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Relationships

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Original poster

Girlfriend wants to leave for summer camp

45 replies

george1577 · 07/02/2018 14:28

I didn't know where to turn for advice, so here is the story.

We met a year ago. From the start i knew she was going to america for 3 months and we decided to work through it as we were infatuated with each other. We got through it but barely, It was a massive strain on the relationship.

Fast forward 6 months and she had had the opportunity to return. I am completely against it as i believe it will definitely end the relationship down the line. I feel like if she goes back again then it will be a recurring thing as most of the people at this specific camp have been there for many years. I don't want to feel like I'm in a relationship only 9 months of the year. We are currently at log heads as she feels like I'm stopping her from doing something she wants to do and I just can't understand if i mean that much, why would you want to put me through that again, (last year was horrible).

What should i do in this situation. I really don't want to end it as i love her to bits but i can't accept my girlfriend running off every summer. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

OP posts:

hungryhenryshouldeatelsewhere · 07/02/2018 15:28

I think you're getting some really shitty replies here Because you're a dude (I think you are, anyway)

I don't blame you for not wanting this, but if she really wants to go then you're going to have to deal with it, especially if you really want to be with her.

Coyoacan · 07/02/2018 15:31

But the time apart gives you a chance to have lots to talk about for the rest of the year. Can you not think of something interesting and exciting to do during the summer?

MyKingdomForBrie · 07/02/2018 15:32

OP is getting shitty replies because his partner has one short life and should grasp every opportunity that it presents, not pass them by to hang around with someone who doesn’t love her enough to want the best for her.

MyKingdomForBrie · 07/02/2018 15:33

Sorry his or her

fannythrobbing · 07/02/2018 15:40

I'm in my 30s now but when I was 22 I changed my plans because my then boyfriend went mad and guilted me into staying. I felt controlled and resented him, I also look back and hate how weak I was that I'd capitulated so easily. What I should have done was end the relationship and go off, be young and make memories. What I did was limp on with this jealous and controlling guy who I resented enormously only for us to split up anyway.

3 months is roughly 12 weeks, that's not that long. If you feel trust is an issue then you should consider your relationship anyway. If you believe there is trust she should go and you should deal with your own feelings. Stopping her from living her life isn't going to guarantee your relationship lasts the distance but it may well be a nail in the coffin that splits you up.

etherdiscipiline · 07/02/2018 15:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MarieG10 · 07/02/2018 15:56

You need to grow up

Isetan · 07/02/2018 16:58

There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to be in a relationship for only nine months of the year but it’s very wrong to be in a relationship with someone who does. You are both young and this are exactly the opportunities your gf should be grasping with both hands, If you would be content knowing that your gf would be unhappy (and it sounds like she would be if she’d miss these opportunities) then you don’t love her enough.

This relationship doesn’t revolve around only your wants.

Ivebeenaroundtheblock · 07/02/2018 17:07

So immature. Please do me a favour and break up. Whatever you do don’t reproduce.
I hate clingy relationships, your opening post makes me want to vomit.

DontFuckingSayIt · 07/02/2018 17:12

I'm with you, OP, although you can't stop her going. All you can do is leave and find someone who doesn't want to bugger off without you for a quarter of your lives. I can't imagine wanting to do that when in a relationship I care about, I'd miss them too much to enjoy it anyway.

Springtrolls · 07/02/2018 17:17

It's not really your choice. You can be against it as much as you want, but it's her choice.
You dig your heels in and it will be the end because she won't want to be with someone that doesn't respect her to make her own decisions.
She's your girlfriend, not your property. If you want something you can fully control, I would suggest Sims or similar.

Angelf1sh · 07/02/2018 17:20

She doesn’t need your permission or approval to live her life. Accept that or move on

Frankly you’re lucky she hasn’t left you already because you’re being incredibly selfish. It’s three months ffs.

magoria · 07/02/2018 17:22

Good on her for getting out there and doing something she really believes in.

If you can't handle her being away then you are incompatible and you should end the relationship before one or both of you ends up resentful.

It wouldn't be that you were not in a relationship for those 3 months. Just that it is more long distance than the rest of the year.

weebarra · 07/02/2018 17:25

I got together with my now DH at 18 when we were students. When I was 20 I got a chance to spend a semester at an Ivy League college. We coped, we missed each other, but it was a healthy relationship and I'm so glad I had that experience.

CrazyExIngenue · 07/02/2018 17:28

Grow the fuck up.

gamerchick · 07/02/2018 17:28

If she doesn’t go just to make you happy she will resent you for it and your relationship will end at some point anyway. You’re being selfish.

She’s young and the world is big to explore but small when it comes to communicating with people. You can’t and should not try and stop her.

vwlphb · 07/02/2018 17:28

I wanted to go on a six-month trip with a friend when I was your age and my boyfriend of three years (who was unable to travel at that time due to university commitments) made such a big fuss about how the long-distance thing would be too hard that I reluctantly agreed to pass up the opportunity.

Unfortunately I ended up resenting him so much that my love for him died and we broke up less than a year later. So have a good long think about whether you want to say goodbye to your girlfriend for three months for a few years, or if you would rather say goodbye forever. You only get the chance to do this kind of traveling when you’re young and unemcumbered by jobs, mortgages and kids.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 07/02/2018 19:36

I worked at summer camps for years. I wouldn't have missed it for the world and certainly not for a bloke!

OntheAir · 07/02/2018 20:00

Don't be THAT guy mate.

Support her to go and have the time of her life, and maybe take it as a kick up the arse to make the most of the summer yourself.

To be 22 again!

SandyY2K · 07/02/2018 21:30

I don't really think you're selfish....you're young and in love...you'll miss her.

She's young too and wants to do these things...you can't blame her...you're only young once.

If this relationship doesn't suit you...best end it.

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