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Original poster

DH constantly texting client

46 replies

Delatron · 02/02/2018 21:04

Times have changed since I worked in an office so I don't know what's appropriate or not with regards to texting work colleagues..

DH has a client he works closely with they constantly text all day. I've kept an eye on it sporadically purely because it seems constant. But it is all mainly work stuff.
All 'how did that call go' 'can you talk about this' 'what did X say about x'. I've spoke to him before as I think it's weird, I reckon 15 texts per day? But maybe that's how people communicate today in work?

Occasionally spills over to personal stuff. DH had hospital appointment today, she asked how it went, he sent photo of himself in sunglasses.
She's just sent another text asking to talk. She sent a picture of her laptop plus a beer.

I don't know if this is work or an emotional affair?! Nothing suspicious about the texts it's just the sheer volume. I have spoken to him so I can't go down that avenue again.

He deletes the texts too, probably as there's so many. So I just saw today's 20 texts...

OP posts:
pickleofficer · 02/02/2018 21:09

20 texts a day? That's nothing, IMO. I can send my husband that in half an hour...

Original poster
Delatron · 02/02/2018 21:10

Ok cool. I don't text much so it seems loads to me (to somebody who's not me!)

OP posts:
TokenGinger · 02/02/2018 21:13

Given you say the texts are innocent and about work, I wouldn’t think it’s anything to worry about.

We use Skype for Business at work and we’ll constantly message colleagues on there for quick updates. It’s quicker than calling somebody and saves walking to the other end of the office for a 2 second answer.

If an organisation doesn’t have that facility, texting is a close second.

LittleFeileFooFoo · 02/02/2018 21:14

Does he text you a lot/at all? If you are seeing the texts he's not worried you know about it. That to me is the assurance I'd need to not worry

But that's me. I'm sure others will feel differently.

Original poster
Delatron · 02/02/2018 21:17

No he doesn't text me. It's like getting hold of the pope.
All of the texts look innocent though. Just so many...!

OP posts:
Hotdoggity · 02/02/2018 21:21

A good rule of thumb is, Are they the kind of texts male colleague might send? If so, fine.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 02/02/2018 21:23

I don't think she should be asking for a call on a Friday night at 9 pm. She should be more professional and respect the fact he's married with a family.

Myddognearlyatethedeliveryman · 02/02/2018 21:24

Pickle but it's not a spouse he is texting is it?

Original poster
Delatron · 02/02/2018 21:25

MyBrilliantdesign that's my thinking, she does that a lot. She's abroad though so often a time difference.
To be fair, he mainly ignores her if it's family time. Just pisses me off!

OP posts:
Original poster
Delatron · 02/02/2018 21:26

Hotdoggity most are, the post hospital selfie, not so sure.

OP posts:
Hotdoggity · 02/02/2018 21:30

I'd say it's borderline. Tricky as you've got two people to consider - even if he's none the wiser, she might be over stepping the mark a bit. Yeah they selfie's a grey area. I don't think you're wrong to keep an eye on it.

Original poster
Delatron · 02/02/2018 21:40

Thanks. Yes, I think I'll just keep an eye on the situation. It's the deletions that annoy me as I only ever see one day worth!

OP posts:
ifIwasinvisiblewaitIalreadyam · 02/02/2018 22:04

If messages are being deleted then that's something to definitely worry about.

Original poster
Delatron · 02/02/2018 22:13

I'm thinking that's because there's so many of them on a daily basis. Also because we've had a conversation about it before. It's obvious though that's he's deleted them so I can always bring that up. Or ask
him to stop deleting them.

OP posts:
BeenthereandhavetheTshirt · 03/02/2018 08:17

The personal stuff ? Just NO . They are flirting and trying each other out . People hide behind phones and get much braver .

Cricrichan · 03/02/2018 08:48

What kind of company is it? I get on really well with some people who I work with and we do end up emailing about personal stuff and when working on something it's back and forth emails. These are female though.

readyforapummelling · 03/02/2018 09:18

I have a "work Dad" who I share an office with and we will text quite a lot as I work 3 days but need to be kept informed of what's happening on my days off. A lot of the time we have a laugh via text but absolutely nothing flirty. I give him a lot of my DDs baby things for his granddaughter. If I thought for one minute that his wife wasn't happy about it and was beginning to feel insecure about our professional relationship I would put an instant block on anything that wasn't work related.

There is absolutely nothing in our messages, he always talks to me about how lovely his wife is, and I'm forever yabbering on about my family so it is possible to have a platonic work relationship with the opposite sex.

Original poster
Delatron · 03/02/2018 10:22

It's a management consultancy, so constant communication is needed. That's fine.
Yes, it's the personal stuff.
I think, as I've already had a conversation with him about this and he knows I wasn't happy about it spelling over in to personal stuff, I'll just have to keep an eye on it.

Nothing else suspicious. He does travel for work often though. Sometimes with her..

OP posts:
Original poster
Delatron · 03/02/2018 10:22

Spilling not spelling!

OP posts:
Cleavergreene · 03/02/2018 10:29

Nothing you’ve described sounds suss. If you want to appear clingy, by all means have another chat with him.

Believeitornot · 03/02/2018 10:32

It sounds a bit suss to me. Blurring the lines.

My builder started texting me after I’d given my number for one of his trades to ring me. We’d been dealing with emails before that. It felt odd, so I kept replying via email and he got the point.

Your dh should use email and less of the picture exchanging.

Somerville · 03/02/2018 10:33

Sending selfies to a colleague?
And 15 texts per day, when he doesn't text you at all?

I'd be pissed off at how time wasting it was, and I'd probabaly (sorry) be suspicious of emotional affair.

NewIdeasToday · 03/02/2018 10:37

Why are you checking his texts every day???!!

LemonShark · 03/02/2018 10:42

What phone does he have?

There's no good reason with most modern phones to have to delete texts OP. The capacity for space is immense. My phone still has texts stored from 2010.

I think it's suspicious if he's deleting messages.

Original poster
Delatron · 03/02/2018 10:42

His argument last time was that emails take longer for people to reply. I never used to text work colleagues so I found it all strange.

It does seem how they all communicate though. They are on phone calls lots, travelling between buildings so text is instant.

Quite divisive opinions! As it's work related he would say it's not time wasting, he is working. They are short texts. Eg.
'How was that call' 'X didn't say much' etc.
She texts like it's what's app which annoys me. So one texts says 'hi' then she writes another couple of words and sends then another couple. This makes me irrationally angry!! Just write a whole text!

OP posts: