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Original poster

My ex posted my underwear back to mr

55 replies

Leogrrl · 30/01/2018 19:54

I haven’t posted here in years but something both horrific and laughable happened today and I would really love a bit of virtual handholding.

I had a messy break-up about a month ago with a guy who went back to his ex. He lives abroad and last time I was at his apartment I left a pretty underwear set behind (deliberately). I had also lent him some books.

Today I received a parcel (his handwriting, but no note) with my books - along with the underwear and another sex-related item.

The books I appreciate back but the underwear and the other stuff? Wouldn’t any sane person throw these away?! Or at least message to ask if I would really want them back?

I feel so upset and cheapened. The items were all stuffed in an old supermarket carrier bag which makes it even worse.

OP posts:
SexTrainGlue · 31/01/2018 07:17

"he would like to have something of mine around when I was away"

As she chose knickers, then concluding wank aid is pretty reasonable, actually

PsychedelicSheep · 31/01/2018 07:23

‘I’d be grateful to get them back’

Me too, definitely. Isn’t it funny how differently we perceive things? I’d be pissed if if he’d kept them!

Angelf1sh · 31/01/2018 07:26

Greenseededgrape, I think it’s pretty obvious Zach is right, are you suggesting the op left worn underwear for any other reason?

Original poster
Leogrrl · 31/01/2018 07:27

Oh ffs, it wasn’t for him to wank over. The time before that he kept a shirt of mine. If he’d sent me wank-pants I really would cry!

Thanks for the comments.

OP posts:
olddogsnewtricks · 31/01/2018 07:30

I think it was a nice gesture! My ex sent all my letters back - that seemed mean.

AuntieStella · 31/01/2018 07:33

Worn panties and a sex toy.

Yes, just what every man wants to keep at the end of a relationship.

He was totally right to send them back, with the books and with no note. The relationship is over and he's just tidying away details. He wants no correspondence with you, so just sending is the easiest and best thing.

TheDailyMailLovesTheEUReally · 31/01/2018 07:50

I had a t-shirt returned to me by an Ex years ago. Pretty innocuous on the face of it but we'd been apart for over 6 months and were still on the fringes of each other's lives due to mutual friends. Every time it looked as if I was moving on, Ex would pop up with a comment or gesture designed to torpedo that. When I got the t-shirt back it was when I was in the middle of a busy street with a group of friends on a social event. Fortunately we were standing next to a bin, so I took it without saying anything, binned it and carried on with what I was doing.

Some people like to 'tidy up' at the end of a relationship - and it may be a genuine attempt at these are your things and I'm just returning them to you

whiskyowl · 31/01/2018 07:52

See this as pushing you through the next phase of the breakup grieving process. It sounds as though him having the underwear was almost a bit of psychological bargaining in your mind - so maybe receiving these back in such a blunt fashion is a step towards acceptance?

StealthNinjaMum · 31/01/2018 07:53

I think whatever he did you would find fault with. If he returned nothing (or thrown them away) you'd have been annoyed, if he'd washed the knickers you'd have been upset about him handling them, if he'd returned the books and not the knickers you'd be wondering why he kept them.

I'm sorry that you're hurting with this breakup but think this is probably not the biggest thing to be upset about.

Original poster
Leogrrl · 31/01/2018 07:54

I think that’s a little bit how I feel, TheDailyMail. This break-up is not the first and I feel like every time I start to get this guy out of my system he comes back. So, in that sense, and the fact that it was sex-related, this feels more than just “stuff” to me, but probably not to him.

I am feeling better today in any case and going out for a drink tonight!

OP posts:
FurCoatFurKnickers · 31/01/2018 07:57

I'd actually be pissed off if he hadn't returned a nice set of undies I'd left with him.

Not sure why you're getting the vapours about the fact they were worn, after all it's your flange that was in them not his wife's.

Strange thread.

PerspicaciaTick · 31/01/2018 07:57

Why would he throw them away? They weren't his to decide to throw away, they are yours. It would be wrong for him to chuck them. He was doing a parcel with your books so he popped in the other stuff like anyone would.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 31/01/2018 07:59

One day Lovely, this will be nothing but a distant memory. Glad you got the books back.
Get yourself out there, and have a great time tonight !🌸

Proseccopanda · 31/01/2018 08:00

Why wouldn't he return them? If he was returning the books anyway, then he probably thought that he may as well return the undies etc. as well. Maybe he didn't want you to think that he'd kept them?

I can understand how it could rub salt in the wounds though, even if it perhaps wasn't a deliberate attempt to do that Thanks

JackieMac77 · 31/01/2018 08:01

I'd be more unhappy if he kept them. My pants are very personal items and the closest thing to my vagina: The only people who have a right to be that close are people I'm currently in an intimate relationship with. If they're nice pants, I'd wash them and put them back in my drawer. Not so nice and I'd chuck em or add to my period pant collection. He probably returned them so you'd know where they were. If he'd binned them, how would you actually know he hadn't kept them for his future entertainment/sold them on ebay/allowed them to fall into enemy hands?!

TheNaze73 · 31/01/2018 08:04

Sorry but, I think you’d have been deliberately trying to find fault in what ever course of action he’d taken. He’s moved on, dust yourself down & forget about it

Cubicfoot · 31/01/2018 08:25

Jesus, don’t read into it too much, he gave your stuff back.

Looneytune253 · 31/01/2018 08:26

I think you should possibly ask yourself what you would prefer he did with the items? Keep them (yuck)? Post them back? Or bin them? Seems like posting them back is the best option?

stickytoffeevodka · 31/01/2018 08:50

Surely posting your stuff back is the sensible thing to do?

Rainatnight · 31/01/2018 09:00

I get what you mean, OP. When my ex left me for someone else, he let himself into my flat (with my permission, I knew he was bringing stuff around) and just dumped all of my stuff from his flat in shopping bags, etc. It was a real mess.

The two things that bothered me where that, first, it was definitely over, and here were my tampons rolling all over the floor to prove it. And second that he didn't seem to give a shit about me and my stuff. Sad

parklives · 31/01/2018 09:01

I think he did the correct thing, I would be really weird to post the books back without the underwear.
Not sure why you expected him to keep the underwear, he's moving on, you should too.
The new gf wouldn't appreciate your underwear hanging around his place.
(Sorry to be so blunt, but I do think you need to wobble your head, again meant with kindness!)

Isetan · 31/01/2018 09:05

You’re way over thinking this, you broke up and you got your stuff back. Don’t leave dirty undies behind if you’re bothered by receiving them in the condition that they were left.

Break ups suck but if getting your stuff back has made you feel bad about yourself, then you need to be having a conversation with yourself rather than pointing the finger at him.

Peanutbuttercheese · 31/01/2018 09:08

He just sent stuff back, for whatever reason you want some deep psychological meaning.

MiddleClassProblem · 31/01/2018 09:14

I’m not sure why it’s better that he throws your stuff in the bin rather than sends it back. Surely the first is more cold?

It just sounds like you are struggling with the break up and this is another reminder that it’s over.

Why date people talking about a wife? Did I miss something?

Original poster
Leogrrl · 31/01/2018 10:07

Okay, thank you all for your comments, I’ll let this go now. I don’t know why people brought a wife into it, he is not married. Thanks again.

OP posts: