Was I being inconsiderate and selfish?

[anowlmostfoul]

My boyfriend and I have been going out for 14 months now. He lives in a remote village 25 minutes drive away from me and I don't drive so he has always picked me up twice a week to go on dates/ to his house.

We had a massive argument last night and he asked me why I'd never once offered to take the bus and that it wasn't fair that he did all of the work re transport.

I was really shocked by the realisation that he obviously resented this - he'd never given me an inkling that picking me up in the car was an issue.

The bus is infrequent, unreliable, expensive and can take almost an hour to to do a 25 minute drive.It doesn't even stop at his village so he'd have to do a 10 minute drive anyway to pick me up from the nearest bus stop.

I got really stroppy and said OK don't ever pick me up again and I'll just take the bus from now on, sorry for being such a freeloader, I had no idea this was such a problem!

We've both since apologised to each other and but now I feel really guilty and awkward and don't know what to do - was I being unreasonable or was he? He said to forget it, but should I actually take the bus from now on?

Brief background info for context:

Me: Have an official diagnosis of autism plus dyspraxia. Low wage but trying to learn to drive - this is a struggle both mentally and financially. Under immense pressure due to still living under same roof as emotionally abusive stbxh. If I ever pass my test I can move in with my boyfriend.

Boyfriend: Works in a high level, very stressful job with long hours. Under a lot of pressure at work.

I think you should have at least offered - either to contribute to petrol or to take public transportation. I think in the back of your mind, you probably assumed because he earned more and had a car - he would not mind? Are you old fashioned - the male should do all the pick-ups, etc etc? I think now you know how he feels, perhaps now you can try to be a bit more fair re the transportation - not many people like driving to and fro that often.. good luck OP.

Thanks @Bibbidee for being the lone voice 🙂

Thanks to others for your perspective, even when upsetting to read!

I started this thread because due to the ASD I don't always realise what for others might be obvious. The reason why it never occurred to me to take the bus was a. He always seemed happy with the way things were and b. There is no bus from here to his actual village.

I'm definitely going to take the bus now when feasible. He's the best person I've ever met, we love each other deeply and I want us to be happy.

I understand OP, he was having your company on the way back, and lots of men wouldn't want you doing that journey alone anyway.

How do you manage getting back though?

Sorry OP.. but you sound very very entitled....

Don´t feel bad about not taking the bus so far. But now you know how he feels, do differently in the future. Start taking the bus.

What @sonjadog said.

Now you're aware, offer petrol money and get the bus.

Btw you cleaning and cooking is lovely but if your contributions aren't recognised or appreciated, knock it on the head.