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Original poster

Do you think this guy sounds interested or not?

41 replies

InterestedOrNot · 28/01/2018 19:16

I met someone at the gym about a year ago and we get on well in classes. He friend requested me on FB and we have a bit of a chat, etc.

I know he’s single and has been single for ages.

He messaged me a bit out the blue the other day saying he thought I was looking in good shape. We met up for a run before a class today and he said he’d heard I’d split up with my husband and asked me if I was seeing anyone else. To which I said I wasn’t but that husband was being very awkward with the break up and won’t leave the house so it’s all a mess. He said he’d heard from someone else that husband was a total git to me. He said he’d been talking to someone/asking someone about me and my marriage. Then he kind of changed the subject. Then later on he said he thinks I’m lovely. Then we were just talking about gym stuff. I said bye at the end of the class and left

I messaged him later on saying sorry for being slow and he just messaged back and said I wasn’t slow (I was). Just seems that sometimes he says stuff and I think he’s interested but he doesn’t follow it through.

Blimey I sound about 11yo don’t I? Am clueless about men after twenty years of marriage. Sorry.

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Thingsdogetbetter · 28/01/2018 19:23

Sounds like he's very interested, but is now aware that you are still sharing the house with ex so is stepping back. You're in a shit situation at the moment and that would be a huge thing to get involved in at the moment. If he's still single when you are finally free and properly single then ramp up the flirting. But only if you are ready for a new relationship. Right person, wrong time usually emds up a disaster.

Original poster
InterestedOrNot · 28/01/2018 19:28

Well think me and dh May end up staying under same roof until dd finishes sixth form next year. So if this bloke doesn’t want to get involved due to house situation then I guess that’s that which is a shame.

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Doublevodka · 28/01/2018 19:32

He sounds like he is definitely interested but maybe being cautious due to your situation.

Original poster
InterestedOrNot · 28/01/2018 19:34

I guess that’s understandable. I’d probably run a mile of a bloke told me the same.

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SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 28/01/2018 19:49

Interested yes. And i think it may be one indication that he's a decent guy for not wanting to get involved in a complicated situation.Don't fall into the trap of thinking he would be more up for a date if he was interested. IME the type of bloke who often would do this is someone who is willing to take advantage of someone in a vulnerable situation.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 28/01/2018 19:51

He's definitely interested, but doesn't want to step into the proverbial hornets nest. Time will tell, only a fool rushes in, so give him chance !

Original poster
InterestedOrNot · 28/01/2018 20:13

He does seem like a genuinely nice guy, like seems concerned about me. But I guess I am quite vulnerable at the minute. But just feel like I want a massive hug from him and for him to tell me it’s going to be ok.

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Original poster
InterestedOrNot · 28/01/2018 20:14

I’m not sure whether to message him and ask him if he wants to go out for a drink.

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SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 28/01/2018 20:26

IMO I wouldn't do that....have you got a female friend who can be supportive? He may well still be around when things are a bit more sorted for you. I think when things are a bit shit, its easier to think you are in love with someone when you may not be (in my experience).

Original poster
InterestedOrNot · 28/01/2018 20:50

You’re probably right that it’s not the best idea. No close friends really that I’d trust not to gossip and don’t want stuff getting round the village.

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MilliePe · 28/01/2018 21:08

Hm he sounds quite nosy - that's my
Initial impression! Does he have any connection to your ex and his friends I wonder? I just remember with my sisters ex, being a small area, I was often asked seemingly innocent questions which were quite clearly on behalf of the ex in hindsight! If not, then he probably is just interested in getting to know you and your situation. And if this is the case then yes, I would say he is interested but playing it a little cool to gauge your feelings and your current situation :) so opening a conversation that MAY lead you to asking for a drink would be fine .. and a few messages in you will probably know a little more where you stand, leaving you in a less vulnerable position! Good luck! X

GreyGardens88 · 28/01/2018 21:10

This is cute

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 28/01/2018 21:29

Just playing devils advocate here...but you'd trust him not to? Would that be realistic? Just looking back on a few mistakes when I was separated from XDH, and desperately sad... I would hold off a while, if you can, tempting though it is.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 28/01/2018 21:30

Explaining what I mean more clearly...is it realistic to trust him more than female friends, is what I should have said.

Original poster
InterestedOrNot · 28/01/2018 21:31

So what sort of conversation would I open up to see if he would ask me out for a drink? I literally have no idea other than me blatantly ask him out!

I don’t get the impression he’s been nosy, he doesn’t know husband, he vaguely knows a few people I know but only to say hi to at the gym. We don’t have mutual friends. He’s not from my immediate area/village, lives about ten miles away......although we did actually go to school together but neither of us remember each other from school (different year). I don’t keep in touch with anyone from school.

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donners312 · 28/01/2018 21:33

Fancies you. But bide your time.

Exciting!

Original poster
InterestedOrNot · 28/01/2018 21:33

I get what you’re saying but don’t think he’d gossip, he doesn’t seem the sort but I could be wrong. But literally the only people he could gossip to about me are three women in my village who I know he knows from the gym. But he doesn’t hang out with them. Though I don’t know who told him my husband was a git to me and that’s playing on my mind a bit. I had one suspect in mind and messaged her but she says she hasn’t seen him in ages.

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Original poster
InterestedOrNot · 28/01/2018 21:36

I’m not sure whether to message him now and ask who had been talking about me to him. I’m trying to remember what he said and am struggling with the details....something like “your husband was awful to you wasn’t he. I think I looked a bit surprised and he said something like “I was talking to someone who knows you who was telling me”.

But not sure it’s fair to put him on the spot by asking incase he’s worried about naming them incase I’m cross with them......which I’m not. But I just can’t think who he’s been talking to who would know that.

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Original poster
InterestedOrNot · 28/01/2018 21:44

Hmmm, have had an idea who might have been talking to him and have messaged them. I want to know what he was asking.

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StressedtoHellandBack · 28/01/2018 21:44

Is there any way you can stay somewhere else either on your own or with your DC like parents' house or sibling's house while still keeping an eye on the house and DC if they decide to remain in the family home? If he sees you are committed to the separation it may mean more to him. I would not want to be involved with someone who still lives with stbex.
He may have his own hurt in the past and be wary

Original poster
InterestedOrNot · 28/01/2018 21:51

I’ve got no family and am struggling to see that I could afford to live on my own at the minute. I think things would be better in 18 months once last dc left home to go to uni. I’ve just started a new job and am on a bit of a low starting wage but get a decent rise in 12months so that might be possible. I wouldn’t even be able to get a mortgage I don’t think at the minute as not been with employer for six months.

Am clearing £1500 a month but need £300 for commuting. Have got equity in this house of about 150k which would be split if/when House was sold. And I could move to a cheaper town nearer work and buy a small house outright for 110k so if I got 75k from a house sale it would mean only a small mortgage. But what do I do until the hose sells? Also I don’t want to leave the area to be nearer work until dc finished sixth form which is why I have this 18 month plan.

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MilliePe · 28/01/2018 21:52

Sounds like he doesn't have ANY motive to be nosy then! May just be his way of establishing you are single and totally done with your ex! Asking who told him hmm could look like you're SO bothered and you don't sound like you are so much. Have you ever asked if he is single? I assume you know he is but has to ever been said? That's a question that could lead to him knowing you're interested and him asking you out. Or asking what he does with himself at weekends as a single guy! If he says he has free time then perfecto! But if you feel you've had enough conversation to ask him out then go for it :)

Original poster
InterestedOrNot · 28/01/2018 22:00

I asked him the other Friday evening what he was up to that night and he said going home as he was skint! Which kind of put me off hinting about going out for a drink. Maybe he’s not interested.

He has told me he was single, ages ago, was moaning about his lack,of luck with the opposite sex. A group of us went out for drinks and one of the others in the group asked him what his perfect woman was and he described someone the polar opposite of me! I’m probably reading too much into it.

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MilliePe · 28/01/2018 22:17

Oh no. I'm not sure you're reading too much into it! If he said it ages ago then perhaps you could be like are you still out of luck with the ladies, what's the latest!? Something like that maybe!! And his response could be a catalyst (if single!) for you to be in the same boat and suggest male/female company in a laid back manner. And let's face it, we're all skint in January!

Original poster
InterestedOrNot · 28/01/2018 22:24

Yeah I know there was a specific person he was keen on but I know she wasn’t keen back. He knows that I knew he liked her because he told me but doesn’t know I know she wasn’t interested. So I could ask how things are going with her?

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