Practical advice needed, getting divorced, he owns his own business.

[Iceland22]

I’m heartbroken but he has made up his mind so I need to be practical.

Married 10 years. He started his business about five years ago.
The building that he operates his business from is owned by him (pension fund) and rented back to the business.
He earns about 3.5k per month which 3k is dividend, £500 salary.
I don’t know where to start.

We have two girls, in the past five years I’ve only worked full time for 18 months after having one child after another (maternity leave and redundancy). Girls are 6 and 4. I can’t face the thought of 50/50 access, I want them with me.

He decided tonight. He’s not going to change his mind. I need to be practical. What do I do now?

I hear you OP. Please know you aren't alone. This is a really horrible time, but it will pass, and it will pass quicker if you look after yourself and take care of you.

Take your days in smaller chunks - an hour or half hour at a time. Be proud when you make it through a chunk.

Try to do something kind for yourself every day. A good question to ask yourself is 'what can I do to best support myself today?'. Maybe it's sleep for an hour, have a bubble bath, but some flowers, see a friend, get a massage. What would help you? Doing something that you enjoy, even for a few minutes, will help release endorphins to counter the stress hormones you've got racing round.

Can you take back any feeling of control? Is there somewhere you can escape to & make your space? Somewhere you find calming? Calming will also help counter the stress, lower your heart rate etc.

Are you eating? Even if it's little & often? I lost stacks of weight when my ex left because I couldn't eat. I started to eat with the kids, just little portions. Your body needs the fuel right now.

Do you have a good support network around you? Friends to listen, help out, give you a real life hug?

Big virtual hugs from me OK.

How are you OP? x

Thanks for asking
I’ve been to see a solicitor today. I can see just how this gets messy and expensive. Had my first 30 mins free (more like an hour, friend of a friend). I feel better but actually starting the divorce feels like a big step.
He’s living in the house but like a stranger to me. Refuses to eat food I make and so on. It’s funny I hate him but like knowing he’s here.
Solicitor thinks that as he owns the business we shouldn’t do mediation as there’s lots he can hide but it’ll cost about 3k to get his business valued if we go through solicitors and not just take the word of his accountant.
He can still go for 50/50 childcare and if it goes to court there’s no guarantee what will happen. Just taking it all in really.