Why do men go back to their wives but still hang onto the ow?

[downtherivertohell]

As the title says why do married men go back to their wives but hang onto the ow?

My friends husband decided to try again with her but she has since found out he is still texting and ringing the other woman! It just shocks me.

Because they are cake eaters so why would they choose one?

Because they got away with it last time and now think their missus will forgive them for straying and mocking their marriage vows again.

Because they can. Because they didn't mean it when they said they'd stop. Because they don't respect either woman's feelings. Because they compartmentalize love from lust, or one life from another.

Tale as old as time.

Because divorce is expensive and they miss their children, but prefer to get their thrills elsewhere.

It's cake eating.

They don't want the OW full time...she's good enough as a sidepiece...and they want the status of being a respectable married family man.

Plus the cost of divorce.

Because the wife is the so better option

Because they want the adoration of two women thank you very much. Because being fought over makes them feel big and clever and desirable. IME.

IME they enjoy the attention

And care about very little more than the above.

There's probably an element of hedging their bets too. Keep ow sweet in case their wife decides they don't want the grand prize of a cheating git after all.

They realise that if they are kicked out by wife and live with ow, they'll quickly break up?

It's a pain moving house

They don't want their kids to know about ow.

The ow is purely about the sex

They think that they won't be found out again

They don't want their friends and family to think that they are dickheads

I think they get attached to the OW because it makes them feel 'good' in some way, the. They can't give her up because she's now associated with excitement, lust and pleasurable feelings. The wife is probably associated with safety, security which is also hard to give up. So they get stuck.

Because they can. HTH.

I think it’s a hedging bets
Also I think a lot of men stay unhappily because they don’t want to lose children etc

I think it’s a lazy option, they don’t really want to be with the wife, but they probably would have preferred her to throw him out. So they don’t have to make a decision
But all of that is a sweeping generalisation

Because they are cunts.

But you missed the word SOME from your thread title, because it's just some men who are cunts, not all men.

Because they don't have the balls to be honest and say "monogamy doesn't work for me, it's a social construct that I cannot/will not follow. You down?"

In my parents' case, my dad much preferred the OW, but guilt, duty, obligation and appearance kept him going back to the wife (at least 3 times back and forth). Once children finished school he was out of there - finally divorced. I knew exactly what was going on. It was an unfortunate upbringing for me. None of us children ever married and we are middle aged now. Why be the wife when the man prefers the OW?

Because it feeds their egos, because divorce is expensive and inconvenient, because they're cake eaters, because they're cowards, because they're thrill seekers, because they're bored with their wives, etc.

Honeylulu-nail in head

Go back to wife for kids and financial

Keep in touch with OW for sex

It’s rarely complicated with men.

Because they do not give a shit about either the wife or the OW. If they did, the would chose one.

Sorry to burst the bubble, these man do not care about status, their children, their families, or the “soulmate” they only visit. They only care about their own enjoyment and convenience. Pure selfishness.

Both the the wife and the other woman are better off without a man like that but most likely, they will be as bad as the man and staying with him for the same reasons: fear not to find someone like him, loosing the house and status.

I’m right in the middle of this right now (as the wife). I want him to leave, I hate him & would be happy to never set eyes on him again but he’s dragging his heels leaving (he’s the main earner).

Reasons - he’s a coward who doesn’t want everyone to know he fucked it all up for sex, he’s shitting his pants about the financial implications, he’s maybe now realizing how good he had it before he fucked it all up but it’s way too late for me to take him back.

They are so caught up in their own egos that they’re not actually thinking about anyone else. I’ve called him despicable recently - seems the perfect word.

I would also say the wife not being firm and telling him to go...gives him the impudence to carry on messing both women about.

A cheating husband is no prize.

This is an interesting (and long) book about the whys and wherefores of affairs.
www.amazon.co.uk/s/?hvlocphy=1006617&hvptwo&hvnetw=g&keywords=the+state+of+affairs&hvadid=223889547011&index=aps&hvpone&hvlocint&ref=pd_sl_1k0q0t3pdp_e&hvpos=1t1&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt=e&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&hvtargid=kwd-318572419351&hvrand=13179439713600391755
Esther Perel also has some interesting podcasts.

@BubblingUp
That’s grim
Did the OW actually wait
What a mess for everyone

So they don’t get financially ruined, get to see their children regularly, yet get the thrills & sex that they want.