My partner keeps leaving me as I'm too soft and he hates seeing me being disrespected by my children

[love21]

Hi, I am new on here. Been crying for two days. My wonderful handsome bf has left me for the 4th time and told me that he has tried and tried but cannot bare to see my children talk to me like a piece of crap and he said I disrespect him by not letting us both address it. I am so soft and try to keep peace in the house and make everyone happy but it seems a hard task at times.
Sometimes we all get on famously and then an argument will happen and he will clear off in a mood or pack his few bits he keeps at mine, it makes me feel unsettled and sad as I want to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him. My children are 16 and 19 and my daughter has serious anxiety issues which are being treated - I think that's why I am soft on her as she can have extreme emotional outbursts etc. He says he loves me but now he has dumped me again. It is literally killing me not seeing him. He is my teddy bear.
I love my children more than anything in the whole world and I treat them well and I have told them how much I love them.
I just want a little bit for me. He is the one for me and I love him to the moon and back.
How can I get him back in my life.

Its making me ill

They seemed to see my weakness each-time he dumped me and they would notice I was upset or quiet.

Are you saying your DCs are more mean to you when they know you're down?
If so, that is not good.
Maybe, tho, it comes from them having many years of you being a weak person who looks to others (men?) to give her strength.

Your ex-bf has been messing you around. If he had any sensible suggestions for you, he could make them, and be prepared that you might not agree with them.
Instead, there's this on-off behaviour and you're pretty much begging him to keep on with doing that.

The crux of the issue is this; if you want people to stop treating like a doormat, then you need to stop being one. Show your kids that you won't tolerate being spoken down to or being sworn at. You need to establish rules and stick to them. Your ex has left now, so take a deep breath and move forward. He's checked out because he can't handle this, and he's done you a favour because you are going to need to stand up for yourself and toughen up, and you won't be able to do that if he's too-ing and fro-ing and adding to the stress.

It's going to feel horrible for a while, but you will be okay soon. Cry things out of your system, it's allowed and it's cathartic, and for goodness sake, burn that pile of Mills and Boon trash, it's not done you any favours. Being a woman is really bloody hard, especially when flaky men come into the equation, and teenagers are like aliens; having them is like running a gauntlet.

You don't need a man to rescue you or take care of you, you are a grown woman who should be able to take care of herself. It's tough love, but sometimes it's necessary.

Do you think myself and my daughter should join the gym together. I know I have to stop obsessing over my ex bf so I am wondering if the gym would help. Not mentioned it so far but my daughter is being treated for Bipolar. Its a bitch of an illness and I do my utmost to help her. Loved having his support when he was here and that hug when things got bad.

I think you should keep your adult and mear adult kids out of your relationships and your emotions tbh.

If you are going to the gym to distract yourself and get him out of your head then, no, leave your daughter out of it.

If you are going to get fit and think that it would be a good way to spend quality time with her, then tell her you are going and that she is welcome to join you.

I think you need to be more resilient and take responsibility for your own emotional wellbeing rather than looking to others to do it for you.

As someone else said, if you don't want to be treated like a doormat, stop behaving like one!

So you went for a beer with him. And brought his work clothes.
Because every single item of clothing he could possibly have worn was at yours, right?
And because there was no way he could possibly havd gone out of his own way - having dumped you, again - to pick them up.

What you have just told him is that he's allowed to treat you like shit. So next time he wants you back he knows he can do it all over again.

You know that horrible sick stomach feeling you have right now? Your heart hurting?

You need to understand that it isn't caused by his absence, and therefore you fix it by having him back.

It is caused by the shitty way he treats you - so the cure is getting rid of him for good.

You either ride out the pain now and it's DONE, or you him back again and again and you get to feel this shit again and again.

As to the gym - very wise words from Peaceful.