emotional affair

[smellysocksandstickysweets]

Where's the line?!
I'm in an unhappy relationship, I'm planning to leave but for financial reasons its going to be a while.

But I've met someone online through a mutual hobby and really clicked. Haven't exchanged numbers or surnames yet but I want to get to know him better. How far is too far?!

I know honesty is the best policy but I also need to keep myself in the best personal situation I can.

Stay away from him! I was in a similar (ish) situation with an old ex and I walked away before the line was crossed. You're not in a position to start a new relationship as you are still married. It really is that simple

What they said

If you get caught you'll always be the bad one who broke the family apart and his shitty behaviour will be forgotten.

Have you spoken to your oh about splitting up yet? Are there kids involved?

I’m in the same position as you, but a few more months on. Still in EA territory. It’s painful.

Sorry, not married, no mortgage should have given more details up front.
I don't want to hurt him, I just don't want to be with him any longer and once youve made that decision its hard to stay.
Yes 2 kids.
He is blissfully unaware.

And I suppose if my new friend is special, he'd wait til things were sorted

He would definitely wait if he was special

Decent thing to do would be to tell your poor boyfriend that you two are breaking up but you’re too poor to move on yourself so you’ll continue to hope that he supports you.

I think you should speak to your dp and break things up and come up with a separation plan. Look into what you'd be entitled to etc.

As others have said, don't do anything until you're single and have been for a few months.

Take some time, split from your partner and give your kids some time to come to terms with it.

As you said, if this person is really special and wants to be with you then they'll wait.

That said, do not throw away a whole life for some random person on the internet. You don't really know anything about them. If I were in your shoes I would be distancing myself from this person completely and then make any future decisions.

I’m happy with what I’m entitled too, but we are tied into contracts, loan repayments etc, and I’d have to move into parents and sibling is there at the moment so it feels like everything is waiting for the next piece of the puzzle.
I wasn’t trying to meet someone but we’ve clicked, even tho we’ve not met in person.
It’s so hard coz I feel all excited and want to talk to him all the time, like a silly teenager!

Why do you have to move? Why can't he move?

I can’t afford the house without him even with maintenance and child tax credits and can’t work any more than I do

Are you 12

Nice. Come into relationships and mock somebody who is feeling confused and asking for help. Piss off to aibu

Cheating is doing something you couldn’t tell your partner about because it falls outside of the acceptable boundaries of your relationship.

Don’t be a cheater, keep your self respect. Also you’re very emotionally vunerable at the moment. Any links you firm now may not be healthy ones.

So step back, don’t turn into someone you don’t respect and don’t risk your emotional well-being. Sort your situation out and then you can chat to him all you want.

You'e not even MET this person!

You knew what you were going to get by asking your question, don't snap at other posters.

You basically want to have at least an emotional fling affair if not a physical one but expect your poor partner who has no idea to keep funding you while you do it. Can you really not see how that makes you sound?

So basically you want your cake and eat it.

Finnish one relationship before starting another.

Or at least have the decency to tell your DP you are leaving him.

Sorry, I'm used to being defensive on this website. I don't think I will swap numbers or anymore details with my new friend yet, should I explain why to him so he doesn't think I'm playing games?
I will tell my oh, its just gotta be the right time. Saying those words will cause a fall out that will affect my kids. At the moment at least I'm the only one who's unhappy at the moment.

At least I think I am, oh may be pleased to split up with me!

So you're with your partner who is father to your 2 children and you're happily planning your next relationship with some guy you've not even met??

Stop now. Sort your current life out then maybe somewhere way down the line consider a relationship with someone you have at least met.

OP, you had a thread in AIBU in July last year asking if you should leave your partner and you used this phrase:

i'm almost waiting for something worth leaving him

Now, it was clear in that thread that your partner isn't terribly nice and everyone said you should leave him, but that you should just do so, spend some time single because you had never really had relationships before so didn't know what they were like.

You've chosen not to do so, you have actually followed through, or attempted to, with the "waiting for something worth leaving". But your new online friend may not want to have a relationship with you. Or it may not work out.

You MUST first leave your OH, take some time out and learn to be you, learn what is good and bad in a relationship and only THEN start dating someone.

Yeah and 8 months on I'm still here :( I've at least made the decision to leave him! I actually think its be easier if he cheated coz then I could take the moral high ground and kick him out and deal with the house situation further down the line. But I cant, hes crap and I don't love him but I have to protect the kids as much as possible and making ourselves homeless is not the sensible thing to do.
But as I've said, once you've made that decision its hard not to plan for the future and online man is the first glimmer ive had that men can be nice (and useful and kind and supportive)

I need to leave him and be a grown up I know. And not be prepping the next one ready to step into his shoes straight away.
It'd be lovely to be single and date a bit actually. I think I need to put a date in the diary and stick to it, stop procrastinating coz I'm scared of being alone and skint!

Smelly You don't know this online person AT ALL. You actually don't know if he really is nice, useful, kind and supportive because, quite honestly, he doesn't exist. He won't exist until you've met him, spent time with him over months and months to work out if he is all those things.

You're still saying "it'd be lovely to be single and date a bit". NO. Forget the second half of that sentence. You need to just get to "it'd be lovely to be single" and do that and focus on your children. Dating can come WAY down the line.

Ha! True. Lets work on being single first.
Will get a plan down with parents about when they can have us back. Not go any further with online man.
And once I have a plan, then tell oh.
That decision feels awesome!

I think you're projecting your hopes and dreams of a wonderful relationship onto this online friend.

You don't know him. You may have zero chemistry when you meet.

Before you let yourself fall head over heels with this man, extricate yourself from your current relationship. Work out what's going to happen with the loans and where you and your DC will live.

Once you are single, you can then arrange to turn your online friendship into a real relationship - but bear in mind that clicking with someone through words on a screen, doesn't always translate into real life romance.