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Original poster

Am I pathetic for being upset over bf liking photos of women on Instagram

43 replies

Lucymek · 20/01/2018 22:06

Just that really.

My friend told me my bf has liked around five six
Pics this year of women (the same women) from our area on Instagram.

It has annoyed me.

Just to confirm I don't have Instagram and I don't like photos so there are no pics of us on his page which I don't care about.

OP posts:
Dontsayyouloveme · 20/01/2018 22:09

Not at all. I’d be very unimpressed and concerned that these woman were close by also. Why does he feel the need to like women’s Instagram pictures I wonder... ? What’s he getting out of it? How did you find out ? X

Marshy · 20/01/2018 22:10

That's a bit rubbish to be honest and I would be upset too. Have you talked to him about it?

laura65988 · 07/02/2018 08:46

Be secure in u're relationship if it bothers u that much say to him

Shoxfordian · 07/02/2018 08:48

Liking pictures on Instagram really isn't a big deal.
I have instagram and I like pictures all the time; that's pretty much the whole point of Instagram.

If you otherwise trust him then you really shouldn't worry about it

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 07/02/2018 08:55

I wouldn't be impressed if my boyfriend was liking other girls pics on Instagram , if it's a pic of a girl all done up and ready to go out then he's basically letting her know "I would" .

Usually when a woman likes a man's pic you can more or less guarantee he'll be sending her a DM over the next hour . That's my experience of Instagram , I'm in mid 20's and it can be a way of meeting people . I'd ask him why he feels the need to like these girls pics to be honest

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 07/02/2018 08:58

I wouldn't like that either. I don't use instagram, neither does dh but we both use facebook and I wouldn't like him doing that on there.

Have you told him how you felt about it? How did he react?

dirtybadger · 07/02/2018 09:04

5 or 6 pictures of the same women or woman? Like a few women, or you mean he is just liking one woman's pictures?
Is he friends with this woman/women? Does he know them personally? Or are they just women who live in the area (how does instagram work, can you filter by distance? I dunno).

If they're women he knows, then I actually think that's a bit less weird. Especially if your friend is saying he's liked a few womens pictures once or twice. She's noticed that, but maybe he likes lots of stuff he sees? Context is pretty important for whether this is just a bit immature, or problematic. I wouldn't have a problem with DP liking pictures of women he knows from the areas (i.e. acquaintances that he's connected to). I would have a problem with him scrolling through images of attractive women from the area liking them, like he's browsing through a catalogue. Gross.

sadiesnakes · 07/02/2018 09:10

I wouldn't like it at all. It's well known that some people use Instagram as a source for soft porn, mainly teenage boys and men, following mostly naked models, etc. I suppose it would depend on the nature of this woman's pictures? If she's half dressed I'd be pissed and the fact that your friend seen first means others can see what he's doing too. IMO I'd find it embarrassing and disrespectful.

kittykat798 · 07/02/2018 10:28

I've actually banned my boyfriend from doing this. He was never liking pics of people from our area, but girls he's known from uni etc. that he's not particularly friends with.

I find it embarrassing and looks bad to other people who see what he's liked. My rule is that it's fine to like a picture of a girl as long as it's not sexualised or a selfie. For example, a girl standing in front of a giant mountain - fine. A girl pouting at the camera- not ok.

It makes me feel uncomfortable and my perspective is, you can appreciate that photo, you can stare at it all you like but liking it only gives them gratification and upsets me. By not liking it, i'm not upset, i'm non the wiser and it doesn't negatively affect him. He's always stuck to the rule out of respect.

Shoxfordian · 07/02/2018 11:23

You banned him? Wow.

That is so controlling and you must be really insecure in your relationship. I would dump someone who tried to ban me from liking a picture on Instagram. Its ridiculous.

kittykat798 · 07/02/2018 11:30

Shoxfordian, yeah I banned him. For me it was a big deal. I wouldn't put it as controlling, it is a boundary for me. So if I'm not comfortable with it and you're not happy to oblige, fine I can't be in a relationship like that. If you respect my boundary, then cool.

Some people have hard limits with different topics, I am not forcing him to do anything, I am telling him my hard line and it's his choice to either respect or get out.

Shoxfordian · 07/02/2018 11:31

Yeah fair enough as he accepts your ban :)

Snowzicle · 07/02/2018 14:43

I would dump anyone instantly who started trying to control what pictures I looked at on the internet. I genuinely struggle to see how that can be a healthy relationship. Guess it just shows that it takes all sorts.

annielouise · 07/02/2018 17:34

I'm with you kittykat. What you say makes sense. If he didn't think you were worth it he'd have finished with you. As you say it's one thing liking a photo of someone that's just a photo of them doing a hobby or out with friends, posing and pouting what he's saying is he likes her. Putting up with that is not a healthy relationship to me. You drew the line and he thinks enough of you to agree.

annielouise · 07/02/2018 17:37

Again, as you said Kitty, liking is making a connection. And why does he need to do that to women who are posting a selfie. I think it is disrespectful. If it was a uni friend in front of a yacht or a flash car and he was into that then fine, you can see why he's liking it, but someone pouting in front of the mirror not wearing much then he's saying he likes her - all the while you've got a GF. Those would be my boundaries too.

CherryTreeIsGrowing · 07/02/2018 17:41

It would annoy me too. You're not comfortable with it so tell him that.

NSEA · 07/02/2018 17:51

if it's a pic of a girl all done up and ready to go out then he's basically letting her know "I would"

This is absurd. I like strangers glammed up all the time. Doesn’t mean anything.

This is a complete overreaction. Liking female strangers on social media is no different to saying you fancy tracy barlow on coronation street.

Unless your friend is suggesting there’s more to it then I personally would ignore

crazycatgal · 07/02/2018 19:04

The OP didn't they were strangers, she said it was someone from her area.

Repeatedly liking a woman's pictures where she is dolled up etc sends a message.

Petalflowers · 07/02/2018 19:14

I think it depends on context.

Is the woman someone he knows? If so 'liking' is just a quick,and easy way of saying 'you look nice'. Doesn't have to mean anything then a friendly compliment, and dp probably clicked on 'like' and then moved onto the next picture.

If he was seeking her pictures out, or you don't know who she is, or the photos were particularly provocative, then I would be less happy.

Also, I think it depends on his iinstragrM habit. He he 'like' a lot of things, or is it only this woman. If a lot of things, then I shouldn't worry.

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 08/02/2018 08:52

@crazycatgirl exactly !

@NSEA it isn't strangers though, it's women in the area. Have your low standards if you want but recognise your in the minority here so clearly to think its disrespectful is not "absurd" 🙄

NSEA · 08/02/2018 09:56

I absolutely don’t have low standards. I just don’t get jealous over my dh liking pictures of women. Nor does he get jealous when I do it.

Shoxfordian · 08/02/2018 14:46

I agree with @NSEA
I don't have low standards either, I'm just secure enough in myself not to let stupid shit bother me

Snowzicle · 08/02/2018 15:00

I'm another who doesn't think it's having "low standards" to not be possessive.

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 08/02/2018 19:28

It's not about being secure in yourself , its about your partner respecting you . If your partner is liking pics of women in your area (not movie stars) simplisticly it's feasible to say he finds them attractive and he's making them aware of this. It invites issues unnecessarily imo

diddlemethis · 08/02/2018 19:33

What else is he "liking"? If it is just pics of local girls posting selfies, then he's a tool. If he is one of those chaps who "likes" lots of varied things, then don't stress. Folk do loads of "likes" to up their profile followers. But feel free to bin him for caring about that!