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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I’m a selfish husband

59 replies

Selfishhusband7118 · 25/01/2018 22:22

I have let down my wife numerous times now by only thinking of myself and it’s come to head that she wants nothing to do with me and a divorce. I truly love my wife but do not realise how selfish I am being towards her. She does a lot for me and I should be doing the same back. How can I win my wife back?

OP posts:

GuntyMcGee · 25/01/2018 22:25

Hate to say it OP, but you probably can't win her back. If you've let her down numerous times then it's likely that you've had an array of chances to make things right and haven't.

I can't see anyone making the decision to divorce lightly, so perhaps it's time to self-evaluate and understand the impact your behaviour has had on someone who quite probably deserves better.

Learn from this and change, but allow your wife to move on and be happy.

CremeFresh · 25/01/2018 22:28

How have you let her down ?

AmberTopaz · 25/01/2018 22:29

Oh OP. I doubt this is the very first time your wife has told you you’re behaving selfishly. Why didn’t you do something about it earlier? There’s probably not much you can do now, let her go and find happiness.

SandyY2K · 25/01/2018 22:29

A classic case of not realising you have a good person in your life.

I don't know what you've been selfish about, but have you even apologised?

How long have you been so selfish and why? Examine why and dig deep to understand what makes you this way .Therapy is a good start...but she might have had enough and it's too late.

Did you think she'd never have the guts to leave you and you could continue behaving as you were?

Blackteadrinker77 · 25/01/2018 22:34

Why are you selfish?

In what ways?

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 25/01/2018 22:36

If selfish is your default setting you could promise the world but after a while you will go back to your usual selfish self. Your wife obviously realises this and no longer gives a shit. It has probably taken years of your shite to get to this stage.
Good for her, she is free to find someone who treats her like a queen, and that certainly ain't you.

Original poster

Selfishhusband7118 · 25/01/2018 22:43

Thank you for some of the replies. I am not an awful person and do love my wife. I do a lot for her but have let her down today. I think it is a culmination of a few things over the weeks that have built up to a head. I have apologised many times and want to make it up to her. But whatever I say it isn’t changing her mind. Selfish is not my default mode at all. I work very hard to provide for my family and we never go short. I have given up a lot of things so that we are comfortable.

OP posts:

TellsEveryoneRealFacts · 25/01/2018 22:45

like what? it is hard to advise with no detail.

Wolfiefan · 25/01/2018 22:45

Very few people get divorced over things that happen over a few weeks.
And money isn't everything.

CremeFresh · 25/01/2018 22:45

But how exactly, have you let her down ?

Omgineedanamechange · 25/01/2018 22:45

I know where this is going.

leftwiththedognow · 25/01/2018 22:48

There's selfish as in mowing the lawn and leaving the rest of the household crap to your wife. Then there's selfish to the point where you are a cheat and she's finally had enough.
What it is it about vague posters tonight? Want advice? Say what has actually happened!
And dont say you work hard and provide for your family. Thats what you are supposed to do. Dont expect a round of applause.

Angryangryyoungwoman · 25/01/2018 22:54

Are you going to give specifics?

Greatestshow · 25/01/2018 22:56

What happened today then?

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 25/01/2018 22:57

Title of this thread and in your post you say you are selfish so yes, selfish IS your default attitude to your wife! You've given up a lot for your family?? So what!!!! That's what WE ALL do for our family! I would put money on your wife giving up a hell of a lot more but for some reason she is supposed to be grateful that you work.
Fyi, thoughts of divorce don't build up over a few weeks, it takes a lot longer and a lot of crap for most women to walk away.
You say you love her, but your version of love isn't good enough anymore. Good luck to her.

Offred · 25/01/2018 23:06

If you have let her down numerous times, spent all of the periods after each time apologising only to let her down again as infinitum and she is now saying she wants a divorce then I doubt there is anything you can say or do that will changer her mind.

The time for doing things was when you said you were sorry after the first few let downs...

Now she can’t trust you and she will be worn down with having experienced a load of empty apologies followed by repeating the same crap mistakes.

It is however really silly just be so vague. If you are wanting advice re what you need to do to be more reliable and trustworthy and less selfish you need to say how you have let her down.

forumdonkey · 25/01/2018 23:13

. I have apologised many times words are cheap and mean nothing. What are you actually doing to show her you mean what you say?

CremeFresh · 25/01/2018 23:13

If this thread is a snapshot of how you communicate with your wife, I'm not surprised she's had enough !

AnyFucker · 25/01/2018 23:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

forumdonkey · 25/01/2018 23:19

MNHQ please can we have a like button? Anyfucker pmsl 😂👍

maybaby17 · 25/01/2018 23:22

Apologising means it's too late. The word loses all meaning when it's said to death.

When you drop and smash a plate you can glue it back together but the cracks will still show. It will never be the same again.

If you think you can save your marriage then go above and beyond to spoil her, treat her like a queen and change. Listen to her

Shoxfordian · 25/01/2018 23:26

She's probably right tbf

SandyY2K · 25/01/2018 23:27

Telling the OP to f off and insulting him is hardly constructive or helpful.

AnyFucker · 25/01/2018 23:27

So ?

MsGameandWatching · 25/01/2018 23:30

Is she on MN by any chance?

It's too late. You've behaved like a pig for ages and now she's finally had enough, it's all "boo hoo hoo, how can I force my wife to stay with me, I'm sorreeeeeeee!" It's over. Try and behave better over the split than you did while together.

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