Odd encounter with man ...thoughts please

[Crazymaisienumber9]

Ok I'm going to get straight to the point. I'm in my early 50s. Utterly useless socially, as will become evident. Single for 12 years. Long term relationship ended cos ex cheated recurrently. Have shut off from relationships as i really dont want to put myself in that position ever again. So i recently had a minor but multi-car accident, it was a very early, wet, dark morning on the motorway. One of the people involved was a 33 year old guy. Due to the odd circumstances of the accident, insurance stuff, bit of police info, with swapped details ive had to speak to and text this guy. Anyway this guy texts me again the other night about some info re the accident and ends up asking me if i work shifts.( I was in my uniform on way to work at time of the accident) I thought this was odd, i answered and because i was a little horrified that he was now in personal territory, i subtly put in i was 52 as part of my answer to ward him off. I'm very realistic about my looks age etc so at this stage im laughing to myself as I knew he was young. Anyway he then goes on to ask if I like coffee, if i have a boyfriend, married or have kids. (none ) I say im happy single, ex is happy, im happy. All of this isn't in one text but over the course of the conversation . Honestly im not taking it seriously starting off by agreeing to the coffee but not for a week or so cos I thought he would just forget about it . I jokingly said can i bring my 4 kids along as i havent got a babysitter. This was my way of getting him to run for the hills and then ask why wasnt he out on a Friday night looking for Mrs right. He then goes on to say he was really just being friendly re the coffee , it was very normal for him in his work ( he is a civil engineer ) ( he was in a boiler suit of sorts when we had the crash) and that he was married and he would understand if i didn't want to go. So I'm now thinking he IS running for the hills. So i said I was embarressed ( I wasnt) and that I wouldn't meet for coffee as I can't mess with the sisterhood. But to take care and goodbye . Or so i thought ...then he says 'dont go all weird on me you say youre happy but I'm not so sure hence the coffee'. He then tells me to still meet him as I might enjoy it and take it from there' ! Im weirded out by the whole thing especially his observation about my happiness. Believe me I have absolutely no romantic interest here. Even if he were single never in a month of Sunday's would I go out with a 33 year old. God it's bad enough looking at my own wrinkles without having an audience ! But I'm curious what he has seen in me that makes me be seen as unhappy. I dont walk around grumpy or maudlin . I dont tell anyone about me or how i really feel about things. I'm not a saddo and would hate being pitied. I've thought maybe this guy is trying to speak to me personally about the crash as I was the innocent one in the accident.

Any thoughts would be welcome. Honestly im not completely bonkers.

He sounds dodgy. Weird people try to force intimacy by saying very personal things very early on.

Be creeped out. Don’t do coffee! He’s not nice.

Avoid like the fecking plague.

Because some men will say anything to get you where they want you... psycho babble,bs, "insightful " things,things to throw you off be it by being very crude ,or pretending they "know" you better than you know yourself.
I had a persistent guy asking me out. The issues were that i had a bf,i was not attracted to me in the slightest and he was my boss(I don't think he was single either). I politely said no several times. Then I said I have a boyfriend and his reply was that he'd seen us together and I didn't look like "i belonged to him" and i still act single. WTF?!?! The cherry on the sexual harassment cake when none of this worked was to tell me he'll have a bath and wank thinking of me. Because that was exactly what would make me melt in a puddle at his feet.
Some men are twats.🙄

Eeeww

You started off (naturally) horrified by him turning the conversation personal... and yet he managed to then get loads more personal information off you, and to leave you doubting yourself about appearing in need of pity.

This man is as shady as fuck. Block his number and do everything else through insurance companies.

Really hard to tell by what you've written tbh. Just ignore and move on

Creepy creepy creepy!

Don’t go near him. I’m amazed you even engaged after the “do you work shifts” text. You know you don’t have to have a conversation with people don’t you? He basically engineered a whole conversation that you were very uncomfortable with and yet you replied (in the positive!) every single time! You need to work on your boundaries and assertiveness.

He's a chancer IMHO.
In his head, he thinks because you are a mature, single woman, you'll be flattered into bed by the attention of a young "stud".
Ignore, ignore ignore.

Sounds like he's looking to play away from home and from what men have told me older women seem more up for it these days and younger men find it a turn on ...

Block him . Inappropriate from someone with a missus . Some men are like vultures these days , desperate .

that he was married and he would understand if i didn't want to go.
Do you think he's mentioned to his wife that he's working to persuade you to meet up with him? I'm thinking not...he's a bit bored, and is seeing if he can hook you in. I would cool things off with him if I were you, and avoid telling him any more about you or your DCs.

He sounds like a bloke I met recently - a narcissist looking for prey/supply. Don't give it to him.

he fancies himself as a player and he's using you for target practice

I'd say he's negging in a subtle way.

I've had this with blokes in the past. I used to think that they could see something that I was not aware of, that I was this or that or the other and I used to doubt myself and think that they were so perceptive to see something that I was totally unaware of. Then I wised up - it is a trick, a con, designed to put you on the back foot, to get you to doubt yourself & to keep you interested & coming back for more. Just think of it as a cheap party trick to try & make themselves look superior & knowing. Ignore him.

I couldn't be bothered to explain what negging is, but Emma did it perfectly!

Total con. Creepy. I know someone like this who’s young and handsome with a beautiful young wife but has a thing for older women. He tried it on with me numerous times in various ways, I cut him off each time.
Now we no longer work together I sometimes think about telling his poor wife. She must know because he’s in permanent letch mode and well known for messaging women for sex.

He’s just asserting things that are true for almost everybody like a fortune teller does. He hasn’t seen anything in you that you haven’t told him. He is also deliberately messing with your head to throw you - first flirting, then saying he was just being friendly, then flirting again, then introducing the wife, then flirting again. You do not owe a man a conversation just because he wants to have one. If the accident is in the hands of the insurers then block him. You don’t need to tell him why.

I would have shut him down when he asked if I worked shifts. You have nothing in common with him except a bump with your car. You owe him nothing but your insurance details.

Run for the hills. That’s one big weirdo you have there.

Turned on by your uniform?
Definitely dodgy.

He is playing some sort of game. You do not have to play and are free to disengage without fear of rudeness. He may well act like you are being rude, but his opinion is not valid on this matter as he has a vested interest in continuing to mess wih you ('cos it's fun, for whatever reason).

Do not communicate with him again unless it is directly related to the car incident.

Block his calls.
Another time don't give so much personal information to a stranger, you have no idea what his intentions are.

Thanks everybody, this has been an education ...never heard of negging! Yes I know I'm too nice for my own good. Pathetic i know. Why I avoid relationships i just end up in bother, its a minefield. Anyway all my alarms bells starting going off but I seem incapable of just being brutal and telling people to just sod off. It amazes me that people can just be soooo weird. Thanks again, I havent answered his last text from friday so im off to block his number.

He sounds really weird and I'd be offended at the notion he's invited me out for a pity coffee, the "you say you're happy but you may not be hence the coffee" stuff. F off mate I'm fine- work on your marriage.

'You say you're happy but I'm not so sure'?

Where does he get off telling you how you feel?

Just that, if nothing else should let you know he's a creep.