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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What would you do

45 replies

looondonn · 12/01/2018 22:36

If at 37 weeks pregnant partner had s go at you all weekend. Wakes up in a mood and attempts to throw a table at you??

If they fight with you daily for not walking fast enough??

He shouted at me in a full restaurant because I didn't walk in beside him was 39 weeks pg had not slept night before .

Pretty dismal
No where to go and too shocked/scared to tell family :(

OP posts:
BifsWif · 12/01/2018 22:38

Please tell your family and leave.

He is abusive and is likely to get worse when baby is here.

DreamingofItaly · 12/01/2018 22:41

Please tell your family and leave. Make yourself safe.

Schlimbesserung · 12/01/2018 22:48

Your family will be shocked and worried but give them the chance to help you. Also contact Women's Aid or similar. Please.

Rudgie47 · 12/01/2018 22:48

I'd leave him.

Miranda15110 · 12/01/2018 22:52

Go to your family. Don't tell him you are leaving just do it. You are putting yourself and your baby at risk of serious harm if you stay a moment longer than you need to. You don't need him I promise you x

PurpleDaisies · 12/01/2018 22:54

If this happened to your friend, what would you tell them to do?

mehhh · 12/01/2018 23:02

Please tell your family and leave... that is horrendous xx

Ohyesiam · 12/01/2018 23:11

Tell your family. Tell anyone you can get away to.
Please protect yourself and your baby

Greensleeves · 12/01/2018 23:15

I'm so sorry, this must be incredibly stressful Sad

You need to be safe, and so does your baby. Please get yourself away from this abusive man Flowers

Original poster
looondonn · 12/01/2018 23:44

Yes true

Scared though

A lot of the time he is very nice apart from when he does not get his own way

Messed up!!!!

OP posts:
Mooncuplanding · 12/01/2018 23:47

You need to leave him

Original poster
looondonn · 12/01/2018 23:53

I know what I would tell a friend

It is scary
No where to go
Baby stuff here

I left the house In middle of night due to fight at 39 weeks
Could have gone into labour in the taxi

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 12/01/2018 23:56

Do you have nobody near enough that you could go to? If not then phone Women's Aid. Please don't stay Sad this man is volatile and dangerous

Original poster
looondonn · 12/01/2018 23:57

This is on top of cheating and at 5 months telling me to move or he would push me to the ground
Nice

When I leave or even try he cries and cries and tells me he will hurt someone on the street or kill himself

Smashed laptop and phone infront of me at30 weeks
List is long

Am a bit numb now

Then the over the top being nice goes on to make me forget and get past the threats etc

Not good in anyway

OP posts:
Sn0tnose · 13/01/2018 00:00

I promise you, his behaviour is not going to get better. It's only going to deteriorate. It's started with shouting and throwing things at you. Then it'll be pushes and shoves. Then slaps and punches and kicks. And each time, he'll be sorry afterwards. And then he'll be nice and loving and caring.

Until the next time he doesn't get his own way. Or you say something he doesn't want you to say. Or you wear the wrong top. Or cook something he didn't want for dinner. Or he's had a bad day at work. Or it's raining.

I grew up with domestic violence. I'm now in my forties and my DH knows not to shout if we're having a row, or stand too close or move too quickly, because it still shakes and scares me.

Greensleeves · 13/01/2018 00:01

Sweetheart you have got to get yourself out of this situation

If he threatens to kill himself, tell him to get on with it

He is terrorising you Angry

You and your baby deserve to be safe and happy. Don't worry about your stuff for now, if you have anyone you can go to - a friend, anyone - pack a few essentials and GO

cordeliavorkosigan · 13/01/2018 00:03

You have to leave. He won't kill himself, he's just being a manipulative abusive arse. Hope you're ok.

Original poster
looondonn · 13/01/2018 00:04

My daughter will not see this

She has experienced enough In the womb already

Part of me thinks - hang on mother of his child he will calm down and take it easy from now on

3/4 of me thinks - yea right wait for the next row probably a matter of days away !!

Family in a different country
One friend knows small parts she wants to call police ASAP
I can't let her (for now)!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 13/01/2018 00:07

The 3/4 of you is right, you know that

I know it's terrifying but you need to get yourself to safety - can you go to your friend? You can talk to her about what to do next once you're out of there and safe. My experience of abusive relationships is that they get worse once the baby arrives, not better - don't let that happen xx

misssmilla1 · 13/01/2018 00:08

Unfortunately, most abuse gets worse, not better after the baby is born, if there's a history of it already.

When the baby is here, it'll come first, and your partner (and you) will have to take a back seat at times. If he hates not getting his own way and this is a trigger, then this is a massive issue and red flag imo

Please call womens aid -- they can help advise you on what you can do next.

Do you own or rent together? do you have joint or separate bank accounts?

PurpleDaisies · 13/01/2018 00:10

Part of me thinks - hang on mother of his child he will calm down and take it easy from now on

Presumably you have thought that before? How did it actually work out?

It isn’t “his” child. You’re it’s mother and you need to step up to keep him or her safe.

Original poster
looondonn · 13/01/2018 00:16

Rang woman's aid
They were great was a while ago
Will try again

Also will tell friend it is still happening

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 13/01/2018 00:20

Good for you OP, you can do it

Keep posting here, MN has saved my bacon so many times. You're not alone xx

Original poster
looondonn · 13/01/2018 00:23

Will keep you guys updated

Saw a small glimpse of this behaviour pre preg he told me I was imagining things it was my fault blah blah

During pregnancy an incident every single month from about week 6 onwards

6 times I packed my bags and got to a hotel or left the country - then he somehow manages to let me believe it was mostly my fault and I return after a week or so

Feeble

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 13/01/2018 00:25

No, you're not feeble at all

This is one of the most stressful and horrible experiences a person can go through, and you're pregnant as well, don't be so hard on yourself

the important thing is to make changes now, so when your baby comes you will be safe and able to focus on what really matters, not this cowardly fuckwad x

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