DH is sick of my nagging

[Rantsinmyspanx]

DH generally and with reluctance, does his share around the house, however I often find I have to complete the job. So he washes up- I remove the scummy water and food from the sink, he puts up a shelf, I put all the tools away after he's left them on the window sill. He will dust the lounge but step over bits of rubbish on the floor and leave them there.
Recently I've also become annoyed with his hygiene- he doesn't wash his hands after going to the toilet and then will give DCS a snack, will leave poo tracks in the toilet.
So yes, Ive pulled him up on all these things this last week. He has completely flown off the handle at me about it and says I'm selfish, he's fed up of being moaned at etc etc. He is now sleeping in the spare room, has refused to speak to me etc
So what the he'll am I supposed to do then? Keep stum and accept this stuff?

Good. Tell him to stay there, and when he leaves his shit hanging around (well, not his literal shit I suppose!) lob it in there and close the door.

If he can be petty and pathetic you can be petty and pathetic right back at him.

He’s sleeping in the spare room, you say? Marvellous! Tidy his crap into a bin bag. Place the bin bag in the spare room with him and let it fill up!

Don’t scrape the skid marks though

Ah, didn’t read the pp but obvs great minds think alike

...and you are sick of nagging him to finish his job, which is what any basic human being should be able to do without prompting

DH in spare room tonight for similar. Apparently he doesn't have to take this crap. I was upset because I was trying to sort out a complaint regarding DD swimming teacher and cancelling the class, last night doing food ordering and the night before sorting out child care in the holidays while he sat on his phone.

He then listed out that he does the morning routine with DD and I dont. That's because I'm up at 5 to get into the office 3 days a week or start work at 7 for the other 2 from home. I do this so I can pick DD up and she doesn't have to go into after school club. He forgets this fact. They get up at 7.

He the pointed out he did dinner tonight (beans on bloody toast) and cleaning up afterwards. I always sort dinner out but was so bloody tired after getting up at 5 and getting in at 530 after DD club.

He goes on about the morning routine and dishwasher like it's the only fucking jobs that needs doing and that he does them.

And yes he leaves shit on the work surfaces and sink after cleaning them.

Just feel like crying tbh.

DH wfh so no commute at all.

I've just been reading 'how to talk so kids will listen'. I think some of the techniques suggested there may work in this situation. It requires a shift in thinking and takes a bit of time but it's gotta be better than nagging, which no-one likes.
Basically think about how you would feel if your dh kept nagging at you. You would actively feel resentful to do the task, not helpful.
Lots of different and thought provoking techniques in the book which could work on manchildren too.
Another idea could be to try couples counselling?
I don't think tit for tat passive aggressive game playing will improve any situation.
Good luck.

I've got one like this too. He is lovely in many ways but he has poor hygiene and needs constant reminders which do not always go down too well. I think that often they just do not see what we see. He is not stupid, he does not have poor eyesight but he really didn't know at first what I was talking about when I mentioned the poo crumbs on the toilet floor

The word 'nagging' only ever seems to be used when a woman is (often perfectly reasonably) asking a man to do something they don't want to do. It's a way of belittling you, your request, and your right to make requests of him. For me it's a completely insidious word which signals a lack of mutual respect, and I call DH out on it whenever he uses it.

i agree kokosnuss