Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Is this an unreasonable request?

63 replies

Dancingfairy · 05/02/2018 11:41

You and your partner break up for a year. In that time he sleeps with LOTS (direct quote from him) of women. No relationships just meeting women from the internet and having casual sex. Anyway you decide to give it another go as you both still love each other, is it unreasonable to say that he needs to stop contact with the women he met during the year you had broken up? Let's bare in mind these were all sexual relationships. He is saying it's unreasonable as they are 'friends.' I found out he had invited one over to his house to watch a DVD at 7pm the day before he came to my house. Thoughts?

OP posts:

LizzieSiddal · 05/02/2018 13:10

He sounds horrible.

Get rid of him, you deserve so much better!

Zaphodsotherhead · 05/02/2018 13:13

And if your resolve fails, just think to yourself 'what kind of man tells his reconciled girlfriend that he slept with LOTS of women whilst they were apart, and, more importantly, WHY did he feel it necessary to say anything?'

AuraofDora · 05/02/2018 13:14

I think you're wasting your time here, move on and find someone who is worth it.

He's a grade A cheeky loser, possibly with a STI too. Sprint for the hills.

Angelf1sh · 05/02/2018 13:16

This is not a good idea for a relationship. He’s clearly not interested in your feelings and clearly still having sex with these women.

I generally get annoyed when people say it’s fine to expect your partner to end female friendships, I think it’s totally unreasonable and I’d be furious if I were asked to do it, but these are not friends. These are casual sex partners and he’s still contacting them. I wouldn’t trust him and I’d drop him in a heartbeat.

Original poster

Dancingfairy · 05/02/2018 13:17

Yes the networking thing was during the relationship. I didn't check his phone messages from various women I hadn't heard of would pop up on his phone and I would ask who they are since he had never mentioned them and he would say he got their number in clubs and it's called "networking." Anyway he certainly wasn't hanging around for me as he moved a woman into his house a few weeks after I left and I told him that sounds like he was in a relationship with her, he said it wasn't and she paid him rent but he kept trying it on with her so she said that if they sleep together she won't pay him rent anymore. So he stopped after that but said one night when they had been drinking they slept together and she started to say she wasn't going to pay him any rent money now. Oh gosh writing this all down makes me sound crazy for even considering getting back with him. It was me that broke up with him as I was going through a lot of stress at the time.

OP posts:

Smeaton · 05/02/2018 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Dancingfairy · 05/02/2018 13:32

I don't even know why he tells me all this tbh he knows my confidence is low.

OP posts:

Smeaton · 05/02/2018 13:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Huskylover1 · 05/02/2018 13:41

He must think you're sewn up the back.

And his text message didn't ask that girl to come round and watch a DVD....it asked her to come round at 7pm. And his follow up message saying "not for sex" would be entirely unnecessary, if they had already agreed that their friendship was going to be platonic.

He's a slippery liar.

demirose87 · 05/02/2018 13:43

I wouldn't entertain the idea of a man like this. Raise your standards, there's better men out there more deserving of you.

ISpeakJive · 05/02/2018 13:55

It was me that broke up with him as I was going through a lot of stress at the time

Yes and by continuing the relationship your stress levels will only get worse.

Bin him!

LizzieSiddal · 05/02/2018 14:11

Oh gosh writing this all down makes me sound crazy for even considering getting back with him. It was me that broke up with him as I was going through a lot of stress at the time.

Yes you are right, you would be c Suzy to take him back.

It’s a good thing to write it all down though, get it all out. Then bin him.

LizzieSiddal · 05/02/2018 14:11

*crazy not Suzy!

pinkyredrose · 05/02/2018 14:19

Friends yes of course they are! Why are you putting up with this shit? I think it's time for a sexual health screening. Please tell me you've been using condoms?

hellsbellsmelons · 05/02/2018 14:33

Oh gosh writing this all down makes me sound crazy for even considering getting back with him
Yes!
Please work on your own self.
Get your self-esteem up.
Please either do the Womens Aid Freedom Programme on line or try to attend in person.
It will help you avoid assholes like this in future.
Help your self-esteem, your judgement, your assertiveness, helps to set your boundaries and ensure people don't overstep them.
This guy is sooooooo far over your boundary line - the line is just a dot to him!
Stop doing any of this just because you want a 'man'!!!
This dickhead is not worth a moment more of your time.

iamafraidofvirginiawolves3cats · 05/02/2018 14:43

Horrible man. Forget all this distraction about female friends. I suspect many of the reasons you broke up with him originally ate still there and now include his behaviour since you split up. The business about rent or sex is nasty.

You know what you need to do. You will always have a place in your heart for this man, but you don’t love him. Not really because he is not nearly good enough for you.

Original poster

Dancingfairy · 05/02/2018 14:46

Yes we definitely use condoms. However it turns out he didn't with all of them as apparently "they were on the pill" I asked him about stds and he didn't seem concerened, I asked about pregnancies and he said "not everyone keeps babies."

OP posts:

category12 · 05/02/2018 14:55

I knew the "networking" would be during your relationship.

Your low self confidence suits him perfectly, which is why he tells you all this stuff, and it is leading you to make the mistake of taking him back. Don't. Nothing has changed and he will make you miserable.

Justturned50 · 05/02/2018 14:58

No no no no! Just no. Nothing good will come of this!!

DoctorTwo · 05/02/2018 15:28

Listen to the advice of about 250000 Brazilians and loads of Mumsnetters.

cakecakecheese · 05/02/2018 15:59

It sounds like you have very low self esteem and being with this person is really not going to help with that. You deserve so much better than being with someone whose attitude towards you and women in general is appalling.

Ohyesiam · 05/02/2018 16:18

Op, you could have a man who loves you and only you, who respects you and wants you to be happy and feel secure.
Please leave this loser. I found that my confidence improved when I started doing things I was interested in, but had never bothered with before. It have me a stronger sense of self.
Good luck with it all op.

Onecutefox · 05/02/2018 16:22

If he loved you he wouldn't sleep with any other women except you even if he had to wait some time. That's love.

DarkNightDelight · 05/02/2018 16:23

No you're not being unreasonable! And do you believe that they sat watched a dvd together? Do people really watch dvds anymore?
I couldn't have that going off and if she's a "friend" he wouldn't mind you meeting her

Ickyockycocky · 05/02/2018 16:23

and you love him? Why?

Flip

1 2 3