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Original poster

confused - what do you make of this?

27 replies

confused37 · 05/02/2018 20:00

I met this guy via OD at the beginning of December. He was away on holiday and we've been chatting for a few days. The day after he was back he sent me a message saying he met someone and asking if we wanted to stay friends which I agreed. We kept chatting over the holiday season and we decided to meet at the end of December for lunch. At that point, he revealed he wasn't seeing the other woman any longer, so we ended up meeting again for a date in the evening and we kissed. We dated a few more times than he at the beginning of Jan he went abroad for one month. We have been regularly in contact while he was away. He was back yesterday and I went to pick him up at the airport to help him with the luggage. He was tired and a bit grumpy, so I literally helped him till home then left almost straight away (he didn't protest or insisted for me to stay). We were supposed to have dinner tonight but he said he wasn't feeling well and asked to move. I was also supposed to go to his place after work so I asked him if he wanted to cancel so he could rest and he agreed. I guess I am bit puzzled as he seems a bit grumpy and cold since he is back, and, while we were in touch regularly when he was abroad, we almost haven't talked at all since his return.
He is Dutch and quite direct in his talking, and the made clear many times he wanted to try to get to know each other, so from one side I think he is just being tired and unwell, but it does seem strange he is behaving like this now...

OP posts:
Blackteadrinker77 · 05/02/2018 20:07

I'd move on, life is too short for all that drama

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 05/02/2018 20:26

Another vote for move on.

Dancingfairy · 05/02/2018 22:30

Your his plan b. he drops you the minute he meets someone "better"?

Cricrichan · 05/02/2018 22:32

Nah. At the beginning, if you really like someone you're never too tired. Move on.

rewritethestars · 05/02/2018 22:33

You picked him up from the airport? You must be mad. How rude that he was tired and grumpy with you. Tell him where to get off.

MexicanBob · 06/02/2018 00:19

Agree with Dancing. You're his "fallback" in case No 1 doesn't come through. Forget him. It's not worth it.

MyKingdomForBrie · 06/02/2018 00:34

Ditch. Ungrateful sod!

Myheartbelongsto · 06/02/2018 02:11

Bin him op

Original poster
confused37 · 06/02/2018 08:29

Rewritethestars why am I mad? It's a genuine question as I am just back on the dating scene after 8 years. Just to clarify I live fairly close to the airport and I went there via public transport to take the tube together and help him with his luggage.
He was aware of it, infact he proposed the idea of meeting at the airport, although for some reason he thought I was going to stay at his place for the night, which is odd as we never discussed that ( besides we haven't had sex and I am not planning to for a while, possibly never now lol)

OP posts:
Original poster
confused37 · 06/02/2018 08:29

Am I being naive to think it was a nice thing to do?

OP posts:
Canyouguess · 06/02/2018 08:32

Have some self respect OP

You sound like his lap dog. Picking him up; helping him; asking if he wants to rearrange plans to suit him.

Canyouguess · 06/02/2018 08:33

And as for being moody with someone who picks you up from the airport - that alone warrants being dumped!

Rewritethestars · 06/02/2018 08:35

Of course it was a nice thing to do but I think you put yourself out for someone who didn't appreciate it. Picking up from airports to help with luggage is something I would only do for close family.

Amatree · 06/02/2018 08:36

Agree with PP, sorry but you need to act with a lot more self respect of you're going to survive the dating world. He isn't particularly interested in you, you are a fallback option to him. Don't allow yourself to be that - block him and move along.

Higher expectations at the outset of a relationship will stop you ending up in the miserable position of many women that you see on these relationship boards.

Justmuddlingalong · 06/02/2018 08:40

I think if you want some respect, you'll need to find your own. He's certainly not giving you any. Ditch him. And don't waste time 'being friends'. Get back online and set your bar a bit higher.

Original poster
confused37 · 06/02/2018 08:50

Why do people say I didn't have self-respect? Is it about going to seeing him at the airport or keeping in touch after he told me he met someone?
I am honestly not being defensive, I am just trying to understand people points as I would appreciate feedback.
If it is about the airport tbh I would do that for any person I care, regardless whether it's close family or not, assuming I have the time and capabilities.
If it is about him seeing someone else, at the beginning I wasn't really that much into him, although we were having very good conversations, so when he said he met someone and asked if he wanted to stay friends I thought it was a good idea. Then we met and clicked and things progressed as he wasn't seeing the other woman anymore.

OP posts:
Bethesame · 06/02/2018 08:54

Well he's not offering you much is he?

He told you he met someone, then he wanted to be friends with you before you even met, then you were still on hand to help him even though he had been away for a month, you haven't had sex so you are obviously not in a relationship as such and then when you do finally see him and help him out he is moody and grumpy with you.

Justmuddlingalong · 06/02/2018 08:54

The picking him up from the airport is besides the point. He's keeping you on the back burner, and you're allowing that. He sounds like a rubbish prospect and a pretty shite friend too.

Original poster
confused37 · 06/02/2018 08:59

Justmuddlingalong could you please explain why you write "He's keeping you on the back burner"?

OP posts:
SundaysFunday · 06/02/2018 09:01

I don't think he's that into you, I'd be backing off completely (I think his actions are showing that he wants more distance).

He may well realise he really does want to get to know you better and start Pursuing you again, although I'm guessing things will just fizzle out.

Original poster
confused37 · 06/02/2018 09:02

Bethesame I was on hand to help him even though he had been away for a month because we have been in touch daily during that month and we've got to know each other, or at least this is what I thought. You're right, we haven't had sex, but does a relationship necessarily start from when you have sex onwards? Tbh I disagree :-)

Him being grumpy when we met is definitely a red flag though

OP posts:
Original poster
confused37 · 06/02/2018 09:04

Thanks SundaysFunday, that's exactly what I am planning to do :-)

OP posts:
Underpressure13 · 06/02/2018 09:04

I wouldn't bother continuing this OP, you sound lovely and deserve better. If he makes this much effort at the start , it's unlikely to improve as you go on . You could always suggest the idea when you see him in person next that you might be better as just friends and notice his reaction . If he agrees and isn't at all bothered , you have your answer. Good luck Flowersx

Justmuddlingalong · 06/02/2018 09:04

He's picking you up and dropping you when it suits him. You are investing too much emotionally in a man who takes or leaves you as and when it suits him.

Amatree · 06/02/2018 09:11

The reason we're suggesting you're not acting with self respect is because it sounds like you're just dangling on a string waiting for him to throw you a bone then you come running. He has made it clear you're second choice and is treating you that way, yet you seem to be fine with that and willing to sit around waiting for him to show more interest. That's not having self-respect in my opinion, sorry.