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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he being sincere?

37 replies

kcm17 · 24/01/2018 11:04

I reconnected with an old flame after breaking up with my sons dad. we even met up and he told me he was single but living with his children’s Mum and would be moving out shortly.
He has a son and a set of twin girls the same age as my son (4’). His son is a teenager and from a previous relationship but lives with him.

We ended up falling in love and he declared it first. We talked on the phone all the time and he even helped me with my business. He became distant at one point and that’s when I realised he was not as single as he claimed . He explained he had never met anyone like me and it’s the finances and the kids that he will be upsetting if he left with his son who only knows this woman as a Mum etc. he knows he has to leave but does not know when.

He said no one has ever been there for him like me and his never been in this situation before. He doesn’t want me to say wait but this is his truth and he does want to be with me.

I saw a psychic who said that there is nothing going on between him and the woman he lives with just co parenting. I really love this man and don’t know what to do.

I would like to hear some opinions or experiences. I’m not waiting for him to leave so we have stopped contact but is he worth the wait or an old wives tale?

OP posts:
Caprinihahahaha · 24/01/2018 11:05

He’s totally stringing you along

Your psychic is an idiot

Knittedfairies · 24/01/2018 11:06

Run away.

pinkyredrose · 24/01/2018 11:08

If he wanted to leave he would have.

SleepFreeZone · 24/01/2018 11:09

Why the hell would you believe a total stranger who has no ability to perceive the situation accurately, when you could approach his actual partner and find out the truth. It’s obvious that he is having an affair with you and has no intention whatsoever to leave his partner to be with you. It’s the oldest cliche in the book.

Notasperfectasallothermners · 24/01/2018 11:10

Suggest you meet her and see his reaction.

Sarahjconnor · 24/01/2018 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 24/01/2018 11:49

Not worth the wait, just trying his luck. Block!

SandyY2K · 24/01/2018 11:57

I reckon you're in for a lot of heartache. If they are in hoyse separated...he should have no issue telling her about you.

He won't though

TheThird · 24/01/2018 12:18

Why not talk to him about your concerns, lay it all out on the table?

hellsbellsmelons · 24/01/2018 12:23

He's having his cake and eating it, basically.
Ditch the psychic, it's all a load of bollox.

If you really want to see if it's for real, tell him you want to talk to his wife and find out if this situation is really as he paints it.
His reaction will tell you all you need to know!

Chippyway · 24/01/2018 12:25

I once saw a psychic who said stuff that nobody could ever just guess. She also had me turn around so she couldn’t read my expressions. I never said a word. I also wasn’t on social media then so it’s not as if she could search me and gather info. There are many scammers out there but I guess until something is said that only you know can’t be guessed people should perhaps be a bit open minded.

However saying that, you CANNOT live your life going off what a psychic says. No way.

Either suggest to meet the wife or tell him you’re leaving but should he become actually single and separated in the near future then to contact you but by no means put your life on hold for what the psychic said

SandyY2K · 24/01/2018 12:57

As for the psychic? Nonsense.

Sarahjconnor · 24/01/2018 13:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kcm17 · 24/01/2018 13:55

Just to add...

His not married but has a mortgage with her. This man has broken down to me and said she doesn’t see his son as her own because she doesn’t help him out with him. He just needs time as his stuck in a rut.

OP posts:
Delphi2022 · 24/01/2018 14:06

Hi OP,

I can see how difficult this is for you BUT, he was not upfront with you!

I've been in this sort of situation before and ended up getting my heart broken. Looking back on my own situation, I realised he misled me as I think this guy is doing with you. If he had come back into your life and said ......, then I would see things differently but he didn't.

It is how easy they lie, these are the flags you need to look out for. If he can mislead you like this, this shows you that he does not have any real integrity!

Be careful and like others have said, tell him you want to speak to his wife and gauge his reaction.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 24/01/2018 18:15

Oh god really op? Are you that blinkered?

LemonysSnicket · 24/01/2018 18:59

Psychics tell you what you want to hear because you’ll then go back..

littletinyme1 · 25/01/2018 02:56

Ahhhhh. Poor little him...so sad. Just as well he has you to turn to! Fairy tales can come true, but i don't think this will. Sorry, he is stringing you along.

ThirdTimeUnlucky · 25/01/2018 07:40

I've been in this situation, with a married man. Said exactly the same things. I don't doubt that he is telling the truth but it is cowardly, he is stringing his finance and you along. The longer you stay in contact with him the harder you will be hurt. My MM used to say it was his 'intention' to leave and also it wasn't his 'intention' to hurt me. Please save yourself heartache and move on.

kcm17 · 25/01/2018 18:27

Since I found he is with his children’s Mum, we broke contact because I couldn’t wait for him even though he needed more time. What I don’t understand is that he asked me what I would say if he asked to marry me and had me text him my ring size . This made me feel he was being genuine as he has never been married before

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 25/01/2018 18:44

Oh come on love - what kind of a desperate mess has the situation left you in that you're asking a 'psychic'? Hmm

Get hold of yourself.

You did a great thing telling him you couldn't have contact with him.

He's an arsehole.
He cheated on her.
He lied to you.

Who gives a fuck if he strings you along with your ring size questions? Who'd be desperate to marry someone who had already treated them like shit?

Give your head a wobble.

ferando81 · 25/01/2018 19:45

"He declared it first"-so what.He lied to you from the start .

HungerOfThePine · 25/01/2018 23:52

I think you really want it to be true op but the fact is he won't leave her, he's probably love bombed you and mentioning marriage and asking your ring finger size is a big clue.

Sure he might have feelings for you or having delusions of greener grass but the fact is he is having his cake and eating it.

You are worth more than that.

Grunkle · 25/01/2018 23:55

He asked you your ring size... so you think he's going to marry you?

Come on op. You sound like SUCH a mug. Find some self respect. You're better than this kind of absolute foolishness, surely??

Tumbleweeds24 · 26/01/2018 00:24

If he was serious about you and being honest about his relationship being dead in the water then he would leave. I'm talking from experience.

He wants to have his cake and eat it.

Bin him off, tell him to come and find you when he's single and don't allow him to keep having it both ways in the meantime.

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