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Original poster

Girlfriend wants to leave for summer camp

45 replies

george1577 · 07/02/2018 14:28

I didn't know where to turn for advice, so here is the story.

We met a year ago. From the start i knew she was going to america for 3 months and we decided to work through it as we were infatuated with each other. We got through it but barely, It was a massive strain on the relationship.

Fast forward 6 months and she had had the opportunity to return. I am completely against it as i believe it will definitely end the relationship down the line. I feel like if she goes back again then it will be a recurring thing as most of the people at this specific camp have been there for many years. I don't want to feel like I'm in a relationship only 9 months of the year. We are currently at log heads as she feels like I'm stopping her from doing something she wants to do and I just can't understand if i mean that much, why would you want to put me through that again, (last year was horrible).

What should i do in this situation. I really don't want to end it as i love her to bits but i can't accept my girlfriend running off every summer. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 07/02/2018 14:35

It's her choice though isn't it? If you persuade her to give up on something she clearly enjoys then she will resent you anyway. Why not join her for a holiday half way through?

Merryoldgoat · 07/02/2018 14:35

Sorry, but you sound quite selfish and short sighted.

3 months is nothing and it's something that means a lot to your girlfriend. If you try to stop her you will breed resentment and rightly so.

What did she 'put you through' exactly? Missing her for 3 months? Why was it so harrowing.

I would REALLY miss my DH if he went away for so long, but if it was important to him I'd support him and make plans to minimise the impact.

How old are you both?

OakIsBetterTho · 07/02/2018 14:36

Well, unfortunately, there's little you can do if that is what your girlfriend wants to do. Do you mind if I ask how old you are?
3 months isn't long in the grand scheme of things, but if it's something you really feel you can't weather, then there's not really any other option than to leave the relationship. Fwiw a friend of mine is married to a man who spends at least 3 months, sometimes up to 4.5 months, working in New Zealand every year. They have agreed this will stop when they have children, but for now she accepts it's something he wants to do and they are nevertheless very happy.

ShatnersWig · 07/02/2018 14:37

Yes, as with Merry How old are you both???

BrandNewHouse · 07/02/2018 14:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OakIsBetterTho · 07/02/2018 14:37

I also agree with pp that she will end up resenting you if you 'stop' her from going. To give up a great opportunity for a relatively new relationship would be a real shame imo

Cricrichan · 07/02/2018 14:38

I felt the same as you when I was at university and my boyfriend went a few years. I felt that if he loved me he wouldn't want to spend every summer away from me.

Years later I can see how wrong I was. It was a great opportunity for him and why shouldn't he have gone? You don't have to be constantly together for it to be love .

blueremembered · 07/02/2018 14:48

You can't stop her from going and it isn't up to you to 'accept' it or not.

You seem quite young from your OP and this is the sort of thing young people do, they go away and get life experience and have fun.

Original poster
george1577 · 07/02/2018 14:48

22 years,

OP posts:
OuchBollocks · 07/02/2018 14:51

I missed an opportunity to travel for a relationship that didn't work out. I hope your Gf stays strong and resists your emotional blackmail or she'll regret it. She feels like you're trying to stop her doing something she wants to do because you are. Find some interests of your own and stop being so controlling.

Granville72 · 07/02/2018 14:53

She doesn't need to ask or gain your permission to go to America or to do anything as it stands.

What was so awful she put you through last year when she went? Was it just the missing her?

If you want to keep her and respect her, the you have to respect her wishes. You do not control her. You are both very young, enjoy life why you can.

What is stopping you from taking a short break and visiting her half way through?

ShatnersWig · 07/02/2018 14:55

If you love them let them go.

It's not your place to stop someone doing something they want. If you don't want a relationship where your girlfriend goes away for 3 months of the year, that's perfectly fine. You simply say "I'm sorry, this isn't for me" and walk away.

mindutopia · 07/02/2018 14:57

It sounds like she'd be lucky if you did end the relationship to be honest. If you can't hack a long distance relationship (which is what it is, not a relationship 9 months of the year), then she's better off without you!

My husband and I were together in the same city for the first 7 months of our relationship (we were both working abroad) and then we both moved home at the end of our contracts. We were an 11 hour flight away from each other for the next two and a half years. 3 months is nothing. If you love someone and the relationship is that valuable to you, then you make it work. You don't try to control the person to change their life to make it easier on you. In my case, immigration issues aside which couldn't easily be resolved until we were engaged and getting married as per the UK Home Office, the reason we were apart so long is because I had a wonderful career opportunity which meant I had to be in another country (my home country) for at least 2 years. My boyfriend (now husband) also had professional commitments in the UK. We loved and supported each other to pursue these opportunities while we were young (and free and childless) and we made it work. If you can't hack it, then yes, let her go. You don't sound like a prize to be honest.

hellsbellsmelons · 07/02/2018 14:57

Wow, Ross... is that you???
Well you need to live while you are young.
If she has some great opportunities then she needs to grab them.
Get out there and enjoy yourself.
Stop putting controls in place already.
She wants to go so you let her go.
It really is that simple.

MyOtherProfile · 07/02/2018 14:59

Go too.

MyKingdomForBrie · 07/02/2018 15:01

You’re a dick.

HTH

TheEmmaDilemma · 07/02/2018 15:03

She's 22. She'll resent you if she doesn't. Lose her over it, or support her in it. Your choice.

Chippyway · 07/02/2018 15:04

Oh god.

If I was your girlfriend the second you tried stopping me you’d be long gone.

I’m not that much older than 22. I was expecting you to say you were 17/18 or something.

You’re already suffocating her. Trust me when I say this - she WILL get fed up and walk/fly away. I’ve been there.

HarrietKettleWasHere · 07/02/2018 15:05

Ew. Creepy.

If I was her I certainly would be running off. And not just in the summer.

DancesWithOtters · 07/02/2018 15:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Huntinginthedark · 07/02/2018 15:16

You’re both young. If you were married with 3 kids and she went off on a jolly for 3 months opting out of marriage and family life, every year, then maybe I could get your point.
But at this age, no one should be stopping anyone from this kind of thing.

As shatner said, if this isn’t the type of relationship you’re looking for, then you need to end it and find someone more compatible.
You can’t bully her. Let this be a life lesson that you can’t control people and everyone has a right to the life they want.
And don’t make this mistake again.

notacooldad · 07/02/2018 15:16

No harsh replies from me!
I get it.
Summer is a great time and I understand why you want to spend that time together and 3 months can seem like a huge chunk of time. To be fair, it is!
However I am with your girlfriend on this. It is clearly something she loves.
You asked what would I do in this situation? I would miss her very much, I would keep in contact but make sure all correspondence was up beat and not needy or clingy. Nothing is a bigger turn off than a partner who doesn't give you space nd acts like they re nothing without you. I've had prtners like this and it is truly suffocating.

I would make my own plans for summer. Would going be an option? As long as your gf didn't feel it was stalkerish or you being desperate it could work but you would have to be up for the work there and nit act like it's a romantic holiday.

If that wasn't an option I would be hanging out with my friends and going to a couple of festivals, out on my mountain bike and going camping off the beaten track. It's great. To have exciting stuff to talk about when you meet up.

You said she feels like you are stoping her from doing something she wants. She's right. Don't be a dick.

HerrenaHarridan · 07/02/2018 15:17

I really want to be kind and supportive so that you can hear what I’m trying to communicate

I understand that it is hard to be without someone you love

Stop being so selfish, if you love her so much why would you even consider asking her not to go?

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 07/02/2018 15:22

“There was this one time, at band camp......”

Thistlebelle · 07/02/2018 15:25

If a boyfriend told my DD that it wasn’t acceptable for her to do this, I’d strongly advise her to dump him.

You need to reconsider your definition of “love”.

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