run the risk of building them up in your mind to be something they're unlikely to live up to.

I understand what you're saying about common decency, however having been on the receiving end of shitty messages when trying to let people down gently I sadly decided it just wasn't worth the hassle and reserved explanations only for those I'd actually met in the flesh. For the most part OLD is a numbers game, it's great if you can just go with the flow and not take it too seriously but thoroughly depressing if you're a wear your heart on your sleeve kinda person. The best advice I can give is to not take it to heart if someone drops off the radar. There are good guys out there, I'm marrying one of them later this year, but I had to kiss a lot of frogs before I found him.

@PeacefulPoster

I culled a few guys I was talking too last night after we spoke on your thread! I was just so ARGHH at the bloody mindless conversation and when you find you're the one asking all the questions!

I’m 38 and feel like this is it for me - I don’t know if I can take much more of this and maybe I should just accept the fact that I’m going to be alone!........whattttttt!!!!????
Come on PeacefulPoster!! Pull yourself up! You're watching too much tv. I have mayonnaise in my fridge older than 38 years!! - you are a baby - a naughty baby actually for using the language of despair and giving up.

Here goes... online dating is a wild west, and you are likely to meet all sorts. Don't put all your eggs in that basket. Also, love itself has a way of finding you, sometimes when you least expect it, or when you are not even actively 'looking for it'. Take it easy and give them a chance to pursue you. The danger of online dating is things can escalate pretty quickly and you can exchange messages and feel intimate to someone without really knowing each other. The fallout , if things don't work out and the whole thing crumbles to earth, can be quite devastating. Look after your whole life and your whole self - and not just your online self. Start to engage and enjoy life in the now - right now and exercise and pump blood around and your focus will begin to shift else where. Then boom!!!! Love, if not loves will not only chase you but catch up with you, and overtake you!!!! Come on - go out there and smell the roses. None of this pity party!!

Bibbidee I have been brutal today as well! A new outlook on OLD, i’ll still struggle not to wear my heart on my sleeve but I’m a little more self aware. But I still wore my big girl pants and told them - common decency and all that 😜!

MoyoGaza I know, I know - pull myself together and dust myself off! I’m trying again with a little more objectivity x

Moyo great post (advice in the end)! You've managed to instantly fill me with optimism

The last date I managed to organise via OLD told me on the way to our date that he was married 😡 that his wife was ill and he has needs. Turned out his wife had cancer. What a fucking gem 😡