Why do men go back to their wives but still hang onto the ow?

[downtherivertohell]

As the title says why do married men go back to their wives but hang onto the ow?

My friends husband decided to try again with her but she has since found out he is still texting and ringing the other woman! It just shocks me.

I hate the whole ‘oh I am not made for monogamy’ excuse re cheating. If you think about it since polyamory is more about honesty, communication and unselfishness than sex cheaters are not ‘made for’ polyamory either, they are just cheaters. Selfish cake eaters.

They like their home comforts, the familiar, the status, living with their dc and the assets they've built up.

Ow might be a good bet, but she's more of a risk - she might have different expectations or standards. The sex is more thrilling because danger and less familiar, but living together/without the illicit element might lose something.

ComeOnGordon, you and me both, mate

Honestly, I have no idea why my H is doing what he is doing. It seems he has taken leave of his senses. But hey ho, it's not the first time and I Am Done.

@downtherivertohell

Affair chemicals:

brainworldmagazine.com/flame-addiction-neuroscience-infidelity/

Limerence:

loverelations.co.uk/the-limerence-affair/

Why Happy People Cheat

www.theatlantic.com/amp/article/537882/

Because they are idiots hence the existence of an OW in the first place.

perfectly done - sorry you’re going thro this too. My arsehole H is trying to find ways to screw me over financially but I’ve been to a lawyer and I know he’ll be a poor man if he doesn’t play fair. I’m optimistic he’s found somewhere to live (we’re barely speaking but I snoop regularly) so I feel this nightmare of living in the same house will be over soon & the kids and I can get on wir much happier lives with no lies

Divorce is expensive, there's home comfort, more money to spend on OW if he doesn't get divorced. And if OW is also married then it's not in their plans to get married.

Haven’t RTFT but I suspect my answer will be the same as many: because people who behave in this way are entitled, egotistical, selfish gits who have gotten away with it before so they continue to want their cake and eat it (and have as many slices after that as they wish).

I think occasionally it's because they want the homelife with their kids, I think if women were likely to only have weekend access to their kids if they split with their husbands then they would be just as likely to do the same.
When I split with my partner I did so knowing I would be the primary carer, there was no one else involved so that wasn't a consideration but if I knew if I ended an unhappy relationship that I would only get to see my kids on weekends or whatever I don't think I would have had the guts to end it.

I also think sometimes if the affair has to come to an abrupt end that people find it very hard to let go.

Then of course there are just the people who have no intention of giving either of them up!

@mummwest
I think you’re right.
When women have affairs and they very often do, they end up leaving, because the consequence that you might lose your child is much slimmer than for a man.
Some people, unless they are total aresholes in the first place and there are lots of those around (both men and women) have affairs because they’re unhappy.

If it wasn’t for the children is a line trotted out.

But I am 100% certain that when my father had an affair he really did love the OW. And she him. He didn’t want to lose us or break up the family so they went their separate ways.
My father and mother were desperately unhappy for the next 10 years until they split. And the ow had moved on and got married to someone else.
I just think it was a pretty sad story all round and no one won. Well my mum did in the short term, but she really didn’t. Her bitterness ate away at her.

IME it's because they enjoy it and think they can get away with it.

Many are very happy in their marriages and never plan to leave their wives. OW is regarded as a harmless hobby; a bit of excitement on the side. Most are upset with the thought of hurting their wives but their egos tell them they're too clever to get caught (or to get caught a second time, etc). The OW 'knewing what she signed up for', so her feelings are given even less consideration.

Because ow lavish them with attention they don’t get at home. They are like the wife pre children!

Comfort of own home, often being looked after and seeing kids - wife
Attention and lots of sex - mistress

Why would you not if you could get away with it? Women should put a stop to it as many do. There are also many that don’t though and see these wankers as some sort of catch.