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Original poster

Am I a sanctimonious harridan who needs to chill out, or is this a bit ew?

52 replies

PinotMwah · 11/02/2018 21:26

I have been doing OD on and off for about 18 months after the breakdown of my marriage. Am pretty thick-skinned about it and have not taken it too seriously and haven't met anyone who has been a serious contender yet -- a couple of 2-4 month things which could have gone somewhere but didn't, a few other dates. All good, not so clean fun and no-one has been hurt.

I think it has toughened me up a bit which I don't think is a bad thing and made my bullshitometer very over-sensitive and I'm now pretty much on a one-strike-and-you're-out approach with it.

Something happened over the weekend which has made me wonder whether I'm over-fussy or if I've got the balance right: got chatting to a nice-sounding, nice-looking bloke who appears solvent and sane. So far so good. He sent me a couple of slightly sleazy-sounding "what are you wearing?" messages last week. Bear in mind I haven't met him yet. I was a bit hmmm but gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Then again over the weekend he has been messaging asking me what I would wear on our first date, what kind of heels etc. I kind of dodged this a bit and when he pushed it just sent a rather curt message saying I wasn't up for providing free titillation to someone who I hadn't met. Needless to say he has evaporated, which is fine with me.

Am I being a really bad sport? Or is it bad form to be sending borderline pervy messages to someone before you've been on a first date? I worry that I've become too cynical sometimes but I am really turned off by the idea that I would be providing digital wank fodder to someone I have never clapped eyes upon... But maybe I need to lighten up :)

Curious to know what others think...

OP posts:
Mishappening · 11/02/2018 22:05

Are you being a "bad sport" - hell no!

Howlongtilldinner · 11/02/2018 22:11

I might’ve actually given him a run for his money, purely because of his sheer arrogance and knobishnessHmm

You are just a level headed person with no agenda looking for the same..good luck OP..keep dodging those bulletsGrin

AthenaAshton · 11/02/2018 22:14

O dear. I think your instincts are right. My DP mentions this kind of thing, but we have been together for 2 years and best friends for 8.Very different context, I think.

Original poster
PinotMwah · 11/02/2018 22:22

JustForThisFred I don't necessarily have a problem with someone just looking for "fun" -- not treating everyone I meet OD as a potential relationship and fine for people to be upfront about this.

It's just a) its demeaning and depressing if you're striking out to get to know someone and they immediately short circuit to "what colour knickers have you got on?" like nothing else in your life and nothing you've ever done matters. And b) what sort of person can feel sexually aroused at the thought of someone they've never met? I suppose the answer to the second question is, a man!

A guy I dated last year continued to send me semi naked pictures of himself for months after I dumped him (he would still be doing it now if I hadn't blocked him). I can't imagine a woman ever doing this for months after a relationship had ended.

OP posts:
BlackPeppercorn · 11/02/2018 22:48

Well I think he had a point wanting to know what you'd be wearing on your first date. How would he know it was you unless you told him you'd be wearing your very best bright red padded Damart wind proof, water proof and creep proof mac?
It ain't you, it's him.

Hissy · 11/02/2018 23:21

Yanbu

Nowt wrong with your radar love!

Keep on keeping on! I had all this and actually it teaches you to value yourself

Even if you do feel you get a lot more cynical

You’re doing fine

Turkkadin · 12/02/2018 00:28

Just another sexist waste of air! Not interested in women as human beings to get to know and only interested in providing himself with sexual gratification. What the hell is wrong with these soulless halfwits?
OP why would a man you are no longer in a relationship with continue to send you half naked pics of himself? Does this self obsessed asshole think he's giving you a treat?

Original poster
PinotMwah · 12/02/2018 06:13

Turkadin this is what I mean... can you imagine a woman doing that after having been dumped?

OP posts:
HungerOfThePine · 12/02/2018 10:35

You are spot on op, I'm a sporadic o.d and can't be bothered with these types it is solely about them getting their kicks with no regard for you as a person.

In the early days for me it was a bit of fun but now I bullshitdar is turned up a few notches, I haven't got the will nor time to be objectified.

Sure dating casually with no real relationship end game is different as atleast there's a chance they/you can get your mutual kicks as you actually like each other more than on a physical way even if it's a one off or burns out in a few weeks.

Trills · 12/02/2018 10:47

Someone who wants to talk about "what kind of heels" I will be wearing to our first date is not someone I'll enjoy having a date with.

It would be a waste of both of our time to have that date.

Belindabauer · 12/02/2018 11:05

He's a creep.
Well done to get rid op.

expatinscotland · 12/02/2018 11:10

I don't own a pair of heels so he'd be off my list just for that.

Tablesturned · 12/02/2018 11:17

Don’t blame you at all. I had one of these and he sounded so nice on the phone but as the date got nearer he kept saying he liked high heels, would I wear heels on our date (wasn’t planning to) and then it progressed to he couldn’t wait to see me in heels and a thong Confused. We’d never
even met!

Tablesturned · 12/02/2018 11:17

Btw I don’t wear heels or thongs
So he would have been very disappointed.

Trills · 12/02/2018 11:24

Even if I loved heels, he'd be off the list for being creepy about them.

hellsbellsmelons · 12/02/2018 11:31

I make it very clear on my OD Profile, that if you think sending dick-pics over the WWW is clever than swipe left because I'm not for you.
And I've chatted with loads of guys and none have ever over stepped the mark with texting etc...
You dodged a bullet.
Keep to YOUR standards and you'll not go far wrong.

Pengggwn · 12/02/2018 11:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Belindabauer · 12/02/2018 18:30

Heels and a thong!!!!!!

ladystarkers · 12/02/2018 18:32

Nope you are right. Creep.

yetmorecrap · 12/02/2018 18:42

What I wonder is are there some women out there who are so desparate that they go along with this kind of stuff??

Tablesturned · 12/02/2018 19:59

Yes I wonder what their hit rate is.

robertaplumkin · 12/02/2018 20:00

yuck it's a thank fuckety bye bye from me

Original poster
PinotMwah · 12/02/2018 21:40

He's just messaged me to ask me if I want to go out for dinner on Valentine's. :) a strategic U-turn!

The brass neck of some of these blokes is a thing to behold.

Time to block, I think

OP posts:
Queenofthedrivensnow · 12/02/2018 23:30

Yanbu it's yuck. Whet if you flirt too much and then you meet them and don't fancy them. It's a total no!

dirtybadger · 12/02/2018 23:36

Mentioning of heels would put me right off. Wrong woman! Also I would assume he is into feet. Not my cup of tea.

Block! Youre bang on.