Buying a house together. Difficult conversations

[Undecidednewby]

This is my first post

My DH and I plan to buy a house together this year. We've been married for 2 years, no children together yet. DH has 15 yo and 18 yo from the previous marriage. He is 42, I am 32. We both earn exactly the same money, but I have significantly more savings. I've been working very hard for the last 10 years and managed to put aside quite a lot from my income. I will be providing 2/3 of ( rather large) deposit for the house.
We are happily married and everything is well. Just like everyone else I sencerely hope to never get divorced but things happen. I am thinking about protecting what is mine in case of separation.

My question is not about legal setup, I know we can potentially buy a house where I would hold 2/3 of the assets or even sign a postnup.. I know my husband will be very upset if I suggest it. He would take it as a lack of trust in our marriage and in him personally. I dont know what to do.. from one side I don't want to cause tension and mistrust in our relationship, from another side I am worried about my future if we do indeed separate.. He sometimes says things that worries me.. for instance he mentioned that if his children would ever want to live with him as adults he would never turn them away. I asked if he means temporary, for instance for 6 months while looking for a job etc.. he said he means all the time, even if they are 30.. I do get on very well with his boys, i met my DH long after he got divorced, there is no drama, but I feel like I won't have a say in my own house.
Any advice would be appreciated

You're worrying about something it's too late to do anything about! You cannot split the house to protest your deposit as you're married.

As for his adult kids coming back if they need, thats what parenting is for most people. If your kids need you, they need you. You may well change your mind once you have your own!

If his kids can afford to live independently, and arent particularly lazy or entitled- no "encouragement" will have them at home until they're 30. Im in my late 20s and live with my parents. Its absolutely demoralising and not a position most people want to be in. Im grateful that my parents have me here, because I would be living in my car otherwise. I would be even less keen to live with a parent and a step parent. You are probably fine on that front. I dont have any friends my age still living at home.
If your DHs DC have any problems (MH issues, that sort of thing) then they may be more likely to need their parents support (that is sort of my position, ish).

In any case I would expect they would raher live with their mum, though, as it will be their childhood home where theyll feel more comfortable.

There's nothing to stop both these 'men' coming to your bigger house to live with their wives and dc should they all choose!

One big happy family eh op?

As you say, your dh will always prioritise his dc over you and that will extend financially above and beyond child maintenance so that also means probably wanting to help them financially through buying their first cars, university, deposit for a flat and so on.

As he is guilty for not spending as much time with them growing up now he is earning significantly more he will want his dc to have the best and will want to make it up to them.

Luckily through marriage to you what is yours is also his/theirs and will remain so for the duration of your marriage.

He sounds like a great dad.

You are a lovely stepmum to be able to financially support his dc by being financially independent of their dad and contributing significantly to a higher standard of living simply by not being a drain on his assets like many women are.

I think your dh is savvier than you think in marrying you. I think you have been incredibly naiive.

As long as you don't upset the status quo and keep contributing generously to their financial pot you will have a great marriage.

Problems will only arise when/if you want dc and later when your dh passes away leaving his half of the house to his dc.

I think you're trying to bolt the stable door a not too late unfortunately!

The money is already part of the marriage pot so in the event of a divorce, youll have to take your chances. Have you previously discussed a will and what would happen in the event of either of your deaths? How about if you have children together? Who gets what?

Being a step-parent isn't the easiest or "fairest" of roles and this is adding another layer of shit to your Ill feelings and unease about the situation. I doubt that will get better without lots of transparency and communication.