Is this a friendship or a relationship?

[Kinunir]

I'm so confused!

I've been seeing a woman I think is amazing for a couple of months now and we have our tenth date tonight.

In between dates we talk constantly - a few texts every day and a phone call or two pretty much every single day since we first met.

All good so far, right?

Lately, however, the conversations have tended to be more about some bad stuff she has going on in her life (job pressure mainly) and less fun.

Also, she doesn't appear to be physically interested in me at all - a passionate kiss at the end of the date is as far as things have progressed in that area.

So, the question I'm asking, is whether she sees things as a friendship only, despite stating otherwise?

I think what's important is asking the right question. Its far too easy for her to say "yes I want a relationship"/"yes I find you attractive" and follow that up with "but life is just too stressful right now", especially when it is and seeing you makes her life better. It doesn't matter whether she's consciously lying, or not, you'd not getting the truth.

I think you need to find out if this type of relationship is her norm. If she's always had relationships remain non-sexual for this long, then ... that's just her. If not ... then you have your answer.

Good luck. Work out how to phrase your question and ask it - but do it soon. Don't continue to waste your emotional energy, unless you're genuinely happy being just her supportive friend.

"She may be demisexual - which is where true sexual attraction (ie. gets to the point of wanting to have sex) requires emotional attraction. this usually means getting to know someone really quite well - a 3rd or 4th date just won't cut it. "

I think this is pretty common and doesn't really warrant needing a label for it.

I think this is pretty common and doesn't really warrant needing a label for it.

Demisexuality isn't just "waiting to get to know someone" before you do rationally decide to do the deed - ie. a few weeks.

It is waiting for an emotional bond IN ORDER to feel any real sexual attraction which usually takes considerably longer - months often. Absent the emotional bond there is no sexual attraction which is why is labelled on the spectrum of asexuality. Unfairly from what I can see.

I still feel it's pretty common ThereWasABaboon. I've spoken to many people who say they only fancy people they know.
It's obviously not true for those who have photos of Johnny Depp by the bed, but it's true for those who have a crush on Jack from work and wouldn't turn around for a handsome stranger in the street.

I agree with SpiritedLondon's suggestion: be a little less available and see if she comes after you.

Keep in mind also stress may be making her feel less into her sexual side

I've been out with men 2/3 more times myself waiting for attraction to grow ... sometimes it doesn't

It sounds like you are not happy with your feelings being unreciprocated: cancelmyour next date and see if she is eager to see you.

I think she must like you quite a bit to be in as much contact though : if it was just talk about problems most women have friends/family for that!!

So, a few weeks on and we've just had a weekend away, though nothing happened - slept in the same bed but it 'wasn't the time or the place', though 'next time will be'.

She has said she's fond of me which I take to mean she likes me rather than fancies me.

Time to bail out?

Yes I would. You're not on the same wavelength. She either doesn't want a physical relationship at all, or she just doesn't want it with you, which would be fine if that's what you wanted, but by the sounds of it, it's not. You'd be better off looking for someone who wants the same thing as you rather than just settling.

If it were right, you'd have no big doubts. You'd be excited and happy.

It sounds to me that you two aren't suited. You don't want to be with someone who is so different from you that you wonder how she feels. That's a recipe for insecurity.

make a clean break.

I'm going to give it until this weekend and then bow out gracefully if necessary. The situation is doing my head in, not to mention damaging my self-esteem.

Kin I do hope you get some answers soon.