Would you still be with someone who had done these things....

[namechangeranonymous]

Obviously, I could list a whole load of amazingly good stuff too, but would you still be in a relationship where someone had:

1. Left you alone for a weekend with a 6 month old baby to spend time with a female friend even though you were struggling, and then confided in that female friend about things not shared with you.

1. Had a 3 month emotional affair (not same female friend)

1. Told you he wasn’t sure he loved you anymore and not taken any noticeably conscious steps to do anything about it.

I’m sure he could list some crap about me too, which doesn’t make it any better

Is this salvageable?

Sorry to be blunt but no way

No I couldn't, sorry.

I think it could be salvageable....but you would BOTH have to want it to be

Not a chance.

LTB.

No. 3 would be the clincher I think, don't play games with me. You don't love me? Fine, bugger off somewhere else.

The weekend thing, any more context on that?

No, I would not.

No. I think 2 and 3 are probably related

Nope. Sorry.

No 3 - he was having his own crisis about becoming a dad and needed to get away. Weirdly he has barely seen or spoken this friend since - this happened a number years ago.

Btw, we got back on track between number 2 and 3.

These things have happened over a number of years.

I have not been the easiest wife (MH issues), general moodiness. Maybe we both just deserve someone nicer.

No. Sorry, but it's dead in the water.

God, no!!

No that's not ok it's a kind of emotional abuse, if the shoe was on the other foot it would not be ok!
Not saying LTB but just bare in mind that it's probably not going to stop. Could you try counseling so he sees the error of his ways?
P.s I'm not an amazing wife, I dread the day my dh finds out there are women that will happily cook and clean without moaning constantly!

When you list it out, it does sound bad. But are there really no other couples out there who have this under their belt and have made a future?

For those who have been together 15years+, please tell me about your good relationships/worst that you or your partner have done/behaved.

Christ, no

Even just one of those things would negate anything else he had done that was good

No

OP I'm usually all for staying together when there's commitment on both sides but it sounds as though there's no commitment from him. 1 could have been just a bad judgement call, but I would have issues getting past EITHER 2 or 3. Putting them together, even if unrelated (not caused by same woman) would be a no brainer. Irrespective of whether you're hard to live with or why you think you haven't been the easiest wife, you deserve better than that OP.

That doesn't sound good, sorry.

The closest to your list was when my partner had to go away for a fortnight for work when we had a small baby and a toddler. I asked him to come home early as I wasn't coping, and he did.
The worst is him being like a sulky teenager when he has too much work on. I'm no better!
Hope you sort things out.

How long ago were these things?

My answer would depend on the timings

I'm 32 years into my relationship with DH and all of our ups and downs have been about stuff like money, work choices and the like. We have never had anything about EAs, not being in love etc. I'm not saying we are in the same kind of love we used to be in, during our 20s, but we are still in love as well as being very accustomed to each other.

I think that once that feeling goes it is probably time to call it a day on any relationship!

He sounds very self absorbed and it might be that without him you feel less put upon, less needing to make sure he is OK before you let yourself feel anything!

Been married 15 years OP, together 18. Of course we've had tough times, particularly in the young baby days (we had twins). I do have a clear memory of thinking we weren't getting on and wondering if we could we get it back. But it wasn't that we weren't committed to each other, or that we'd fallen out of love, it was just that lots of things had got in the way (the twins!!) of us being a couple. I dont think either of us did anything that would knowingly have hurt the other (like an emotional affair or saying we werent sure we loved the other). I think your H has been honest, and thats to his credit but I'd need alot more from him to demonstrate he's committed to the marriage.

You definitely deserve someone nicer. There are plenty of good people out there, don't stay with this man.

No. Any one of those things alone would have his ass out. Unless #1 was preceded by your assuring him it was fine/giving no indication you needed him at home.

With 3, I'm betting there's someone catching his eye again.

I spent 15+ years with someone a bit like this, really really tried to make it work. Ditched him a couple of years ago, and a cloud has lifted.