I think my husband just victim blamed me after attack

[worried2018]

i dont know where to start so please bear with me.
I have been with my husband for 10 years and was in a very violent relationship before him that has continued to happen and affect me throughout my relationship with my husband.
A few months ago my ex started stalking me again and I knew it was only a matter of time before I found myself hurt again. this is a pattern that has occurred previously.
2 weeks ago it happened I was home alone and ex caught me unaware.
but last night my hubby tried to have sex with me but I said no I didn't want to. he immediately backed off but went huffy and said "why has it affected u so badly this time it's not like it careful"
I feel ashamed and guilty and now feel like I have no right to be upset and in pain cos it's my fault. dh is always telling me to lock the door but I can't live like that. we've moved 10 times cos of my ex and I'm sick off it.
he attacks me, I get him arrested he goes to prison and then he's back out and pissed at me so somehow finds and attacks me again.
I told dh to go fuck himself and made him sleep in the spare room
Is my dh bu or am I at fault. He's apologised today and said he wasn't angry at me but at what had happened to me and he feels useless.
I'm not sure what to do I just want to crawl in my bed and stay there

whatwouldkeithrichardsdo thank u for taking the time to reply.
I lock my front doors every night and when I'm on alert I lock my doors whenever dh isn't here. as I said previously I became complacent as this wasn't the usual timeline for things. he was released in September and contacted me in October via messenger. usually there would be a 2-3 weeks of messages then he would appear not 3 months. i didnt know he had been charged with breaking the order until after the attack.
The police were contacted that same day.
I have screenshots of the msgs he's sent which were already sent to the police before the attack. I have an order in place (the latest in a long list of them).
my husband has not coerced, forced, intimidated or harm me please DO NOT compare my dh to that man

I am trying to take my life back AGAIN but that's bloody hard to do wen u are still in pain from the attack and blaming urself. Especially wen I know if I had been a bit more grown up at 19yo I could have had him locked up for a maximum of 8 life sentences, 3 10 year sentences and an array of between 5-7 year sentences. but that's life. I was on my own didn't know where my parents were and the only people I knew was dh and his sister who had no idea of the situation I had been living with since I was 15.
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but I am sick of people pointing out that I need to take responsibility when I fucking know that already.
I don't care about that cuntfungus I care that my dh is hurting and I've been the cause of it. I care that I made my dh cry. and I care that despite wot i may say to his face if he leaves me I will never recover. but yes by all means let's continue to talk about my ex and how stupid I am.

This is not your fault, he is an animal. I'm so sorry this is your reality right now.

You're the victim. What has happened to you is vile. From your post your ex is a possessive, obsessive bastard. He doesn't get the message does he? I'm just urging you to protect yourself at all times, as best you can, because you should be safe and not live in fear.

whatwouldkeithrichardsdo I apologise I snapped in my last thread and I had no right to speak to u that way. I'm in pain, im really confused and I'm really scared. Dh has had to go out and I don't like it 1 bit. it's the first time I've been on my own since the last time happened. it's got me on edge and I felt a bit attacked by ur post (totally unreasonable of me).
Hes on his way back home and has only been gone 30 mins but I keep hearing things

For what it's worth worried only one third of crimes of this nature ever get reported, usually because victims are too afraid to. What you have already done is extremely brave .

Please never feel guilty or responsible for the behaviour of others xx

whatwouldkeithrichardsdo I think you should educate yourself on the impact of trauma & recovery before making comments attributing blame on the victim by focusing on her behaviour, when in reality, yours and mine included, it is never the victim's fault. Even if it does make you 'feel' safer, it actually makes the victim feel more isolated and unsafe.

Sorry but I don't agree.

When some animal is determined to attack you then you protect yourself. This is nothing to do with 'victim blaming'. It's common sense.

The OP has suffered horrendously. I pass no judgment on her but it doesn't need to be intellectualized either. He's the scum bag.

And my comment is referring to her saying 'I'm always being told to lock the door but I can't live like that'.

Sadly, because the guy is determined then she has to. Absolutely not her fault but you have to. There was a shocking documentary a few years ago about a man totally determined to stalk - they go to the limit and you have to be so aware.

I don't want to offend but I know myself how awful these men can be.

@worried2018

No offense taken. My XDP beat the shit out of me and I had a restraining order on him from our home. I was terrified and I know I couldn't rest at all.

You are strong and brave.