I ended my affair and now I’m sad.

[LadyCafe]

I posted about a week of or so ago. I’ve been talking to a man for 2 months. We saw eachother 3x. The next step was to sleep together and I couldn’t do it even though I really wanted to. Now I’m thinking, did I make a mistake? He was really upset and told me to text soon if possible.

He also said he’ll be looking for a new affair partner. I didn’t tell him but I felt a pang of jealousy! What is wrong with me?

I know this all sounds terrible.

*previous post about embarking on

Your sadness is nothing compared to what your husband would be feeling if he found out.

Him mentioning and Introducing another AP sounds like Triangulation here:

www.psychopathfree.com/articles/torture-by-triangulation.134/

He wants you to vie for his attention.

'The Human Magnet Syndrome' book, the author explains how Codependent are attracted to Manipulators.

Stay away from this guy OP and go google the shit out of John Gottman and work on your marriage. All that affair energy is better spend on your DH.

My advice would be for you to see a counsellor to try and work out why you were tempted, especially if you say you still love your husband. They can also help you work through the sadness.

Thank you all. It’s been a few days and I’m coming out of the fog. I can’t believe what I did and what I planned to do. I’ve been feeling really awful about my myself. My poor husband and children. :(

It was like it wasn’t really happening. I wasn’t myself. It happened quickly and I got sucked in. I kept wanting to tell this man no and that it’s wrong but I couldn’t say it.

He texted me a couple days after I told him I can’t. He said “Just think, right now we could be having fun”. Then he said “I’ve been messaging women(on the extramarital site) like crazy. I haven’t found anyone yet! There is nothing! No one is appealing.” I told him “Good Luck”.

So Bibbidee... you’re right! I read the article you posted. Why is this man telling me he’s been messaging a ton of women?! To make me feel that I missed out? And how easily replaceable I am?

I’m going to see my counselor tomorrow and tell her everything. I was easily tempted. It was exciting and new. Something different. It was also intoxicating.

My father has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and possibly Antisocial Personality Disorder. My mother has symptoms as well. This is what my last therapist said. What happened with this guy was all too familiar. :/

Oh, and he said he still talks to his ex affair partner, regularly. He said they talk about me... she’s guiding him in having affairs. He told me she’s a strong woman who knows what she wants. This woman also just left her husband for another man. He literally believes his wife will never find out.

First off, stop bloody giving a shit about anything he says, why do you care if he's talking to one of his many affairs?

Just block him, if you're really that sorry you wouldn't have any contact whatsoever!

If your husband had an emotional and near sexual affair with someone, how would you feel about him still being in co tact with her?

You don't seem to have learnt anything, you're making lip service to being sorry to your husband and children, you don't come across as truly sorry. It's still all about what your first affair partner isn't it.

Yuck!

@LadyCafe

Ah ha!

Ok here's a link to why you were probably carried along with the affair. It's addictive!

brainworldmagazine.com/flame-addiction-neuroscience-infidelity/

And here's another link as to why you might have been attracted to this guy/personality type?:

'The Human Magnet Syndrome':

www.humanmagnetsyndrome.com/index.php

I'm currently reading this book atm.

You’re still in contact so you’re still in the affair.

You really need to cut contact and stop entertaining his nonsense

Thank again, Bibbidee. I will look into the books you mentioned.

I haven’t contacted him. And I highly doubt he’ll ever contact me again.

OP you won't get much sympathy on here - lots of women have been through hell on Earth, and back again - so you can kind of understand. It's not something you can be impartial about if you've been through it. It cuts like a knife.

Trying to be non-judgemental, the best way to get over this is to completely block him - anything else is feeding the addiction. If you're serious about your husband , consider telling him.

I've been on both sides. Ive been cheated on, and also cheated on my ex husband in a desperate moment. I wanted to leave, but was scared of him. I can tell you now - it destroys lives - friends, family, children - all impacted. The worst decision of my life.

I will never, ever get over the guilt - it's there every day. To cause someone else that much pain is horrific.

Don't go back there. If I could turn the clock back, I would - in a heartbeat.

Thanks, Kare. Honestly, I would turn the clock back too. I would have never entertained the idea at all.

Op I have been where you are. However I told my partner everything the guilt I had over all was overwhelming me ad tearing me apart. He's left and I'm an emotional wreck as is he. My partner deserved better and to know the truth. I make no excuses for what I did it's all on me. I have been having counseling to work out why it happened which is helping a little. I have some insight in some aspects in the why but it doesn't make it right. I will regret it all for the rest of my life I feel at . I lost a good, kind man whom I have hurt beyond belief. If I could turn back the clock I would.sadly I can't. My advice if really love your husband talk to him find out within yourself what is wrong in the marriage that made yo do this. Whether yo decide to tell you're husband is up to you. Please waste no more time or thoughts. On the OM he doesn't care about you and never did. Work on you and your marriage if you want to stay in it. Good luck.