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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What would you do

45 replies

looondonn · 12/01/2018 22:36

If at 37 weeks pregnant partner had s go at you all weekend. Wakes up in a mood and attempts to throw a table at you??

If they fight with you daily for not walking fast enough??

He shouted at me in a full restaurant because I didn't walk in beside him was 39 weeks pg had not slept night before .

Pretty dismal
No where to go and too shocked/scared to tell family :(

OP posts:
Original poster
looondonn · 13/01/2018 00:29

Have a stash of money saved and a plan

Thing is he will be so upset at not being there for his daughter

He got her lots of stuff
Set up pram etc

Did all of that then yells at me for going too slow amongst other things
:(

OP posts:
parklives · 13/01/2018 00:41

You do need to leave op. Please leave, I hate to imagine how scared you are, but for your own safety you need to leave now.

Fluffychickenmonkey · 13/01/2018 00:44

It’s never your fault. Please save yourself and your daughter, you are on a highway to misery.

Sn0tnose · 13/01/2018 01:11

Thing is he will be so upset at not being there for his daughter No he won't. If he was that concerned about being there for his daughter, he wouldn't have thrown a table at you when you're carrying her inside you. He wouldn't have upset you. He wouldn't have threatened to push you on the ground. The things he has done are similar to when he's nice to you. What happens when he loses his temper with her?

Greensleeves · 13/01/2018 01:14

Tough shit if he's upset! He's had the opportunity to be worthy of his family and he's pissed it away.

You are NOT responsible for his happiness. At all. You're not responsible for his relationship with his child, either. You're responsible for your and your baby's safety and wellbeing.

MiddleClassProblem · 13/01/2018 01:27

Don’t forget this feeling. It can easily subside or be manipulated away. Just remember all the things that hand happened and not one of th should have due to his behaviour. You and your DD both deserve to be happy and safe. If he threatens to hurt someone or himself you have a reason to call the police. If you are worried his threats are real, if he ever did those things then that’s on him, not you.

Original poster
looondonn · 13/01/2018 03:24

Thank you guys

Can't sleep

Much appreciate the advice

All very much needed

A good kick up my behind is also needed

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 13/01/2018 03:27

I can't sleep either (new baby kittens arriving tomorrow and I'm too excited)

Giving you a virtual hand-hold Flowers

Things will get better, you'll look back on this one day and it won't be painful any more xx

FastWindow · 13/01/2018 03:35

Jesus Fuck, if he isn't treating you like a crystal vase while you're pregnant with his child, it won't be any better after you have the baby. Get the fuck out, go to your mums. That is my very best advice. All the other stuff can be dealt with after.
Your baby's father is very much best avoided - he does not have your best interests at heart. If he did, he'd be a proper sweetheart, like normal dads - to-be. They bring you tea and toast in bed. A lot.

ellesbellesxxx · 13/01/2018 04:18

Sleep deprivation and potential jealousy that your attention will be on baby means this man's behaviour is going to get worse not better.. do you want your daughter to witness this behaviour?
Please leave.. you can do this alone, you will be given support but your post has literally given me shivers.. he is not a nice man.

LMC84 · 13/01/2018 04:28

I cannot believe what I've just read
I hope your ok and I wish you well
X

balljuggla · 13/01/2018 04:37

I'm almost 39 weeks pregnant too, I can't imagine how hard this is for you. As others have said, you need to get to a place of safety ASAP, for your baby and yourself. He could very easily end up being abusive to her too. Just wanted to add a handhold and tell you that you can do this, it's an awful situation and I really feel for you xxx

Paperdoll16 · 13/01/2018 06:28

With that sort of explosive temper I would be extremely concerned for your newborn baby once she is here. Her crying at night is going to make him more likely to blow; at you or her.

Please please do get help. Tell your midwife- she will support you. This is not a safe relationship. Thanks

vwlphb · 13/01/2018 06:34

Buying things for the baby is a way of showing off for others and establishing the story of what a fantastic fellow he is.

When there’s nobody around to see the way he treats you, he doesn’t need to put on a show anymore. This is who he really is.

Leave before he hurts you or your baby seriously. Or worse.

Wallywobbles · 13/01/2018 06:53

It's so much harder to leave with a baby. Please leave now.

Angelf1sh · 13/01/2018 07:21

Leave. Now. Forget the baby stuff, it’s just stuff. Take your money and go before this gets worse. Because it will get worse once there’s a crying baby in the house. If he wants to kill himself then let him. He won’t though because it’s a lie designed to control you. Don’t let him control you again. Don’t fool for his shit again. Go to your friend. Now. Don’t tell him you’re leaving, just go.

Shoxfordian · 13/01/2018 08:22

Hope you got some sleep

Please tell your family and leave today if you can

MiddleClassProblem · 13/01/2018 10:17

Good luck. Know you deserve better and this is not what a relationship should be like Flowers

glitterfarts · 13/01/2018 18:42

If you can, I'd possibly head home to your parents overseas as he can't stop you. Once the baby is here, he can stop you.

Original poster
looondonn · 15/09/2018 22:42

this is sad to sit down and read back over this

just a warning for others who are thinking about leaving

few weeks after this was posted
with innocent baby around
surprise surprise he got worse
he eventually tried to kill me
then made me keep it a secret or he would kill the remaining members of my family

posted on here earlier about how i went to police
will keep you all updated

OP posts:
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