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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DH constantly texting client

46 replies

Delatron · 02/02/2018 21:04

Times have changed since I worked in an office so I don't know what's appropriate or not with regards to texting work colleagues..

DH has a client he works closely with they constantly text all day. I've kept an eye on it sporadically purely because it seems constant. But it is all mainly work stuff.
All 'how did that call go' 'can you talk about this' 'what did X say about x'. I've spoke to him before as I think it's weird, I reckon 15 texts per day? But maybe that's how people communicate today in work?

Occasionally spills over to personal stuff. DH had hospital appointment today, she asked how it went, he sent photo of himself in sunglasses.
She's just sent another text asking to talk. She sent a picture of her laptop plus a beer.

I don't know if this is work or an emotional affair?! Nothing suspicious about the texts it's just the sheer volume. I have spoken to him so I can't go down that avenue again.

He deletes the texts too, probably as there's so many. So I just saw today's 20 texts...

OP posts:

Original poster

Delatron · 03/02/2018 10:44

believeitornot that's funny as DH asked me to text our builder last night a question. I didn't want to as it was a Friday evening and it felt wrong!
So you and I are similar, I think texting is personal and not professional. But times have changed and it seems acceptable over email these days.

OP posts:

BeenthereandhavetheTshirt · 03/02/2018 11:00

Don't listen to these people who are suggesting that you are clingy or too nosy etc ..this is YOUR life and you are entitled to be comfortable with this . If your gut is telling you something it is usually right !

Hotdoggity · 03/02/2018 11:19

This posts attacking people for invading their DH's privacy are starting to wear a bit thin. Some people just share phones - if batteries low, if they can't find theirs - I always text and call of DH's. It's not always a problem.

dirtybadger · 03/02/2018 11:26

Loads of messages including non-work related stuff and selfies isnt weird if its a group type text/message. Its annoying as fuck but very common for people to be constantly bombarded by these. Individual colleagues is different IMO.

Personally I would be uncomfortable with my DP texting a work colleague all day, unless I knew they were good friends. 15 texts isnt so weird if they are back and forth within a 30 minute period, or something, too. Exchanging quite a few texts but basically sorting work stuff, with a bit of chit chat, is different to texting all day and into the evening.

NewIdeasToday · 03/02/2018 11:34

Hotdoggity

The OP hasn’t used his phone as hers is low on battery. She is clearly checking his texts everyday. I find that bizarre.

Murinae · 03/02/2018 11:39

We text at work now all the time. It’s the main form of communication as we work across three buildings. Sometimes I think work should pay my phone bill but as I have an unlimited contract it doesn’t really bother me. It’s now definitely expected at work to text and answer texts.

Original poster

Delatron · 03/02/2018 12:02

Where did I say I check his phone every day?
This is the first time I've looked in months and it was because I saw a text pop up from her at 8.30pm on a Friday saying 'can you talk?'.

OP posts:

Original poster

Delatron · 03/02/2018 12:03

Yes hotdoggity we often share phones, call from each other's phone.
His phone is left lying around so quite often you can see a trail of texts pinging through.

OP posts:

ShowMePotatoSalad · 03/02/2018 12:03

Work stuff, fine. Picture of himself in sunglasses? Ask yourself this: would he send that to a male work colleague?

Original poster

Delatron · 03/02/2018 12:05

Exactly, I don't think he would!!

OP posts:

loveyoutothemoon · 03/02/2018 12:05

He must be glued to his phone, that in itself would do my head in even if it was just anyone. How does he manage to have a decent conversation with you when all he's doing is keep looking at his phone.

The deleting doesn't look good. Keep your eyes peeled, try and catch him out before he deletes.

Aridane · 03/02/2018 12:07

Yes, it’s off -:esp the photos

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 03/02/2018 12:10

Can you talk = is the wife there?

yetmorecrap · 03/02/2018 12:11

Me and DH had an employee like this, but she would only contact him and not always work related, she had a lot of personal stuff going down and just I think liked to offload. He started deleting because I know he was embarrased at the sheer volume but didn’t have the guts to say can you cut it down please. I think quite a lot of men are like this with women, don’t want to offend them etc or make themselves look ‘not cool’ . You should tell him it annoys you, and he should ask her to cut it back

NotAgainYoda · 03/02/2018 12:15

Yeah. It's suspicious

I'd ask my DH to stop with the personal stuff and see his reaction

Huskylover1 · 03/02/2018 12:16

What did she want to discuss at 8.30pm? And I don't understand why he would send a photo of himself in sunglasses? How is that an answer to how a hospital appointment went, unless he had laser eye surgery?!

Original poster

Delatron · 03/02/2018 12:22

He did actually have some laser eye thing!

There's no boundaries at their work so 8.30pm on a Friday is perfectly reasonable (to them) to text-talk. He does ignore the texts often in the evening though...

I have already spoken to him about cutting down the personal stuff. That's when he started deleting the texts!

OP posts:

Original poster

Delatron · 03/02/2018 12:25

I think the relationship is that she is the client, therefore he needs to get on with her. I don't think he can ask her to stop texting. I've noticed quite often he doesn't reply.
Like last night. He completely ignored the 'can you talk' text. It will have been work.

There's no off switch in their industry, especially with different time zones involved.

OP posts:

Huskylover1 · 03/02/2018 12:26

Ah, the photo makes more sense then. My DH is part of a GroupChat on Whatsapp with his work colleagues, and some people are texting at ridiculous hours. But it's a GroupChat, so nothing inappropriate. I think I'd just regularly snoop his phone, if I was you. Not a popular opinion, but I don't care really! You have a right to Peace of mind.

Original poster

Delatron · 03/02/2018 12:31

Yes I think I need to catch the texts before he deletes them. If they are still on the whole boring work texts then I'll leave it but if the personal stuff ramps up again I'll have another word.

OP posts:

supersop60 · 03/02/2018 12:39

Yes OP - keep an eye on it.
My DP was texting and sending pics of himself to the mother of a student of his. That turned into an EA. I posted on here about it.
Professional texts should stay professional.

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