Am I making a mistake?

[YoungmumB]

I'm 17 and recently found out I am 7 weeks pregnant. I've been with my boyfriend for about 8 months now and the relationship hasn't ever really been easy. Since finding out I was pregnant we have had much more arguments and he has decided to suddenly leave his job to top it all off. I just feel really unhappy in the relationship some of the time but I do love him and when we are good it is so good.
I don't want to stay with him just because I am pregnant though and end up ruining mine and the baby's life.
Any suggestions on what to do?

Where do you see your life when you are 25?

Some suggestions..

1. working towards a good career or even achieved a good vocation by now

1. Holidays with the girls

3, in a negative relationship that you stay in as you have a 7 year old child.

1. Struggling as a single mum, financially, emotionally.

1. 4 plus hassle from the ex, whose new partner you don't like being around your child.

1. Being young free and single and meeting mr right, planning a wedding, deciding when to have a child, doing it together and supporting each other.

No judgement.

@youngmumB
Firstly congratulations on your pregnancy. You may be only 17 but quite frankly you seem to be showing more maturity already, than many of the posters on here replying to you.
You are already clearly taking this seriously by asking for advice as opposed to just ‘oh well I’ll have a go at this’
Many posters have practically thrust abortion or adoption at you. I am not pro or anti abortion but you are cleArly already aware of those options. I’m shocked so many ‘adults’ have reached the immediate conclusion you’d be a rubbish Mum.
Some young mums are superb. Some older mums are hopeless. People are asking you if you’re ready to parent. Nobody ever really knows until they are actually one themselves. First babies are often tough no matter what your age.
You will definitely be better off with some good stable support. This can come from anywhere. A bf, a friend, a family member of a health professional.
Ref your bf, it’s unlikely things between you will improve in the next couple of years. Young men can mature a little later than women. He’s still fairly young. You’re going to need to feel stable and supported to be the best Mum you can. Being single is far easier than being with the wrong person. Maybe in time will improve between you. A couple of generations ago people were practically almost married at your age with kids on the way. Have a look online to find some online groups of mums in similar circumstances to you. You should be entitled to financial support too, but depending how much will depend on your circumstances. If you need any help from me then just say.
I realise the idea of his parents house is lovely, and tempting but very quickly you could also feel trapped. You’d be better off securing somewhere for yourself and baby. This is not impossible at all. There is help out there for you. Xx

I know a few women who had children in circumstances like yours. Some a bit older. All wish they had waited to have children when they were older and in a stable relationship. You are so young, neither of you really know each other, it's only been a few months, and now the pressure is on, you are not getting along.

Would you move in with him if you weren't pregnant? If not then it's probably best if you don't live together.
I see so many post on here from women let down by crap boyfriends they jump head first into relationships with, moved in, had babies before they really knew each other and then it all goes to shit because they are not compatible.
Also lots of lost from women whose exes do fuckall to help with their child, refuse to provide financially etc. Are your parents aware you expecting them to fund you?
Sorry if you don't like being presumed to be immature, we haven't got a lot to go on from a couple of sentences but from what you have told us you don't sound like you've got your head screwed on.

Op ignore the unhelpful bitchy comments and come off this thread it's not going to do you any favours right now

I'd rather you were my friend than some of the women on here!

Hey. I agree with some of the previous posters who say you DO sound pretty level headed and just ignore the bitchy ones who think age means maturity.

When you say it’s never been easy do you mean you and he don’t get on or that the relationship has been difficult for other reasons? That changes things a lot, and even not getting on now at the start of a pregnancy can be a normal thing for many couples whether they are young or old or planning a baby or not. It’s a hormonal time and not ideal for big decisions but it is what it is.
I hope you’ve had a chance to talk to your boyfriend, and that he has reassured you. Maybe there is a good reason he feels he needs to leave his job? Talk talk and talk some more.
Young parents can and do manage and with support from both sides of the family here there is no reason you can’t have your “happy ever after”. It may be tough but it will be worth it.

Maybe there is a good reason he feels he needs to leave his job?

Well at 18 and the only one in a relationship working, baby on the way and no other job to go to, then it had better be extremely good!

Nowhere in the op did op mention an abortion!

Hell's bells, fucking hell your opening line was at your age ......

What the fuck.

Yes, she's young and I just gave advice to think through her options.
Nothing wrong with that.
I go on to say it's totally her body and her decision.
I've not judged at all.
As I said, I would totally stand my own DD if she was in a similar situation.
I don't see the issue!

Age doesn't always mean maturity. But it does mean more life experience, more time to figure out what you want, to understand what you want from a partner, to establish boundaries, to have a stable career, to earn money, to have selfish time, to grow a little wiser.

Of which none of these things OP currently has. She's still a child.

The OP has never even had a job (I presume) - her toes haven't even dipped into the world of adulthood!

You all seem to presume a lot if I'm being honest. I have already said I am not making anymore comments on my situation in this thread. P.s. I have had a job and know a lot more about the world than you would guess, thanks.

I have had a job

Not for long if you are 17. Why don't you have one now?

Oh bugger off @witches
The point the OP was making is that assumptions about her due to age are quite possibly wrong.
Whether or not she has a job is none of your business. That wasn’t what she posted about. Plenty of people have given good advice but more have been judgy and mean and narrow minded.
As a young mum myself I read these posts on these forums and realise that I am and have done a far better job than many so called “mature” mums or selfish women who want their perfect lives not to be ruined by an inconvenient child or baby. So OP have trust in yourself and use the support from those around you. You CAN do this. 👍🏻

@Isadora2007 thank you so much!!

Oh bugger off @witches**

How nice.

I haven't been rude, however you have chosen to be personnel, which says more about you than anything else.

I am and have done a far better job than many so called “mature” mums or selfish women who want their perfect lives not to be ruined by an inconvenient child or baby.

You also talk about people making judgments then come out with that gem.

Oh the irony....

Isa Back to the real world for a moment - given neither the OP or her baby's dad don't have a job, who do you think is going to be paying for the upkeep of this "family"?

@witchy
You think asking her why she hasn’t got a job now isn’t rude? And I know people who have worked from 13/14 regularly so by the time they are 17 or 18 could have had quite a lot of experience. Or she could be a volunteer or babysit or lots of things you don’t know.

And I form opinions which are based on things people say and the evidence I see before me. If you think that’s me being judgy, fine. But I don’t see it like that at all. We all have opinions and we may or may not be right. But so many people seem to be putting onto the OP their own perceptions of young people or teen mums or whatever. What about all the joy a child brings? How many teen mums actually wish their child hadn’t been born?

The relationship was key here and yet people leapt to telling a young woman what they thought she should do with her own body?!

@sprightly. Despite the double negative in your post I’m assuming you’re asking who is going to foot the bills for this couple and their child. Well I assume that even if the bf has quit a job he will be able to get another one, and given they don’t seem to be having to pay rent or a mortgage they may well manage quite nicely for a few years on even a minimum wage. So they’re luckier than many.

I've mostly come on to say good luck OP. It sounds like you have loads of support and you are going to do your best for the baby and provide for it and give it lots of support. You get amazing mum's at your age and shit mum's in their 30s. It isn't fair for people to judge you based on your age. And you did not ask whether to keep your baby or not, people gave you their advice on that when you didn't ask for it.

You asked for advice on the relationship. Personally I would go it alone and start now. I know what it's like to be a young single mum getting judged. Loads of people I shouldn't keep my baby (I was raped) but I'm so so happy I did and he is the light of my life. Yes it's hard to be a single parent but it sounds like you have more support than many parents I know. I'd end the relationship and try to apparently effectively if he is agreeable. Good luck with everything. I wish you and your baby a very happy life.

You can't have had a decent job at 17...you're too young to have any work experience that would pay anything like a decent salary.

My DD is your age...doing her A levels and has a PT job in retail...Even if she worked FT... it would be nowhere near enough to raise a baby.

I expect your BF is scared about what lies ahead....he's young like you...I doubt he's ready to be a dad...his whole life is about to change and this isn't what he planned...

Probably not what you planned either...but his reaction is in quitting his job is likely born out if fear

It's a long road ahead...good luck with it.

I had a very well paid job at 17. It was over double minimum wage for a 17 year old (min wage was £3/ph I was earning £7.50/ph plus bonuses plus weeked rate when I worked it £400 for 10 hours of sitting in the premises) Wish I had stayed. I would be in a much better position financially than I am now.