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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I thought he was going to kill me

28 replies

Fightingthrough · 30/01/2018 19:00

I dont know how to link the original thread on here.
On Saturday evening I had a disagreement that went out of hand that massively escalated resulting in him threatening to kill himself. He grabbed a kitchen knife from the kitchen, a large knife, and walked towards me with it and he was very distressed and agitated.

Today he asked me to give him some clothing he has here, he still has some things here, and I took a call from him. He is sorry for the intimidation but said that he just wanted me to stop..

I have been having flashbacks and I am struggling. I work full time and we are understaffed and there is no way I can take time off. I am in a daze as I know full well that he could have stabbed me with the knife but decided instead to walk off with it. He did throw it through the kitchen window, just missing me, before driving off in his car.

I was with him for just over two year.

I know I have too keep well away from him but he wants to meet up for final farewells. I am not going to.

He has thrown stuff at me before, slammed doors and been very cold when I didn't agree in the past, he was never in the wrong. He said to me during our conversation that he recorded our conversation on Saturday on his mobile, I am not sure but probably to play back to me to show me that I am a pschyco as he has said a few times to me in the past. And to prove to me how unreasonable I am. I don't know.

I feel intimidated. I miss the good kind loving guy he sometimes was and it's really tough feeling I have just kicked him out and he has no place go.

He has been outside my house, knocking on the window, talking through the window and asking me to talk to him. I am sat here and I know I should be calling the police but I don't want to make things worse.

OP posts:
StrongerThanIThought76 · 30/01/2018 19:03

Police. Now. Don't engage with him.

Soopermum1 · 30/01/2018 19:03

I'm so sorry OP. He is dangerous. You should call the police.

Bearsinmotion · 30/01/2018 19:05

Agree, you must call the police, however hard that seems Flowers

RaspberryCheese · 30/01/2018 19:05

DO NOT, i repeat, DO NOT open that door. If you must, simply tell him to go away and not come back or you will ring the police. If he persists, ring them. This situation is far too highly charged and dangerous for you to engage with this guy.

RickOShay · 30/01/2018 19:05

Is he there now?
it’s hard, but you need to stay safe, call the police.

BrandNewHouse · 30/01/2018 19:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Fightingthrough · 30/01/2018 20:35

Called the police as he wasn't leaving. He heard me speaking to them and left before they arrived. I am frightened as I know this isn't the end of it. The police were great and are going to speak to him. I was told what steps to take in case he contacted again. I am hoping he will leave me alone now

OP posts:
Onecutefox · 31/01/2018 00:11

Stay safe OP. Double check your locks and windows. Is there a way to move house? Please don't agree to meet him up for the last time as he could plan something. He behaves like a phycho.

GrockleBocs · 31/01/2018 00:16

Write 'Go away or I will ring 999' on pieces of paper, blu tac them to your windows and close the curtains. At the first sign of tapping, go upstairs or out of earshot and call them.

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 31/01/2018 00:32

Thinking of you Op...I posted on your last thread, and then lost you. Please keep updating on here, and keep trying Women's Aid. Every little thing he does. ..you must log it. And don't let him in.

LuckyBitches · 31/01/2018 10:56

He has called you a psycho because he is a psycho, classic projection.

Stay strong, OP.

hellsbellsmelons · 31/01/2018 13:10

Well done calling the police OP.
Just keep doing that.
You've basically been in an abusive relationship for 2 years.
Please contact Womens Aid.
They can help you with local support services.
Some counselling will help.
You also need to do the Womens Aid Freedom Programme.

QuiteLikely5 · 31/01/2018 13:14

Op

You have been very lucky. Please don’t chance your life on this loser ever again.

Press charges. Stay safe

TheSecondMrsAshwell · 31/01/2018 13:26

He said to me during our conversation that he recorded our conversation on Saturday on his mobile, I am not sure but probably to play back to me to show me that I am a pschyco as he has said a few times to me in the past.

I suspect that he's threatened that with a view to playing it to the police (and anyone who'll listen) to prove that you're a psycho. But, of course it will have taped BOTH sides of the conversation, so unless you threatened to murder him and boil his entire family and all his friends in oil, that's an empty threat. The police know what a psycho sounds like and, in this conversation, that won't be you.

Hissy · 31/01/2018 13:33

He said to me during our conversation that he recorded our conversation on Saturday

Oh THAT old chestnut... they say that, but it's a lie more times than it's not! ignore.

LineySt · 31/01/2018 13:40

Fucking hell. Well done for involving the police. They were very good when my ExH started doing this crap, too. They did persuade him to stop it by pointing out he was risking his job, livelihood, future ...

StormTreader · 31/01/2018 13:46

They ALWAYS say that theyve recorded it, that their mate/mum/neighbour spoke to them when you werent there and agrees with them, etc etc - its all to convince you that what you remember is not what happened. Say "great, lets play that recording to the police and see what they say!", he'll back down immediately.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 31/01/2018 13:56

HI OP. how are you today? Is he leaving you alone? Flowers

Jux · 31/01/2018 17:32

Well done, op. Calling the police is a big thing and it's understandable to be reluctant, but you pushed through the fear of escalation and did it. Very very well done.

Please remember that in fact, it helped. He left, they came, they were great. Hang on to that, just in case you need to call them again.

You are a strong woman. Star

bastardkitty · 31/01/2018 17:34

There is absolutely no point in hoping when dealing with someone like this. He really might kill you if you see him. Please call the police.

CaMePlaitPas · 31/01/2018 17:41

Oh my. Every time he contacts you you must contact the police. This man is unpredictable and dangerous and you are at risk. Could you stay elsewhere for a while? Could you move? As someone else said, you must keep everything locked whilst you are in your house. I don't want to scare you but this isn't a normal situation to be in. This man isn't loving or kind, you must forget about what he "was" and concentrate on who he is now, which is a person who believes it's OK to wave a knife at someone. I would also hide your knives.

Iooselipssinkships · 31/01/2018 18:28

Hope you're safe and as well as can be OP.

picklemepopcorn · 31/01/2018 19:06

He'll try and persuade you that you're overreacting, and you will want to believe him because that will make you feel better. P,ease don't. Please don't underestimate how dangerous he is.

PutUpWithRain · 01/02/2018 00:48

Jesus Christ, OP, this sounds exactly like my ex. The title of this made me burst into tears because I remember the night I thought the very same thing. Phone the Police every single time he turns up. Because no one deserves to live with that thought in their head. If he turns up again, call them.

I know it varies, but my local force were wonderful. ExP was arrested at about 3 in the morning. I'd had a call from the local DV charity within six hours, offering me support, refuge, counselling, practical advice, and a panic button. ExP was charged, given bail conditions to not contact or come within 200m of me & DC. I know you don't want to escalate it, in case it makes him worse. But please don't be too scared of making things worse - there is help out there that can make this stop.

Original poster
Fightingthrough · 05/02/2018 09:38

I just want to say thankful everyone here. Thank you for your advice.

I am off work now and been signed off. I am facing disiplanary action at work due to data breach I made and I don't know what my options really are. I have been reflecting and my whole relationship was riddled with abuse. I don't even know how I managed at work, so many times I fell apart at work I have lost count. I have held my hands up regarding my error, and I am hoping that what I have endured at home will be considered, but I also know that you leave your home life should stay at home and all that. I am scared I will loose this amazing post I am in and that I will get fired.
My work coleuges have been amazing though trying to reassure me that all will be ok. I am still getting flashbacks from Saturday night and I hardly go out.
His things are gone now and I am slowly making it my home again.

Again, thank you all for being so great.

OP posts: