Am being snippy to dh. I KNOW I am being unreasonable: kick up the arse needed .

[Enid]

He has been away in the states for a week. I need to stop being so resentful and miserable, and to quash the urge to say 'DO YOU KNOW WHAT MY LIFE IS LIKE!' when he asks me to do his packed lunch. I said 'no' instead and then immediately felt guilty and made it anyway.

I have three children (7, 4 and 1 ), I work part-time in dh's business (stressful).

His job is hard and stressful atm but I can't help feeling that the spa and 42" plasma screen in his lovely hotel room must have helped a bit with that

anyway we have friends coming to stay this weekend so I need a crash-course in how to be loving supportive wife.

I get this a lot
Sometimes I sit down with dh and tell him the truth, that whilst I am happy with the choices I made to have a family and give up work, that is not the be-all and end-all and he needs to be aware of how much thinking and organising I do, behind the scenes, that he doesn't see, and how looking after one more human being (him) and not feeling looked after or considered oneself can occasionally make me boil over with rage, even if it is transient rage, and a bit petty.
God I only have one child, as well.
I am so clearly not a natural....

Blimey

I think I would have said
fuck you tosspot

after that comment

Hmmm. This is my thumbnail response:
There has been a change. Before you worked for for an organisation of which you were the boss (if I rightly recall). Now you are working for DH. So when he comes and asks you to make his packed lunch, it is part of a wider 'who's boss' dynamic.
It's not him, it's the dynamic. Think, drink, discuss and explain when calm and unobserved by guests.

Except that i was interrrupted when thinking about my post, and missed your post about the birthday party etc.

He needs a v sharp wake-up call. he is probably being a bit insensitive and 'blithe' rather than deliberately tosserish, but it needs explaining to him, very assertively, imo!

yes you may be right blu

I knwo he loves having me there in the business but I dont know whether it is going to work

This sounds like your dh is abit jealous. My BIL drops comments like that all the time, and in the school holidays he's like a spoilt child sulking because he thinks my sister is having a holiday too.

oh good that yuo all thought it was out of order

PIL heard me replying and said 'dear o dear you are very bolshy these days arent you'

ffs

I'm not saying it won't work - it could work v well, and sounds a good solution in many ways, just that he has to understand the dynamic a bit more, and he can't be 'your boss' in your home life.

I would have felt like punching the FIL - not helpful to feel that his whole family expect you to be meek grateful wife! Actually that was bloody rude of him - he shouldn't have interfered in a conversation like that, not at all.

so then in the evneing we have to go out to meeat a client of dhs

in the car:

Enid: it really pissed me off when you said that thing about findnig me something to do

dh: oh get over it. stop harking on about it

Enid: NO! It was a shitty shite thing to say

dh: well maybe I felt resnetful when I havent had any time to myself for ages and I am working so hard

Enid: well maybe thats how I felt when I heard about your spa and your massive shopping spree

[silence]

[both stare stonily ahead]

yes

oh dear how am I going to get over this

especially wehn I feel so knackered that eevn the HV commented how tired I was looking

why can your hv see it ut your dh can't?

god knows

thye are trained to?

dhs attitude is - this is your life, get on with it, what can we do about it, nothing so just suck it up.

Stop working for DH ,Enid, is no good. You will end up murdering him.

Can I suggest couples counselling
sounds like you need to re-open your channels of communication...

god do you think it is that bad

If I were you would murder the fIL anyway.What an arse

NO but it doesn't have to be tbh, if you wait til things are really really bad it would be much harder

You are both not hearing what the other is saying or means. You are both resentful of each other but can't convey what you really mean without the other taking offence

That would get you over that hurdle

fil definitely deserves telling not to speak to you like that in your own home.

I'd consider getting a p/t job and quit working for dh.

Enid - tonight get a take away

Make dh know you are off duty

Have a bucket of wine, let your hair down

Tomorrow go shopping with friend and leave men with the kids

Give your dh someting to moan about (rather than him moaning bout nothing!!)