Should I claim maintenance even if it causes rift between XH and I?

[springchickenn]

I've never had a formal arrangement with ExH for maintenance. We married and divorced young and had nothing to show for ourselves at the time. I gave ExH some leeway whilst he was finishing Uni but when he got a job I managed to get him to give £100 a month towards DS. Before that he'd just used to pay for DS swimming lessons which I was thankful for.

A little over a year ago, he loaned me some money to have my car fixed since I do all the school runs. He said instead of paying him back he wouldn't pay maintence for 2 years. I had little options at the time so agreed. He has since been promoted big time and is living very lavishly meanwhile, now I struggle to buy DS Contact lenses, fund his school trips and pay for school dinners etc... Despite working nearly fulltime - It's really a struggle for me atm.

I was curious so used the CMS calculator and realized that had I gone through them, I'd be entitled to £400 a month. That means really, I'd have paid off the money he loaned me in 6 months, nevermind 2 years! I know if I did this, he would be really angry with me. We don't have the best relationship anyway, we rarely speak and he only sees DS (He's 12 now) every fortnight for one day (DS doesn't even like to stay over - so he doesn't).

I wonder if I am being unreasonable by thinking I should claim Maintenance via CMS? Or if I should try and negotiate with him (it won't be easy) to sort it out amongst ourselves. I'm scared its going to rock the boat too much but at the sametime, I am paying and struggling for absolutely everything right now and could use the help.

Thoughts? (Sorry for the novella)

What a cuntish response. Grief for what. Losing some of his money. Emigrate my arse.

Aside from that...CONGRATS 🍹👍🥂

You did the right thing OP. With respect tonpwying him back for the car, consider that you’ve missed the additional payments for some time. I’m guessing the two probably even each other out. Personally, I’d think you’re about even. £400 pounds is fuck all tbh.

With respect to his blackmail about downsizing or emigrating. Just laugh in his face. He’s a fucking turd of the highest order.

I imagine he's just going through the 5 stages of grief.

that's funny OP. Best of luck. I wonder do men like this ever step back and say "here I am really upset at being expected to provide my share of support my own child - wow!" or do they just see it as giving money to the ex and the fairies provide for the child. weird people.

He sounds like a nasty emotional bully!
I'd say you've already paid him back for the car loan, don't be giving him anymore money, you've let him off too lightly for years!

I imagine he's just going through the 5 stages of grief

Love it

Imagine the grief at having to contribute towards your own child

work out what he owes you for the last 12 years of bringing your DS up deduct the money you owe him and tell him you take the arrears in installments.

Do not pay that loan back what an absolute twunt.

I will keep my fingers crossed for you that he does emigrate!!!

Good for you! I wouldn't have even told him about the claim. Cunt. Good on you blocking him. Do not engage any further with that piece of shit.

Firstly, he's going to emigrate anyway hmm (He threatened to do this when we first split up). Then that he will have to downsize (lose DS bedroom at his place) and live in a bedsit

I've always wondered what kind of knobber would live in a bedsit, but have a brand new BMW sitting outside. Now I know.

@Huskylover1
Even though it’s a shit situation for the OP. That genuinely made me laugh out loud

Hunting What a knob though. Sounds just like my ExH. He told me that if I "made" him pay full CM, he'd have no money, couldn't afford his mortgage, bla bla bla. I knew it was all crap. Quele Surprise when he was forced to pay, not only did he manage it, he also managed to replace all his carpets, install a new kitchen, buy a nearly new car, book a foreign holiday and replace all the curtains with a top notch made to measure specialist. Fucking liar! I suspect the Op's ExH is cut from the same cloth.

Well done Op, you have done the right thing.

Ignore his empty threats and stay strong.

He should be contributing to his child's life. If you barely speak to him you have nothing to lose. Can it be back dated?

Lol at emigrate

He still has to pay child support regardless of what country he lives in is he a bit thick or what?

No it will only be backdated till the date the op made the claim.

Well done OP. Don't reply to his pathetic messages. Or if you can't resist, insist he sells the BMW

I would unblock him and keep all messages in case he ever goes for 50/50 he clearly is more interested in his money than his child. Also diarise contact as far back as you can remember and going forward. Just in case.

Christ, what a bell end

Call the CMS and get the claim backdated - if this is possible.

What a prince among men - doesn't want to pay for his own child? Knob.

Please tell me that they backdate claims.

You'd be able to buy a new car, never mind pay back a "loan" for that one!

Sorry - just seen your update . Well done. (He's still a knob.)

Call the CMS and get the claim backdated - if this is possible

It isn't. Unfortunately. Which is why she needs to raise the case now, even if later on they decide on a mutual arrangement whereby he pays her directly (rather than CMS collecting the payments), because if he defaults, she can chase him thru the CMS dating back from Feb 2018.

Don’t pay this neglectful twat the car money back. He owes you.

lol thanks everyone. He really is a manchild. I knew his feathers would be rustled but the toys are well and truly out of the pram. He's told DS he's coming to get him this weekend (it's not his weekend). No doubt he intends on coming in to try and coherce me into dropping the claim. I shall make sure DS is to be collected from Grandmas. And, just lie low until he's come to terms with it or emigrates lol.

If it’s not his weekend and DS doesn’t want to see him tell him no!