Brave Babes Battle Bus: Next Stop Fabulous February

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus since 2014. Over the years, lots of us have maintained the thread, most of all the lovely Mouse, who has been here since the early days, and still scurries onboard when she can.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in. Driers and Triers, all welcome.

2018 has been a busy year so far, lots of new travellers as well as old faces; if you want to read back on the journey through Dry or Dryer January so far, here's the link to the last thread

And in case you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread.

Join us on our journey, you won't regret it.

Morning All.

Ma, I'm sorry it's so difficult and daunting. His presentation of roses is just typical; he thinks one-off gestures will fix things when you've needed him to be present, loving and effective every day. I don't suppose your sleep was very good, but I hope you do have a little more clarity this morning.

I'm still being punched all over by thousands of tiny, vindictive elves, but in a drastic improvement, today, my toes don't hurt - the only bit of me that doesn't.

Trust it makes such a difference when you're starting your day in the light.

Twattage staying off the beer will help resettle your sleep, lots of early nights for you.

Hope your gym stories make me laugh.

Sequins how are your this morning?

Still dreadful Sweet how you?

Sorry just read again and saw that your toes don't hurt. Great news!

ma it is so easy for others to give advice about what you should do, but no-one else has to walk in your shoes. I know how exhausting it is to live on the brink of leaving, the amount of headspace and heartache are unbelievable. Look after yourself and get away from it wherever you can - spend 5 minutes in the wild wind on a beach, or go out in the dark and howl at the moon. It is particularly cruel that he was the one who caused this yet you are the one with all the load of sorting it. As sweet said a sodding bunch of roses is an easy gesture, it takes no thought or effort, and it does NOT heal the hurt.

You know where I am if you need to let off steam.

Sequins, the progression for me was:
Sunday felt crappy but really just like a bad cold, then . . .
Monday awful, but able to put one foot in front of another until evening.
Tuesday, hit by bus, slept most of the day, couldn't concentrate on anything or eat.
Weds same with slightly less sleep but REALLY sore eyes.
Today, still not up to washing or dressing, but slightly more alert. Tried eating but everything has tasted rubbish and I gave up.
I've cancelled all gym classes for the rest of the week.

Twattage Me&my friends used to do anti-valentines day! We did it for years. It always involved a big piss-up as we were all single and a tad bitter. The other 3 are paired off/ married now and I'm still single but have DS so no longer care. Hope the jet lags not to bad.

Sweet and Sequins Hope you're feeling better. It sounds awful.

Ma How are you today? Hope you're feeling more positive.

Spanna I lived walking distance to a stunning beach for years. I miss it even though my nearest beach now is less than half hours drive. It's just not the same.

DS wasn't well yesterday (again) but he was loads better today. We've done the shopping, fed the ducks and been on the play area. It's been nice. I'm at day 46 today and I've done over a month without nicotine. I feel really positive about it all and really hope I can keep it up. I'd kind of like to be tee-total and a non-smoker but think that might be a bit ambitious.

thanks all

You will feel better eventually though Ma It's just hard at present because everything's uncertain. One day this period will just be a distant memory.

Hi. I'm back, and feeling straighter due to my prescription coming in. I know this thread is alcohol support and I guess that's what I started on, but can I still post? There's a million bad things to cocodamol (constipation, muggy feeling, sick feeling when take too many etc etc) much like alcohol but like alcohol the other feeling is so good.

Apart from that, life is okish atm. I'm horribly in debt but trying to cut back, but I've been offered a job in the civil service. They're currently doing background checks so I'm like a cat on a hot tin roof waiting. The civil service chance is better money, the chance to wear smart clothes, and the chance to move out I had a chance of getting into the police by joining the specials, but failed the fitness test I do still want to join the police but it'll be difficult. Not least the CKP qualification which as I failed last time I'd need to resit. I've been doing SW since last October but due to a gain this week have lost a grand total of 1lb since then, so not exactly great. Plus stupid supervisors in Tesco have put me on bloody lates again - despite me working late the last 3 weekends and everyone else swanning off to watch the rugby. Feeling a bit fed up tbh

Made I'm sorry you're feeling fed up I'm going to put my MummySpanna head on now......in my 20s I was addicted to cocaine really badly for around 2 years, this came about from taking Benylin with booze as a teen, cocodamol in high quantities with a cocktail of alcohol also in my late teens in fact anything I could get my hands on with codene in it I just wanted to blot out stuff, have a good time and didn't give a shit as long as I felt good! I am very lucky to still be here as this escalated to a full blown cocaine addiction. I've just googled some facts about cocodomol this one shocked me a bit......

If you take high doses of co-codamol for a long time it can cause a health problem called hypogonadism. Hypogonadism is where the body doesn't make enough sex hormones. This can make it more difficult for you to conceive.

I'm not sure how you feel about having kids.... there are as you say many other side effects. I'm surprised that your Doctor is still prescribing it to you as your injury was some time ago. I know that you can buy them over the counter (as I used to) Is there any way you can stop and take stock of your life and what it's doing to you? I am really worried about you Made and understand the escape that it gives you. Please can you try and wean yourself off them? I'm not judging I'm just concerned. The long term effect is a slippery slope into a very dark place. I totally 'get' the place where the feeling takes you and the 'normal' that it creates. Sorry to give you my pennies worth of thoughts, I just couldn't read and run without saying my bit xxxxx

I worry too lovely made and also understand.
I know things are tricky for you at home and really hope the civil service job works out so you can go forward in life independently and build a career. You are worth good things and a great life.

ma i know all the turmoil and how exhausted you must feel, truly I do. You will come out the other side but the road is rocky.

Hope everyone else is OK.

Thank you both for your lovely words. I used to be really optimistic about the future, now it's more along the lines of what can go wrong. Thanks for being so lovely though. I'vep got a confession - the cocadomal isn't mine, it's Mams. She gave it to me once for a knee injury and it's easy to get at. It feels Shit admitting that. She doesn't use them much so I'm not depriving her but I still know it's wrong, deep down. That's scary about having kids spanna - I do want children in the future. With weaning myself off, ive had to white knuckle it for a fortnight as none left and admit I did feel OK after a while. But when the new script came in, it was too good to resist. I know its not right but without it I feel restless, even once I'm over the initial withdrawal. I'm determined to keep a handle on my doses, and not taking more than it says on the packet (back last year I was taking double the recommended Dose) I'm total doom and gloom tonight!

Twattage I'm jealous of Cuba. It's on my list of things to do when I win the lottery with the ticket I never buy.
made welcome back lovely.
Spanna another lovely photo to make me jealous. All I have outside is cold!
Ma any more thoughts of escaping to the farm cottage? A new start and all that?

Thank you all for thinking of me. DP is ok and coming to terms with the fact that his daughter has changed her name to her new millionaire step father's . She's been no contact since the summer when we think he bought her a flat for uni. My DPs family are furious with her and it looks like she's just binned the lot of them. Shes 21 so she's not a child. Just a stupid, cruel, spoilt woman.
I'm flat out at work at the moment. I'm off Saturday and then don't have a proper day off until April!! He's still not working and I'm beginning to suspect he's not even looking. I have started to apply for universal credit as it's replaced working tax credits and to further my humiliation, they have advised I apply for a welfare grant. I would be better off on my own according to the benefits calculater. We are around £3 grand in debt right now and I can barely afford to pay the rent and put food on the table after working 50+ hour weeks. At least sheer exhaustion is making me not drink. I come home, eat and I'm in bed within the hour. Always a silver lining in that cloud!

mint have a hug. you have so much on your plate and still keep going. i admire you hugely.
made wise words from the lovely mammaspanna. you are still young and can be anything you want to be. I hope you can beat this.
Thank you all for your kind words.
DH and I are corresponding my email which sounds odd but takes the anger and emotion out of it and also the desire to reach out and punch his face in. Divorce and separation are both options on the table now, to his alarm. I genuinely don't know what planet he lives on.
I don't know if I have the resolve to see it through but it feels good to even have the words out there

I understand ma. I sometimes wait until I'm at work then text him as I find I can articulate better without him flying into nasty rages as I'm daring to confront him.

It's Chinese New Year. They believe if you enter your year (The Rooster for me which is just finishing) with bad luck, you keep it for a year and a day. I was talking to someone at work about it yesterday so they suggested that as Saturday is the 'day' I should buy a lottery ticket. As I said to her, as it's the 'day' I'd probably win but drop down dead in shock. So if I'm not online Sunday, you know that damn Rooster got me! 🐓🐓🐓

Hi All

On my way to London to watch Dd2 at theatre school, I hate going to stuff like this, surrounded by failed theatre mums, wearing rara skirts & leg warmers, who think their children are the best and will of course become the next Elizabeth Taylor 🙄 So I get to the station and lovely man at ticket office says if you wait until the 9.06 it will only cost £18 instead of £33.40 what time does it arrive I say, 11 he says, not enough time at the other end to be on time I put on one of my posher frocks only to sit on the train and realise I have a deodorant smear down the side 😡 honestly I can't even get dressed properly!!!!!!
Have a good day all X

FFS I've got a sniffing git next to me

Morning babes, been AWOL from this thread for a long time but am back to join you all. Have decided to give up alcohol for Lent so might need some hand holding xx

Hi,

Jumping on the bus for an AF journey. I did post some time ago but fell at the first hurdle. Drink about 6 bottles of red a week but recently cut down to half a bottle a night. I started drinking because of a very unhappy marriage and stress at work all this is somewhat resolved now but the opening a bottle of an evening remains so going to knock it on the head for 30 days and take it from there.

Welcome, Jayne, you are in the right place. Take it one day at a time, those days soon add up. Well done on bringing your units down, but you may still find you have disturbed sleep and some other withdrawal symptoms to begin with. Do you have a plan - alternatives to Friday night vino?

O-B-R-I-G-A-D-A! welcome back, I'll get the strong black coffee out. Lots of hands to choose from

Spanna murder is ok in those circumstances . Have a lovely day in the big smoke.

Mint you must have had your share of bad luck for the year already . No, it's not fair that after working more than full time you can't cover your bases, and that makes DPs daughter's actions even more hurtful.

Ma, if email works to keep the temp down why not?

Made, I have nothing wise to add to what Spanna said, but you need to think about what is working - a new job, and I don't know what it is like now, but many years ago, I had a CS job, and there was a weekly bulletin of opportunities in other areas of the service, so moving around and secondment was always an option, so even if the job you have isn't your ideal, there may be something else available. As for the police, you need to focus on the positive steps you can take towards improving the areas you failed on; addressing your dependence on co-codamol will help that.

I'm finally feeling the fog of flu lifting, and I'm feeling even more positive about being AF. Today is day 47 (I think), I'm thinking about a Spring lightened by the absence of alcohol; I'm thinking about the £50 per week I'm saving; and that this isn't a deprivation, it's treating myself with respect.

Just trying Fevertree elderflower tonic. At the first sip, I thought "Blauugh!" But actually, it's growing on me, albeit with a faintly bubble-gummy aftertaste. Anyone else tried any new AF drinks recently?

Grr... just lost a massive post, NCs and all. And also lost the will to try to recreate it - so forgive me not mentioning all babes and just sending my thoughts to Ma and saying to Spanna that I hope your day improved. I’ve a little bet with myself that you went all gooey when you saw DD on stage despite your sensible and healthy circumspection about matters theatrical. Made hang in there - read back on your posts and just see how your clarity of thought is fantastic - I know you’ll get there. One day at a time, to us all.

I’m ok, still AF, bit bored but I know this is the time when vigilance is critical. Sweet glad you’re feeling a bit better. Thanks for the fevertree reminder - I’m not sure about the elderflower variety but in half an hour or so I’ll make myself a Seedlip and fevertree to kick off the weekend. Blimey, I know how to live. Seedlip is growing on me, though (probably literally) - does anyone else here drink it and if so which one do you prefer? I’m alternating between the two. I still think it is stupidly expensive for what it is, but I guess you could say the same about wine..

Runners - I’m still in search of the elusive dolphin endorphins. I’m at the end of w1 if C25K- frankly I’m a wreck. Please tell me I’ll feel better soon...?

Small I keep looking at Seedlip, but I can't imagine if I'd like it so I don't allow myself to justify the price - oh the irony!

obrigada good to see you again, dearest.
So tonight is chinese new year (mint I'm a rabbit!!!!) and Richard is home so asked DH to get some easy stuff to throw on the table for a new year feast. (I have been driving all day down from Inverness via Aberdeen) so didn't have time. there are 6 of us.
We have:
ONE pizza
eggs
ONE stick of French bread
a pasta salad
Some cheese and crackers.

How can anyone be SO FUCKING USELESS!!!!

'Feast', Ma?? Is he planning to sparkle up the pizza by turning it into a Florentine?

Have a lovely evening inspite of him.