His female best friend...

[meowimacat]

My new man has a female best friend - they speak every day, live a few doors away from each other, see each other at least two evenings a week - which at the moment is the same or sometimes more than I see him. For example many times after we've been on a date he tells me he's going over to hers for food/drink/tv after.

He has mentioned her pretty much every time I see him. I don't even know if she knows about me yet. She is divorced, and older than him, but he did mention he used to be into older women - so that's not helped my insecurity.

I do trust him and I believe he really really likes me and wouldn't do anything to sabotage that. I also trust that he will be honest with me if I asked him if anything has ever gone on with her, he's a very upfront person. I haven't yet asked if anything has ever happened, but I'm going to have to build up the courage to. My gut is telling me that something probably has, but maybe years ago. I'm also wondering why a woman 12+ years older than him would spend so much time with him if she didn't want something more.

They are currently out for dinner tonight, and again the rational side of my brain knows that if they were that compatible then they would be a couple, not me and him.

However, the crazy annoying insecure side of my brain is going into over drive.

Would you be okay with your boyfriend/husband being in a friendship like this?
If he has had sex with her in the past, I do believe that I will never feel comfortable with their friendship no matter how long ago it was. I would never ask him not to be friends with her, but I would probably (very sadly) end our relationship.

I guess I just don't want to waste my time for years to only deal with these problems later on. Just wanting to see how others would feel. I've been in lots of relationships with guys who have girls who are friends, but this seems to be on a different level to what I'm used to.

[Korez]

Deal* ffs

[kennypppppppp]

I was in a relationship like this. It lasted three months. Grilled my cheese massively, the whole thing and it was driving me insane worrying about what might be happening.

To be brutal, yes he's with you but what's not to say he's also with her and they're having their cake and making a trifle out of the leftovers, so to speak. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[meowimacat]

Yes that's what I feel, like she gets to have him as her part time boyfriend.

To be honest, I will just have to see if I feel better after I get a response for him (I have text about it.) It's so early that I'd rather get out now, even though I feel so strongly for him, then get a year down the line and feel like a third wheel all the time.

[Faking]

I hope it went okay!

[TheStoic]

I would be so BORED with this situation. Not sure how old you are, but I’m way too old to spend any time at all wondering about someone else in a new guy’s life. It’d be a NEXT from me.

[MumJ21]

My best friend a few years ago was a male, he had a girlfriend at the time and she really disliked me and our friendship. We went out for food/drinks/nights out but nothing ever went over the friendship boundary. I did not in the slightest find him attractive. When I met my DH he did not have any issues with me seeing my male friend as he knows we have been friends since I was 16 and knows nothing has ever happened between us. When my relation with DH for more serious I saw less and less of my male friend and now we still keep in contact but only the occasional “how are you and the family” text. You don’t have anything to worry about.