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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

A clear definitive way to tell this man NO?! ...politely....

70 replies

PeppyPiggy · 18/01/2018 10:07

I went on a date with this guy out of feeling pressure and pity cause he wouldn't stop (I know, I know, my bad!) I thought I would give it a chance. date was fucking awful the guy is very strange to put it briefly.
He now will not take NO for answer, he keeps blowing up my phone, continues to call even when I continue to very clearly reject the calls. I told him there is no chance of romance three times now since the date. Yesterday I said it again, he accepted it! He said thats fine and that he didn't want to chase - hallelujah - just a few hours later he has texted me this

"I've been thinking, the wind has kept me up a bit. It would be helpful for me to chat about some questions with you' (dunno wtf he's on about) "I'd like to discover about me and you. How about we chat briefly a bit later or on a convenient evening. I feel we do have a lot in common. It would be a shame to loose that. x"

As polite as his message sounds he has down right ignored every single time I say no. I have said no to him and then he starts talking to me about how much money he has as well, he's even randomly sent me pictures of how much money he's made in the week its really creepy. BUT the thing is, we run in the same circles in terms of work and socialising, I really didn't want to have to block him and would rather keep things on amicable terms. Can anyone help with just the perfectly, definitive, very clear AND POLITE way of saying that I am not interested. Everything I say seems to be completely ignored I want him to get the picture fully...

OP posts:

ohfortuna · 18/01/2018 12:21

lindenclinicalpsychology.com.au/how-to-use-the-grey-rock-method-for-toxic-behaviours/

ohfortuna · 18/01/2018 12:22

Don't tell him to fuck off
Swearing is not Grey rock
Swearing shows that you are emotionally aroused he will enjoy it it feeds him

Desmondo2016 · 18/01/2018 12:25

Police officer here. This is worrying behaviour. I would advise one clear (short) message. "I have tried to be polite but you are not getting the message so I'm now being blunt. Do not contact me again. I am blocking you on everything after this message and will report any further harassment to the police.

As police we like that really clean line in the sand drawn where there is absolutely no question of whether he though the contact was wanted or not. It makes it massively easier for us to deal with a future report of harassment. Screenshot your message and his and then block block block. Hope this helps. Oh and if he knows where you live or work make sure a few people you trust know what he looks like and what he drives in case he starts hanging around or driving by.

GlitterUnicornsAndAllThatJazz · 18/01/2018 12:28

This happened to me once and I wrote along the lines of:

"This is my final message to you. I have logged all your calls and texts in detail. The next time you contact me I will be contacting the police directly as this clearly constitutes harrassment. Goodbye."

I didnt hear from him again

tiptopteepe · 18/01/2018 12:31

Stop being polite now. He is not being polite to you this is aggressive now. Men like that bank on women being 'nice'. Tell him to stop contacting you or you will inform the police. The police WILL take it seriously and he will be issued with an harrassment warning if he then continues.

blueremembered · 18/01/2018 12:32

Make sure you have screenshoots of everything before you block!

DadOnIce · 18/01/2018 12:37

Also tell him that if the wind is keeping him up a bit, he should try Rennies or Deflatine.

restbiterepeat · 18/01/2018 12:39

Yes, because humiliating a man with no boundaries is safe for women...

FizzyGreenWater · 18/01/2018 12:41

Reply:

'Your wind kept you up a bit? FNARRRRR!!!!!!!! Sorry no can do re chat lolz got a lot on hun'

Not really.

Just block.

Look blank if confronted in person and say you have to go so don't wish to talk but that you weren't aware there was any more to say. And walk off.

FizzyGreenWater · 18/01/2018 12:41

xpost! DadOnIce

StormTreader · 18/01/2018 12:44

Guys like this crave and seek attention. Like toddlers, they dont really care if its negative attention, its still attention. Every single contact he has with you is the "Hollywood be persistent and win the girl!" situation, regardless of the words you are actually saying. Send him a blunt and clear message, and then block on everything.

DriggleDraggle · 18/01/2018 12:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BewareOfDragons · 18/01/2018 12:45

"If you contact me again, or if I see you near me again, I will contact the police and pursue a stalking and harassment charge against you."

monkeywithacowface · 18/01/2018 12:46

Take the advice of Desmondo then send no further response. Any response positive or negative keeps communication open. Any further contact and just go straight to the police.

phoenix1973 · 18/01/2018 12:47

Absolutely block and ignore.
You owe him nothing.
The errors of being too nice. He's not worried about being nice to you, is he?
Starve a fire of oxygen and it dies.
Starve a weirdo of responses and his ardour will die. He'll find someone else. Who's nice.

Merrz · 18/01/2018 12:55

Agree, just ignore or block him. If you are worried about being polite ignoring is nicer than telling him to f**k off because he's a creep. And by replying he might be thinking you are slightly interested, just ignore, he'll get the message

DearMrDilkington · 18/01/2018 13:44

I really would contact the police regardless at this point. His harassing you and I'm concerned he might start stalking you as well, I bet his got previous for this sort of thing.

Does he know where you live or work?

Original poster

PeppyPiggy · 18/01/2018 14:06

@ ohfortuna

I've blocked him ..but aside from that, thank you for sharing this technique (and thank you to the other person who mentioned it also)

OP posts:

hattiehollow · 18/01/2018 16:47

Read this thread this morning and just saw this which made me think of you: What to do if you're being stalked www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/articles/42735016

OhCalamity · 18/01/2018 17:25

Sounds exactly like a bloke I had a disaster date with. I was pestered for a date and I gave in. It was the most boring date of my life. At the end I told him I was not interested in further dates, I wanted to stay single etc. Didn't even give him a kiss on the cheek.

I got bombarded with chocolates flowers and texts. He told me that his mother could't wait to meet me and "she just knows she'll love me like a daughter" and more along those lines.

I realised that it didn't matter what way I phrased it that I didn't want a date, I was merely a prop in his little drama and he paid no heed to anything coming out of my mouth. So I was blunt. His reply was a classic I'm a nice guy you bitch! response and proceeded to tell every mutual acquaintance how I broke his heart and what a cunt I am

So it doesn't matter what you say - just be clear and not wishy washy. He's going to think you are a cunt anyway, you might as well wear that badge with pride.

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