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Original poster

He said I was nagging him on Friday night

37 replies

agacia · 27/01/2018 19:17

Hi,

My boyfriend and myself had some difficulties in communication last month and we had a very good clear conversation 1 week ago when we met face to face. I lack his compassion and empathy during 9 month long relationship but though we can work around it and do some work to fix it.
We don't speak every day and we are 100miles away. It means we see each other some weekend. I have 2 kids

OP posts:
Dozer · 27/01/2018 19:18

Sounds like he was busy and you pestered and irritated him.

chestylarue52 · 27/01/2018 19:26

Sounds like you were nagging him.

Your being lonely isn’t his alone to fix.

Original poster
agacia · 27/01/2018 19:32

I have never done it when I did know he was busy. But without any sign - I would suppose we should be able to send at least a text if someone is chasing us - 1. I did not know why he was not responding and my thoughts were everywhere 2. I did not get a reassured text I was expecting from someone I rely on Confused

OP posts:
fc301 · 27/01/2018 19:36

I don't agree with PP. He doesn't sound like he cares about you.

gamerchick · 27/01/2018 19:41

I don't think he's as into you as you are him. At this stage of the relationship I would expect not to be ignored.

If you are needy for him this early on then it's just going to get worse because he's not going to give you what you need.

TopOfTheCliff · 27/01/2018 19:43

If you are feeling lonely and want a chat you would hope your boyfriend would be the person you could expect to chat to. He doesnt sound as though he wants a close relationship with you. Is he worth it?

TangledSlinky · 27/01/2018 19:44

In honesty I think I'd be a bit Hmm if I got a text saying I hope you're not feeling lonely, and possibly wouldn't reply if I were otherwise engaged at the time. Also find the term "trigger a conversation" a little odd, like you're trying to force it rather than it coming naturally. That said it sounds like you're on different pages so I don't think you'd be unreasonable to call it a day.

Pessismistic · 27/01/2018 19:45

Even if he was busy surely a quick reply wouldn't have been a big deal to tell you that he was bys instead of ignoring you but you were definitely not nagging you were reaching out to him 1 reply and a bit of respect not much to ask for X

Original poster
agacia · 27/01/2018 19:52

I had a lovely time with him and I am always 100% into something I believe in... Shall I ignore the signals like this? Is he capable of taking care of anyone? He said to me last week its more important to him to take of his needs than somebody's else needs. Who of you think it is wise and reasonable
??

OP posts:
gamerchick · 27/01/2018 19:54

So he’s told you he’s a selfish twat then?

Come on OP, is this what you want from a relationship?

MadMags · 27/01/2018 19:56

He’s not that into you.

Dozer · 27/01/2018 20:00

What he told you was clear: his priority is him.

If you get lonely and want immediate responses/ conversation, then a long distance relationship with someone who doesn’t wish to respond immediately when you seek attention probably isn’t a good choice.

Bluntness100 · 27/01/2018 20:00

You sound a bit clingy to me. Nothing will turn a partner off faster, Male or female. Why didn't you just text saying "what you up to, fancy a Chat"instead of all that lonely bullshit.

Original poster
agacia · 27/01/2018 20:01

He said sorry and admitted he made a mistake this afternoon on the phone. He explained to me he made some arrangements cos I was not available (which meant I had children around). There is also my birthday on Monday. Last week he suggested we would come over On Sunday but in the meantime he assumed I did not want to see him staying overnight before we resolve other issues... He did not ask though and took that as a fact! It is so complicated... we have issues and I see no end of it just new things coming like that Sad
Now he said if I change my mind and want to see him I would need to give him a call tomorrow evening cos he is away till tomorrow...Halo

OP posts:
TheVanguardSix · 27/01/2018 20:02

That is the behaviour of a guy who's just really not in it to win it, OP.
Switching off the phone is lame and a clear message.
I'd never respond in such a way, even if DH were being a bit 'needy'.

He could easily have texted you to let you know he loves you but he's just in the middle of a busy evening with his son.
Your gut is telling you something. Listen!
When you love someone, you reassure them. He could have taken a couple of minutes to do that on the night, not the next day (with those whatsapp messages being marked 'read').

DontDIY · 27/01/2018 20:04

You’re not compatible. And I’d find your texts very off putting. You need more than he wants to give.

TheVanguardSix · 27/01/2018 20:04

Sorry. I posted before your last update... but still. I hope you work it all out.

demirose87 · 27/01/2018 20:04

He sounds like he doesn't really want to be with you or would just like a casual relationship. A good attentive partner wouldn't be saying stuff like that to you and he shouldn't be pushed to keep in touch.
He should want to do this. I would let him go OP, sorry.

Original poster
agacia · 27/01/2018 20:05

Gosh gosh... Need to behave like a grown up and focus on my children rather than other selfish people who maybe talk the talk but dont walk the walk... The recent behaviour is 2x worse

OP posts:
PawsyMcPawFace · 27/01/2018 20:12

You seem to want him to look after you OP. In all honesty - you should think about whether that is what you want out of a relationship and if you do, then i think that's unfair on most partners. I would find it deeply unsettling but then my STBXH was very needy. Bluergh.

Original poster
agacia · 27/01/2018 20:18

I am not needy. I accept his independence and his busy lifestyle and no near future plans regarding moving in or even next door. I can live with that if he treats me right. But only IF.

OP posts:
Original poster
agacia · 27/01/2018 20:21

I have no family or even no friends nearby cos I have lost my job and needed to relocate. He could not help me to find a job in the previous area where he had lots of connections. None of his contacts contacted me after I have sent them my CV and a letter, even after the follow-ups. I met him actually during a job interview and it lead us to be together...

OP posts:
ferando81 · 27/01/2018 20:23

Plenty of people nag -that wasn't nagging.Maybe he had company?

Cricrichan · 27/01/2018 20:25

You texted him and he didn't reply. He was obviously busy or didn't fancy chatting that's why he didn't get back to you. I'd be annoyed at the pestering messages too. If I don't answer is because I can't or don't want to.

Original poster
agacia · 27/01/2018 20:26

I feel like i did grow a lot though during my not the luckiest year...Smile

OP posts:
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