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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

so he told me

63 replies

Gossipqueen14 · 19/01/2018 22:42

Finally after weeks of feeling like I can do no right DH Told me he is not happy, isn't sure if he loves me and doesn't know if he wants to be together...I am absolutely heartbroken and confused. I offered to leave with DC to go to my mums he said no why are we rushing things. Lots of tears from me not him and he said that while I was crying he felt nothing. He wasn't saying this in a nasty way just expressing that ATM he has no feelings about anything.

What do I do? Do I leave or wait? 😢

OP posts:
Weezol · 23/01/2018 17:00

I think he needs to leave, even just for a few days to allow you some space. You and the DC must remain in the family home at all costs.

Gazelda · 23/01/2018 17:03

Have you asked him if he's having an affair? It would be a hard question to ask, but it might be what's needed to get him to focus on the devastation he's causing.

SecretSantaaaaaa · 23/01/2018 17:07

I don't think it's an affair at all. He may be into someone else which has questioned his love for you, but I don't think he is participating in an affair.

Italiangreyhound · 23/01/2018 17:13

OP please do not leave your home.

Would he consider couples counselling?

Good luck. Flowers

Original poster
Gossipqueen14 · 28/01/2018 07:49

Hi all

Been very busy this week with work ATM. h told me he does love me and wants to be with me. And annoyingly we have had a lovely weekend but I woke up with the dread this morning and checked his phone. Still nothing incriminating on it...so I think it's time to put it to the back of my head and get on with things for dc.

We have a date night planned for a few weeks I just wish he had never said it I am an extremely insecure person so whether it was said in a down moment or not it will take me a while to get my confidence back

OP posts:
Allmenarewankers · 28/01/2018 08:18

I would be very guarded here and observe ...you and he need to talk some more about what he said . He needs to try to explain what is going on in his mind . He cannot drop a bombshell then retreat . This detached behaviour can be part of depression or it can be part of an affair . Whatever it is he has left you in a very vulnerable position and this is unfair . I'm sorry but I don't think you have heard the last of this . A few weeks for date night ?? Bring it forward !

Offred · 28/01/2018 13:25

Joint counselling?

Given the announcement followed by back pedalling a significant amount of trust and security will have now gone from the relationship.

If you just go back to normal life without working through it it will eat your marriage from the inside out.

Original poster
Gossipqueen14 · 29/01/2018 08:50

And there we have it messages from a girl from the gym...nothing happened just friends blah blah blah I have packed and left

Now how do I get over this 😢

OP posts:
user1471134011 · 29/01/2018 08:57

OP 💐
What is it about the fucking gym.
Ducks in a row.
Copies of all necessary paperwork.

Offred · 29/01/2018 09:00

SadFlowers give it time...

splatattack · 29/01/2018 09:06

Are you going to confront him? Try to find out as much as you can before you do..Thanks

Wtfdoicare · 29/01/2018 09:06

So sorry OP. Look after yourself. Keep posting and you'll get help here.

Alwaysstressed999 · 29/01/2018 09:21

I'm so sorry OP 😢 Hard as it is now you will get over it in time! You seem like a lovely person and deserve so much more than that! Good for you for having a back bone and leaving! Good luck x

EmyRoo · 29/01/2018 09:23

You have packed and left or he has?
He should be leaving, not you.

I am so sorryFlowers it will be a shock.

Make sure you have real life support, copies of all financial paperwork and don’t do anything till you have taken legal advice. It does get better, but it is difficult and takes time. Be gentle with yourself and don’t talk to him unless you want to.

letsdolunch321 · 29/01/2018 09:24

Unless it is his house, pack his bags and send him
Packing the twat

notapizzaeater · 29/01/2018 09:28

Why are you leaving ? Stay put, he needs to leave, the children need to stay ta home.

Original poster
Gossipqueen14 · 29/01/2018 09:31

I really need to be around my family right now

OP posts:
BoredOnMatLeave · 29/01/2018 09:32

I'm so sorry OP Flowers, What a shit.

When I originally read gym my heart sank. My DF just used to go to work and the gym so my DM thought all was ok. My nan followed him one day. Watched him go into the gym, get a ticket and walk straight back out again and go to OW house. When my DM confronted him he showed her the ticket and told her she was going mad. Some men are really just awful people.

onanotherday · 29/01/2018 09:33

why are they all so blodfly predictable?! Do sorry OPFlowers
You are in shock atm. But if you feel safe to do so..go home pach HIS bags and you and dc get RL help.
Does he know that you have found out? play cards close to your chest. i know it's the last thing on your mind.
...but stop joint accounts..get paperwork copied etc...whatever the out come you need to think about securing your home for dc's. Lots of us have come through....even when we thought it impossible.
.you can and will..especially with this best of vipers!

dumbolickous · 29/01/2018 09:43

How old are your children OP? Do they realise/understand what's going on?

dumbolickous · 29/01/2018 09:44

@onanotherday . Freudian slip..... best of vipers 😄

Original poster
Gossipqueen14 · 29/01/2018 15:07

Over two years it was going on how much of a fool am I

OP posts:
Cobwebdust · 29/01/2018 15:28

You're not a fool OP. Flowers

Alwaysstressed999 · 29/01/2018 17:14

You are not a fool for being a trusting loving wife! THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!! Don't take the blame! I am so sorry you have to deal with this! Do what's best for you and your DC now and make sure you have everything in writing and seek legal advice even if at this moment you don't feeel like doing that it always best to have everything legalised from the start 💜

SammySays · 29/01/2018 17:39

Oh you poor thing, I’m so sorry he’s done this to you Flowers