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57 replies

Aaliah1234 · 13/01/2018 16:35

Hi all,
I have a 6 month old little boy and love him to bits. However, for the past couple of weeks I have just started to feel really down. I live with my in laws (typical Asian family) and currently on maternity leave. Having a baby has been tough and I am at home 24/7. I love looking after my baby but the fact that I'm home, I'm expected to look after the entire house. It's pretty crowded and me and hubby and baby have just one room. I'm expected to cook and clean all the time and I can't go anywhere on most days because of this. I have my sister in laws living with me and we have turns to cook but the fact that there are like 14 people in a 4 bed room house makes the housework too much to bear. There is constant mess and noise and the daughter in laws are expected to clean it all. The other day MIL had a fit coz the house was not clean and we were too busy looking after our children. Honestly I'm sick of it. I can even get my own space as hubby is studying and I'm on mat leave. If I decide to go to work next year, I still won't be able to move out as I won't be able to afford childcare or rent. I feel like we r living in old times. I know that my depression is caused by my environment and honestly there's nothing I can do. I feel really suicidal and it's not for attention. I have no tolerance towards anything. I love my baby to bits but even when he cries I get annoyed. I know I should consult a doctor but I know I won't feel better until I leave this house

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IHateYourCarpet · 27/01/2018 12:35

Please forgive me if I'm being really culturally ignorant at any point, but I really don't see WHY you have to live close to them. Unless they're paying your deposit or something, they shouldn't get a say. This really is all about them wanting to control their son and you.

I really do think you should confine in your parents about how you're feeling. I know DH is being supportive, but you can never have too many people to lean on. I'm sure they'd be devastated if they knew how happy you were and they hadn't been able to support you.

Is there any possibility your parents could talk to your MIL? Or could you stay at your parents under the guise of your mum needing extra help or something? Would that seem more 'acceptable' to MIL? Even if it just gets you out for a few days.

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DaphneduM · 27/01/2018 14:13

Struggling to understand why your husband isn't earning enough to support you in an independent household, irrespective of the other issues with your in-laws, for which I totally sympathize with you. I think you should be thinking about yourself and your baby, however, and, as an interim measure go and stay with your parents. Despite all these issues, just remember, you have choices, irrespective of mother-in-law's attitude, and you deserve to have the autonomy of your own household eventually. Your maternity leave will be over at some point, and going back to your teaching profession will further help your situation as you will have your own money.

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Aaliah1234 · 27/01/2018 19:03

My husband is studying atm that's why he is unable to have a full time job to support us.

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Aaliah1234 · 27/01/2018 19:07

The reason why she wants us close is obviously for control. I have been through a lot with her. It first started off with her having an issue with me over work. She detested the idea of me going out to work and took me about 2-3 years to convince her to let me work. She had many fainting episodes over this. Then when I wanted to move, she got angry and gave me lots of warnings like watch what I do to do you if you take my son away. But anyhow, it's taken me many years to come to this but to be honest I know that she will always want to have this control over my life. I know that i will never have the independence that most people take for granted.

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Aaliah1234 · 27/01/2018 19:10

Also I know that if I get on her bad side and start arguing, my marriage would end in divorce. I know that 100%

My parents know exactly what she is like but there's no point in them talking to her because she will turn around and tell them that it's her house and they should mind their own business. I don't want my parents to be disrespected by anyone. I go there every now and then for some tlc and support.

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RaindropsAndSparkles · 27/01/2018 19:24

It might be yours or her culture but you live in England and it isn't the prevailing culture in the country of choice. Yoh need to put you and your ds first. Your dH isn't doing it. Past performance is the biggest indicator of future performance. They're having a laugh, taking advantage and your dh is being abusive by association. It's 21st Century England. You are equal to everyone else..

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username7979 · 29/01/2018 18:14

Tell your husband to grow some balls. He should put you and your DS first and stand up to his mother, the wimpy mummy's boy! The best for you would be to move away from them. Far enough to be out of their control. Close enough so you still look like you are not completely shunning them.