DH is sick of my nagging

[Rantsinmyspanx]

DH generally and with reluctance, does his share around the house, however I often find I have to complete the job. So he washes up- I remove the scummy water and food from the sink, he puts up a shelf, I put all the tools away after he's left them on the window sill. He will dust the lounge but step over bits of rubbish on the floor and leave them there.
Recently I've also become annoyed with his hygiene- he doesn't wash his hands after going to the toilet and then will give DCS a snack, will leave poo tracks in the toilet.
So yes, Ive pulled him up on all these things this last week. He has completely flown off the handle at me about it and says I'm selfish, he's fed up of being moaned at etc etc. He is now sleeping in the spare room, has refused to speak to me etc
So what the he'll am I supposed to do then? Keep stum and accept this stuff?

Stick to your guns and leave him in there. You get all the bed!! I would be separating the washing and leave his to him also. And make yours and dc tea. He needs to take responsibility for his own home. You ain't his mother!!

That is so immature of him! Leave him to it! You should stop cleaning up after him and let him see what a state the house gets into then

He's a manchild

Why did you marry him?

As others have said, leave him to it and let him get one with sulking. I’m the mean time start to separate the washing, ironing and don’t clean his room or make him food.

He does the main domestic tasks with no problems: he will vacuum, mop etc. But I'm tired of doing the constant hidden, 'finishing off' tasks, and I'm pretty sure he think he does more than I do. But I'm constantly bloody tidying up little things because they haven't been put away. He doesn't acknowledge this at all. I'm sure he thinks there's a magic fairy in our house!

Also not washing his hands is just gross.

Let him have his little mantrum and sleep in the spare room if he wants to.

Stick to your guns on the slovenliness. If he behaved like a functioning adult, you wouldn't have to "nag" him.

I'd be tempted to take a picture of his skid marks and piles of rubbish and post them on social media and tag him #didntsayaword

I have this too! Partner washes up and leaves a sink full of nasty water. Or 'cleans' kitchen but doesn't wipe sides down. Or wipes sides down straight onto the floor so then the floor needs sweeping.
It is really annoying and I get accused at nagging when I bring it up. Which annoys me further then I lose my temper and we argue.
His parents are quite untidy (don't make the bed, change it probably once every 6 weeks, don't clean bathroom etc) so what I see as necessary cleaning he sees as a waste of time as he has been brought up thinking that is normal.

Mine told me last night it was my job to clear away his breakfast stuff, cereal packets, bread, milk all left out when I got home in afternoon as I only worked part time.
I am putting house on the market this spring, he can go live on his own.

My DH has mantrums when I point out that he hasn't actually cleaned the dishes properly/has left the toilet in a state/left pubes liberally sprinkled around the house (wtf?!).

Sorry, no actual help but you have my sympathy. I'd stick to your guns and leave him in the spare room to come to his senses.

Mantrum! I love it. Lol

If you have children, please dont start having separate meals and all that - my parents did this,even separated the furniture into two separate rooms according to who had bought what after one row about who does more...its a horrible way for children to live.either be a couple or split.

Whoever came up with mantrum is a genius.
I am totally stealing that.

Argh I sympathise. Nagging is generally not something people do for a laugh, if your husband did what is really just rudimentary things, then you wouldn't have to 'nag'. Also what kind of example is this setting for your children?

I went out with a 47 year old man who thought it was ok to wear pants and socks for 2 or more days without washing them. Do these people not get taught things by their parents? Or is it bad habits they fall into?

I only wash my socks after 2 or 3 days in case the neighbours might notice and judge me (). They don't smell or spread germs; can't really see the harm in that. Most men I have known have worn their pants for longer than I would.

Women "nag", men do the same thing except that it's "providing constructive criticism", "discussing issues" or "telling someone what to do".

I have one of them too. If he hoovers he leaves it out in the hall, wire trailing and we always have little heaps of tools etc piling up. I call him 'arther as in half a job. It is bloody annoying though.

Mantrum!

I have two teenagers in the house and your husband reminds me of them. With my son (the main culprit) I simply "remind" him in a friendly way that he has "forgotten" to do part of the job. So as I pass him on the stairs I say "Oh by the way, you left your plate on the side" or "Thanks for hanging up the washing, now all that's left is for you to pick up those pegs you dropped". Always in a totally friendly non-passive-aggressive voice. I think he's getting better. Not sure I could be arsed if he was an adult, and not my child, though.

Interesting that many other women can relate to the half a job thing... 'arfer is fab! I'll be using that one. Obviously I don't claim to be perfect, I can be a messy madam at times myself but at least I get around to tidying up after myself within a few days. DH likes to point out things I've done or haven't done if I 'nag' him about these little mishaps. I leave more paperwork around the house... interesting though that such paperwork is to do with our children, such as NHS letters etc which automatically become mine! Yes I have more bloody stuff lying around than him... because I've more stuff to sort out than he does!

Don't criticise. Tell him when he doesn't do a good job, how this makes you FEEL. It's hard though! I wanted to shout 'what's the fecking matter with you?'

Alas, these manchildren need a little help with this.

I always wonder on these threads why MILS or FILS aren't contacted to see if they ever showed their sons how to do ordinary domestic living chores properly.

The amount of men I read about on MN who are incapable of doing their fair share is astounding. Either they've never been shown how or they reckon by deliberately making a mess of it they'll be exempted.

To everyone who has sons, please educate them on how to do their fair share of domestic life. The Mental Load cartoon is fantastic for spelling it out for men who appear to never have been taught as is the blog about how a wife left because her husband didn't put his glass in the dishwasher.

This is 2018. How are so many adult men 'Arfer' and what can this generation of mothers of boys do to ensure their sons are not 'Arfers' in the future?

I know how you feel.

I have two teenage DS and their father is useless (we are divorced). He was another one who thought it was beneath him to put his rubbish in the bin or plate in the dishwasher. The teens are actually less shit than him, and they don't have a huff if picked up on something they haven't done. Life in the house is considerably less stressful without him around.
When you are less mature than your teenage sons, you should be ashamed tbh.