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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would like to get this off my chest

48 replies

Terabithia · 27/01/2018 15:48

Hello everyone, I feel like typing this out might help me to sort out my head!

Last night I went to a party, it was held at the same venue where I got married last September. It was a very surreal evening.

Firstly, a girl I barely know asked me to give her a lift - I didn't feel I could say 'no', so I picked her up and she promptly asked me to drive her to the town a couple of miles away to use a cashpoint. When we got to the party, she was very overfamiliar with me and so clingy. Today she keeps messaging me.

Secondly, a man I've met a couple of times before (I'll call him 'C' - he's single) was at the party too. There is a definite 'spark' between us, which was still evident last night - but I'm newly married, love my husband and don't want to do anything to jeopardise my marriage.

I was sitting talking to him, when a woman I later found out works as a professional Medium came over to us and said we were a lovely couple, and she could feel we were connected and 'soulmates'. We told her we weren't a couple, and that I was married - and she looked devastated. She said we were meant to be together and that at some point we would be, but that we should be careful. She was talking for ages along those lines. I'm a sceptic when it comes to Mediums - but either through genuine intuition or very good guesswork she came very close to the mark on many things I'd been thinking.

After the party, C left at the same time as I did and we found somewhere quiet to talk. I was very clear that although I was attracted to him, I wouldn't do anything to jeopardise my marriage. We had a hug - perhaps a little too long - and then a peck on the cheek, and went our separate ways.

This morning I found a picture he'd taken of us both last night, and I can't stop looking at it. I feel sad, happy, guilty, excited, upset... all at the same time and don't know what to do. :(

OP posts:
Isadora2007 · 27/01/2018 15:51

You do know what to do.
Stay away from C.

He probably paid the “medium” to come over.

And wtf was the other girl you have a lift to even mentioned for?

You’ve been married for 5 minutes FFS.

Terabithia · 27/01/2018 15:52

Thanks for your sympathy and understanding, Isadora2007.

OP posts:
CollyWombles · 27/01/2018 15:54

You get a grip! You don't need sympathy and understanding, you need a wake up call.

The medium was full of shit. If there was such a thing as a medium, she would have known you two were not together.

You are married, newly too. Stay away from this man, it really is as simple as that.

How old are you OP? With all due respect, you sound very young.

AWaspOnAWindowInAHeatwave · 27/01/2018 15:55

Sorry @Terabithia I'm with @Isadora2007 on this one, as unsympathetic as it may sound!

Terabithia · 27/01/2018 15:56

I'm 45. Although I've only been married a few months, I've been with my partner for 11 years.

OP posts:
Wow1234 · 27/01/2018 15:57

I think you need to consider how you would feel if you found out your husband had been having those conversations with another women. It would really hurt. I know you haven't done anything 'wrong' but you shouldn't have even had the conversation. End of. It's not fair and it's not nice.

It's done now but you need to cut all
Contact and stop engaging in any discussions like that. It's breaking your husbands trust.

Or you need to decide your marriage is not what you want.

Terabithia · 27/01/2018 15:58

Thank you all, you are right and hearing it from you has given me some perspective, I appreciate it.

OP posts:
Spartaca · 27/01/2018 15:59

Can't be all that great a medium if she thought you were a couple eh. Sounds like you want to believe her.

Ellisandra · 27/01/2018 16:00

Two people sitting around making cow eyes at each other?
How on earth did the medium guess you were together?!!!
And then - fuck me she's good - when she was told she was wrong (but you know, lets gloss over that whilst we marvel at her skills) how on earth did she work out that same moony couple wanted to fuck?
She is AMAZING

Right, first - imagine your husband of less than 6 months reading this. Feel like shit? Nothing compared to him.

Second - you can't divorce, you have to wait a year. But - you can admit that you married him in error, and separate now ready to divorce next September.

Poor bloke. But - he's not the right husband for you, and you should follow your heart, Hun.

Just - split up with your husband first, yeah?

Oh and you sooooooo need to invite the medium to your next wedding! Honoured guest - and your entertainment covered too - winner!

Don't worry about sending her the invitation though. She'll know Wink

Ellisandra · 27/01/2018 16:01

You're 45?
Shock

For a 45 to take 11 years to get married... Raises my eyebrow. Was it a bit of a band aid marriage when you should have been calling it a day?

Lifeisabeach09 · 27/01/2018 16:01

I don't see the point of mentioning the 'overfamiliar' girl. Completely threw me off.
As for C, stay away if you want to stay married. Sounds like a crush.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 27/01/2018 16:01

I'm curious as to the pic you found. Were you trawling his facebook?

princesssparkle1 · 27/01/2018 16:02

Get rid of C from your life. He paid the 'medium' to say all that crap, I feel sure.

Please try to grow up.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 27/01/2018 16:02

Did you marry your husband to patch up problems in the relationship?

And what had the girl got to do with anything? Was she a separate problem?

Ellisandra · 27/01/2018 16:04

Oh and way to go telling C you were attracted to him Hmm
Would have been better to laugh and say "what a load of old bollocks - how thick are people who believe the trash 'mediums' peddle?"
Nothing like fanning the flames, telling him you like him.

ptumbi · 27/01/2018 16:08

I was waiting for the 'girl' to crop up with a blackmailing letter, or photo or the two of you that she could show your husband.... but then, I've been on here too long.

If you are horrified by this thought though, op, get out now.

Paperdoll16 · 27/01/2018 16:12

The girl was a private investigator of the new husband.

Dozer · 27/01/2018 16:14

Two people flirting: easy pickings for a “medium” drama llama.

11 years should be long enough to know whether or not you want to be with your DH. If you do, don’t flirt and have inappropriate conversations with other men, it’s not hard unless you’re flawed in the fidelity department.

GinIsIn · 27/01/2018 16:26

You think you need to be a medium to pick up on 2 people gazing longingly at each other? Hmm were you born yesterday?

Allaboutthatcake · 27/01/2018 16:29
Grin
BifsWif · 27/01/2018 16:33

The medium was right.

You should definitely start an affair with C or leave your husband for him straight away. Hmm

You are on thin ice here. Think very carefully about your next step. Are you happy with your husband generally? If not you need to address that before even looking at anyone else.

Bluntness100 · 27/01/2018 16:37

You were sitting flirting together, of course the medium thought you were a couple.dont be daft and stop trying to believe it

And yes, I'm surprised you're 45.id have assumed love struck teenager.

Grow up.have an affair if you want to. But Stop romantiscing this as some form of serendipity.

TheBrilliantMistake · 27/01/2018 16:48

The medium is a fraud. They all are.
It hardly takes a genius to see two young people enjoying each other's company to assume they are 'meant to be together'. She misjudged you both and assumed you were a couple, then felt stupid she'd got the assumption wrong, so continued with her future predicting bullshit.

If you're 12 months into a marriage and this is happening already, you are heading for trouble. You will face a lot of temptation, as will your husband, but most of the time, you will know it for what it is, avoid it, and get on with being happy. If you can't learn those skills quickly, you won't have a marriage left.

I genuinely don't want to be rude, but if you'll fall for a medium's rubbish, you'll fall for a lot of nonsense in life.

TheBrilliantMistake · 27/01/2018 16:50

I just made the same mistake at the medium. I assumed you were much younger!
45? Dear me.

YearOfYouRemember · 27/01/2018 16:53

Are you quite all right, OP?