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Original poster

Would it bother you if DP text his ex everyday to ask about the kids?

29 replies

Welldoneme · 07/02/2018 23:36

We have not been together long, about 5 months, he has 2 dc one is a teenager the other is 10 .
The teen has her own phone and I can’t quite grasp why he doesn’t text her every day to ask how they are.
I don’t want to sound a jealous person, just want to gather others’ opinion.
He sees his children regularly which I don’t mind at all.

OP posts:
Coolaschmoola · 07/02/2018 23:38

No, it wouldn't bother me.

MrsEricBana · 07/02/2018 23:40

No, i wouldnt be bothered and would think more highly of him for doing so.

gillybeanz · 07/02/2018 23:40

Have they recently split up?
I know I'd be asking my dh about the kids everyday too, because kids aren't always capable of giving a true reflection of how they are, even teens.
I hope you don't mind him seeing his children regularly as they come first and are his first priority Confused

DarkNightDelight · 07/02/2018 23:41

Nope wouldn't bother me at all. I think it's nice that he does that Smile

negomi90 · 07/02/2018 23:41

No - teenager may not say if something's going on, plus it wouldn't be fair on the teen to be reporting on the younger sibling.
I'd be grateful that he's an involved dad and co parenting with his ex appropriately.
To me texting ex re the kids daily would be a major positive.

Jellyheadbang · 07/02/2018 23:42

It would have bothered me before I had kids, now I have my own I see things completely differently. It’d good for the parents to communicate and share the load. My ex and I parted on v bad terms but we always plan our kids’ parties together and co-host them which my recent ex bf hated.
Me and exh help each other out, discuss child issues and all sorts. I’m not attracted to him in any way and pretty certain he has nil interest in me either.

RockinHippy · 07/02/2018 23:45

If he is a DF, then unless the DCs are old enough for adultish conversation with him directly, then no,

it would bother me more if he didn't want daily updates about his DCs. That would tell me a lot about the kind of man he was & it's not the sort of responsible I'd want to be in a relationship with

timeisnotaline · 07/02/2018 23:45

I text my dh for an update on them when he picks them up, I’ll be home a couple of hours later. It would seem perfectly reasonable to update daily on them.

RockinHippy · 07/02/2018 23:46

Responsible adult 🙄

Original poster
Welldoneme · 07/02/2018 23:58

Thanks everyone for your comments, helps me not to over think things too much!

OP posts:
PutUpWithRain · 08/02/2018 00:31

@Welldoneme - from the other side, it's been really hurtful that my ex never acknowledges my emails or texts about our DC (13 & 9) since he started a new relationship. The only contact I have from him is purely practical. It would be really nice to be able to tell them 'I emailed Dad, and he said to tell you he's proud you did X', and from my PoV, it'd be nice to know he's thinking of them when they're with me.
Your DP sounds like a good dad Smile And if he has a good relationship with his ex, that can only make your life easier Wink

thisishard2 · 08/02/2018 04:17

I hope you don't mind him seeing his children regularly as they come first and are his first priority

^ this

numbereightyone · 08/02/2018 04:41

Your question bothers me. You have been in this person's life for five minutes and yet you seem to resent his relationship with his dc.

LoverOfCake · 08/02/2018 04:47

No. Wish my ex would take more of an interest in his dc.

Oh and, teenagers are notoriously bad at communicatinG with adults. Mine is actually very good at calling to tell me where he is etc and face to face, but texting? I think not.

Angelf1sh · 08/02/2018 05:23

Sounds like a good thing to me.

thisishard2 · 08/02/2018 07:51

I am getting divorced. I have been with my stbx for 22 years. I think he is already with a new person. We have 3 dc.

The new person might be good for my stbx or whatever, and no doubt once settled he will try to set her up as some kind of replacement for me (I am worried), but nothing will take away the fact that we were together for many years, the bond was there, and they are our children. His and mine. The new person has nothing to do with this. Why would you not text someone who is basically a family member - the mother of your children. You do not stop being part of the same family - though reconfigured.

It is good for dc of separated parents to see them getting on. And good for the parents to be able to respectfully co-parent if at all possible (not possible in my case at the moment but we are both, for different reasons, very hurt). That is the only concern here.

mrssapphirebright · 08/02/2018 09:26

Op I text my exh most days, well at least every few days. We have two teen dc, both have their own phones. Been divorced 6 years.

We have 50/50 shares care so there's usually a bit of filling in / school stuff / reminders etc.

I speak to my kids on their phones on the days they are with dad but still need to sort stuff direct with their dad.

I'm happily re- married and my dh doesn't blink an eye. It's not like they are long chatty texts, but it's still quite frequent.

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 08/02/2018 09:29

I would go mad without at least daily updates on my kids. Who else is he supposed to ask for them, exactly?

InDubiousBattle · 08/02/2018 09:32

It would bother me if he didn't.

ComtesseDeSpair · 08/02/2018 09:40

I think it demonstrates that he's a good dad and wouldn't bother me at all. Sure, he could text the teenager but he's unlikely to get a full picture of how she and her sibling are doing that way.

How a man relates to his ex partners, particularly the mother of his children, is a good indicator of the sort of man he is, in my opinion. I think it's great that they have both a good co-parenting relationship and that they clearly respect and like each other.

Original poster
Welldoneme · 08/02/2018 09:59

Just to embellish a bit further, I respect the time he spends with them, from personal experience sc crave one to one time with the non resident parent which I am happy to step back so they achieve this.
I just wonder if an emotional relationship is going on iyswim.
I wasn’t the ow and his previous relationship broke down due to the constant texting.
Just being cautious as I don’t want to waste time on a relationship that will not go anywhere.

OP posts:
BarbaraOcumbungles · 08/02/2018 10:01

It would bother me if he didn’t tbh.

Lemondrizzlee · 08/02/2018 10:02

Honestly if you're the jealous type you shouldn't be with a man who's got kids. You know his ex will always be in his life because of the kids.

Smeaton · 08/02/2018 10:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 08/02/2018 10:10

I just wonder if an emotional relationship is going on iyswim.

Well, yeah, it is, because she's still his kids' mother and his ex and it's necessary for them to have regular contact. In fact, ideally they need to be able to maintain a friendship and have constructive discussions. That means they need to care about each other, in general. It would be weird if they felt about each other like strangers and hate isn't exactly great either.

You either trust that their romantic and sexual relationship is over or you don't, but if you can't handle a man having an emotional connection and ongoing relationship to his ex, a man with kids is not the man for you.