Angry at life Boyf

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Help I don't know what to do...

Been with my boyf 3.5 yrs
Just moved in with his mum to save some money for a house
All is going well except he's very moody, grumpy at angry at life at the mo

He's down because he's been made redundant last year and has taken a job he hates until he finds a perm one
It's early starts and he doesn't get enough sleep

Tonight we've gone out
Our first weekend lay in together in weeks and it's ended in tears
all day he's been effing and jeffing calling things sluts and cunts ( we are cleaning out my flat so he's calling this to things in the flat )
We e gone out had a drink and in a nut shell he's just got bit silly
Was rude to the taxi driver, was being silly in the hotel lobby and when we got to the room he turned moody so pulled him up on it which ended in me leaving and driving home !

I'm sick of walking on egg shells because he's tired
He's not just tired he's rude

I've tried talking to him
We've even split over it but always back to square one

I love him but I'm sad and unhappy
All I want is to make it work

My mum says leave
But I feel so scared

Don't make the mistakes I did. Do NOT buy a house with this man. He will not change, and will continue to make him miserable.

Morning everyone

Thank you for your kind messages

I had a drink in the room getting ready, a glass of wine with my meal but I stopped after that as this was when he started getting a bit loud so it was left. Normally I wouldn't even have one drink and drive so I shouldn't have done I know.

Well I woke at 2am as it was a restless night, had 12 missed calls and lots texts asking where I was
( it all happened at 930 so I left soon after so enough time to fall into a drunken sleep and wake up to find me gone )
I went back to sleep to find more messages so at 6am as much as I didn't want to message him I did coz he kept saying things like come back to the room etc
So told him I went home

Anyway few messages exchanged and when he kept saying please come back I'm sorry I got
Fine, we can't go on like this
When I said what time are you back ? He said I'm not
I said I'm not messaging anymore and he said good

He normally says sorry once or twice then when I don't say it's ok don't worry kind of thing he says stuff like
Fine

I'm scared because I have just moved in with him and his mum
When I said it's working well
I meant the house in general here
It's a lovely house, his mums lovely and I have a little girl who's 6 who's settled in very well so the reason I'm
Scared is because it's all upheaval for her

I know she will be ok as she has me
And I'm just scared because I have to now look for somewhere else and move and as we've just done it, I'm just feeling very unsettled

My little girl however is wonderful and I know you are going to say do it for her
But as he has always been sorry
And has actually gone for counselling in the past I took him back as he's brilliant with her and they've bonded etc
I know in the long run she doesn't need that
I was just under the impression that it would always work as when it's good
I am happy and it's all I want in life
But maybe that's the problem it isn't real

I have just come out of a relationship with someone who behaved like your dp, and looking back I wasted years of my life walking on tiptoes round him and his moods.

It will be difficult for you and your dd, but honestly much better than staying with this childish and unpleasant man.

Grit your teeth and get through a few weeks/months of upheaval for the sake of a happy and relaxing future for you and your little girl.

Thing is you can analyse him to the nth degree but the bottom line is that you find him disagreeable OP and you find him hard to live with. Whether he has a problem or not he'd have to sort it out himself but he already sounds pretty indulgent already. Like he's a victim and poor poor him. Nah, I couldn't be arsed with this personally. It's not very sexy is it!

Sorry to hear that. Yes I know, I'm worried about telling him actually
Even last night he was making comments like
I'm an evil bastard and the way I'm feeling at the mo....
I will fucking do this do that
Just talking at the table in general about someone he didn't like
It's just uncomfortable and last year he gave me anxiety over it
We broke up, he begged me back
Said he was stressed and tired and showed me a different person
We worked on our issues and I took
Him back so I hate him for going back to the person I left last year !
So I will bide my time, and only tell him when I've got somewhere to go
I have deposits money but as I only work time I need a guarantor so I will struggle with that
Just looking at properties now actually

Lol no not sexy at all!

Walk away and never look back. You have a 6 year old daughter. How long until she is walking on eggshells around him and being cautious of his moods.

Leave and put yourself and your daughter first. Why would you stay in a relationship where you are unhappy? Be glad you are not tied by a mortgage

You need to get out of this relationship! Make the move today! Can you move in with your Mum temporarily until you sort something out.
It doesn't sound as though your Bf is going to have a personality change, which is what he needs.
Your little girl is fine as long as she has you and obviously your Mum and wider family.
Life's too short to be in a miserable relationship.

OMG life is too short. Leave.

He is a moody manipulative shit. You know this. Don't wait to end this, dithering about with it won't help you escape him. Go and stay with your Mum and save for the deposit. His mantrums are ridiculous.

I'm inclined to side with PPs as you say this has been him throughout your relationship. I can't imagine 3.5 yrs of this shit, let alone the rest if my life.

Relationships are about give & take on both sides, not one constantly gives and the other constantly takes... He gives out constant abuse, and you constantly take it. And he knows it. He's got too comfortable in thinking you'll never leave no matter how much crap he throws at you.

The only thing you could do to save this is to sit him down, explain exactly how his behaviour makes you feel, how you can't imagine your future like this as it's not happiness and that he needs to control himself or seek professional help if he doesn't think he can change off his own back.

Give him an ultimatum and MEAN IT -
Change or I leave

If he refuses or dismisses your feelings, then I'm afraid you have your answer. He doesn't think you're worth changing for, and your happiness isn't important to him. In which case Id advise you to leave.

Imagine this is another woman you care about - sister, daughter, mother - what would you say to them?

Will a family member be a guarantor for you? Find somewhere else to live, you can stay local so that your DD doesn't have to move schools. Get shot of your boyfriend, you will find someone else who enhances your life, not a man who makes you miserable and anxious.

Life is short. Make this year be the year you get the life you deserve.

Can your mom be your guarantor?
Dont go back to living with him. Can you stay with your mom temporarily

He sounds like a person who is knee deep in victim mentality mode, feeling really sorry for himself, looking at life completely negative and taking all this out on you! Are you a punch bag op?

Do you want to bare the moods of a person who can't be arsed to sort his mental health out?

Leave. He will drag you down, aaaaalllllll the way down. Surround yourself with positive people, HE will suck the life right out of you .

The different person he shows you is not the real him. He's nasty, vindictive and entitled! Don't t expose your child to this.

No my mums isn't an option
She doesn't earn enough to be my guarantor
I am scared.....but I know what I have to do......

Oh and as soon as someone uses the phrase 'walking on eggshells' it's obvious their life will become shittier unless they leave. I know the practicalities aren't that simple but don't commit your life and that of your child to this circus. You're worth way more!

Only my little girls dad can be but I hate I have to ask him
He's moved on and married again and I asked him if he would be my guarantor before I decided to move in here so I know he would if I was desperate but it's not fair he said

Be strong

Why do women put up with this shit for years? There's loads of decent men out there. Absolutely no reason to stay with anyone who doesn't make you truly happy.

Ok! So you can ask your little girls Dad to guarantor. Just do it! What does he mean by saying it's not fair? It's his little girl in a bad situation here with a nasty man, who slams around, threatening to "do things" to people and generally being an aggressive shit.
Tell your ex that you need to get out as he has become aggressive and you are afraid for yourself and little girl.
You've already said that you are afraid to tell him that you're leaving.
This is no good at all..
Get out now, go on your Mums settee or a friend's or something, just get away!

Don't get a house with him. He'll make you miserable.

As he has married now and was worried what his new wife would say ?!
He said he would do it if he had to

I get my little one back tonight then I work in the week everyday so it's not ideal to stay at my mums or on a sofa
My boyf mum is lovely and very supporting so I will go but it's just putting everything into place

She loves her school and it's just trying to find a property close as it's a far out village school anyway so even the next town along is fine but it has to work as I don't plan of living again for a while!!!!

He's not even come back
He was annoyed that I drove back but I don't get why

Ask your ex to be your guarantor. Tell him the situation you and your child are in. Get him and his wife on your side. You're his daughter's mum, he will help you, I'm sure. Don't be embarrassed to admit you picked a wrong 'un.

So you have two options.

1. Stay with a man who treats you like crap, and by extension your daughter. A longterm life of walking on eggshells and trying to shield your daughter from a dysfunctional relationship as she too learns to walk on eggshells and starts to believe this is what all women accept in a relationship and grows up to mirror this in her relationships.

1. Accept and own the fact you made a mistake. Have some short term upheaval and embarassment at asking dd's dad to guarantee somewhere for HIS daughter to life. And then a longterm life where you have self respect, happiness, security, and the ability to show your daughter she has a choice in her relationships.

No brainer really.

Fingerscrossed for you and good luck. You have been a single mother before and that tells me you are a strong, capable woman and can do this!