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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I could be on Eastenders

33 replies

Sasal83 · 06/02/2018 23:43

So here goes! A catalogue of events...
Hubby and I have been trying for a baby, no success after 6 months. I am miserable in my job although well paid and decent company I want to move on and have just been offered a new job, 2 months noticed handed in on Thursday!
Friday I come home to find my husband being arrested (he's a cop!) and no one will tell me what's been going on, turns out he's been sending messages and pics to another woman whilst at work, risks losing his job, whole career, going to court etc etc also risks losing me over not even having an affair. As if this isn't enough, you can guess what I have now found out I'm 2-3 weeks pregnant!!! You couldn't make this stuff up!

OP posts:
FinallyFree123456789 · 06/02/2018 23:48

Congrats on the pregnancy Flowers
Congrats on changing job too! Brew have you thought about if / how it affects your maternity?
On the DH situation - how are you feeling? What kind of pics / texts etc. Are you wanting to save your relationship? Xx

greenritta · 07/02/2018 00:56

How are you doing? You holding up together? Flowers

bummymummythefirst · 07/02/2018 01:37

You poor thing. But congrats.

letsdolunch321 · 07/02/2018 02:01

Congratulations on your pregnancy Flowers

Wow you certainly have lots going on.

Take it all day at a time

Original poster
Sasal83 · 07/02/2018 07:35

I now won't be entitled on any maternity! My husband is probs going To be jobless and therefore we can't pay the mortgage!
I love him, but don't know if we can get through this is was flirty, naughty sexy pics and messages they exchanged!

OP posts:
GirlDownUnder · 07/02/2018 07:40

You don’t think flirty, naughty, sexy pics and messages is being unfaithful? Confused

Are you happy to be pregnant and excited about your new job?

Is he home? What’s he think he should do to fix this?

dirtybadger · 07/02/2018 08:38

Why would he be arrested for sending flirty messages? Or even dick pics! He might get sacked, but not arrested!

Congrats on job and pregnancy. Not perfect timing but it is what it is. Dont rush any decisions re husband. Being pregnant makes your decisions more important, so dont rush to forgive him for whatever hes done just because youre pregnant...

Original poster
Sasal83 · 07/02/2018 08:38

No not technically being unfaithful but a massive breech of trust especially given that it's now likely to cost him is job and possibly get a criminal conviction due to how/where he's done it and the job he does

OP posts:
MsHomeSlice · 07/02/2018 08:41

oh come on..arrested for flirty messages and texts? I really don't think you have the full story here.

unless he's sending them to a 11 year old.

Zaphodsotherhead · 07/02/2018 08:41

I think here is far far more to why he's been arrested than you know...(I'm guessing it was him that told you it was just 'flirty pictures and chat'?)

Congratulations on your pregnancy, but you might want to shore yourself up for single parenthood....

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 07/02/2018 08:48

Oh gosh op, what a difficult time.

I don't think you're getting the full story. He wouldn't have been arrested for sending photos and flirty messages to a woman whilst at work. Disciplined but not arrested. I would brace myself to hear an awful lot more if I were you.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, I realise the timing is less than ideal but you will be ok. As a previous poster said you might want to prepare yourself for single parenthood. Try not to worry too much about maternity leave etc just now, just make sure you're getting some food in you and some rest even though you must be feeling incredibly anxious about everything.

Everyone defines cheating a little differently, for me what your husband has done would definitley come under cheating in my book but only you know your marriage and what you can get past. However as I said I think you're going to find out an awful lot more than what you have already been told.

Have you got many friends or family around to support you through this time?

Thinking of you, take care x

Original poster
Sasal83 · 07/02/2018 08:49

Nope I know everything and unfortunately the police is more complicated than you'd think in these situations due to being in a position of authority

OP posts:
MsHomeSlice · 07/02/2018 09:08

if it has got as far as him being arrested and losing his job then it most certainly is not JUST texts and pictures

IMO police can be held to a higher standard of acceptable behaviour, and receive harsher punishments than others due to the positions of trust, but not until every other avenue has been exhausted.

So, what has he really been up to? Sounds like a serious and prolonged case of stalker type behaviour to me, discounting any other more sordid scenarios.

Original poster
Sasal83 · 07/02/2018 09:13

Trust me, all of you I know exactly why the arrest happened and everything that's gone on 100%

OP posts:
wowbutter · 07/02/2018 09:17

Was it a 'victim' he was messaging, as in someone who reported a crime? If it was, yes, the punishments are harsh as you are in an authority position no musnt take advantage of that to get sex.
I'm really sorry you are going through this.
You'll get maternity allowance, I know that's not much help, sorry. It's barely anything.
Are you going to stay together?

Alfiemoon1 · 07/02/2018 10:13

Congratulations on your pregnancy so sorry you are having a tough time. I also would class sending flirty texts as cheating and a massive breach of trust

dirtybadger · 07/02/2018 10:18

Personally if I found out someone had previously lost their job as a lecturer/police officer/other thing where this might apply, because they were abusing their authority over someone (student, witness, victim, etc), I would not be at all comfortable starting a relationship with them. Quite a big character flaw to overlook! An indication of someone with very poor judgment and weird boundaries.
If they'd done it whilst in a relationship (cheating), too? No way.

Olddear · 07/02/2018 12:35

Well, surely he hasn't been arrested for sending flirty texts etc to a colleague...there is more to this.

Cricrichan · 07/02/2018 12:40

I'm so sorry op. Who did he send them to?

f83mx · 07/02/2018 12:42

what offence was he arrested for? Sounds odd - i know of people who've been marched out in front of colleagues by internal governance, not allowed back in the station/office.... but arrested?

middleclasstwat · 07/02/2018 12:47

bookmarked

HateSummer · 07/02/2018 12:52

Sounds like the start of a crappy novel. Hope you resolve the situation quickly!

cakecakecheese · 07/02/2018 13:22

The OP says she knows the details, it's probably best she doesn't go into specifics really isn't it?

The main thing is deciding what to do next. Have you been able to speak to him at all? Have you told any of your family or friends? You definitely need some support right now.

Practically is there any way you can rescind your notice if you'll be entitled to mat pay at your job that you're leaving?

Rednailsandnaeknickers · 07/02/2018 23:12

Do you want to stay pregnant now that you know this about him? You dont necessarily have to. You'll be tied to him forever if you have a child with him. You do have options if you'd rather dump his lying cheating arse and start again. (Prepares to be flamed for saying it but hey ho. It's one point of view).

Sazjh · 07/02/2018 23:16

Withdraw your notice, it's still early in your pregnancy, but at least you will get your maternity pay xx

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