He's say he will go for join custody if I go ahead with my plans to leave?!?

[potatoes13]

I've recently told my EA, angry horrible partner of my plans to leave with our 2 young children. I would allow him as much access as he wants at his convenience which would allow him to continue his high pressure well payed job. He's saying if I do leave he will go for joint custody (I will have to go back to work full time without maintenance) and put the childcare rather than let me have them???? I think he's trying to blackmail me into staying. He struggles at the best of times looking after them just for a day whilst I work?!!! Help!!!!

Well done OP keep at it ... as others have said, call his bluff

I regret to say that a UK family court is very likely to agree to 50:50 and external care rather than a child being cared for by their parent. Do i think this is good for that child, that family, and even the country in the future? No I dont. I think it is good for particularly fathers who wish to become "can pay wont pay" dads and emotional abusers. Do I again think a family court gives a shit about that and about you as mum? No they dont. Sorry. Time to join the campaign on domestic abuse through the family courts.

greenlanes do you have any evidence for that%z?

I think if he still whittles on about 50/50 just ask him if he wants the beginning or the end of the week ie Sunday to Wednesday morning/Wednesday afternoon to Saturday ? He will not take you up on it

Realistically, he's not going to want to pay for childcare - drop them to and from childcare, feed them/put them to bed afterwards - for 50-50 of the time. He may get threatening - just call his bluff.

If he's an abusive arsehole, he'll get more threatening while you're pulling away from him. Just ignore him. Be "grey rock" is a good piece of advice. Don't try to reason with him, or justify yourself. That way madness lies.

Update!! He's come to his senses and will have the children every Thursday and EOW! Thanks for your support. Tomorrow we have to tell the children one 6 the other nearly 3, dreading it!! Next Friday I move into a flat😔. 40, 2 young children, on my own and living in a flat! Not exactly my plan but it has to be done!!

He has also said he will give me money as per government child maintenance calculator, I'll manage.

:o:o What a surprise ...............NOT!!!!

They all think that they are so clever and original but whenever a woman posts the shit they come out with on here, there are reams of replies saying "Yeah, they all try that" pathetically predictable.

Go you! And remember, every single thing he says from now on will be to benefit him (even if he dresses it up as "for the kids") so do not agree to ANYTHING without advice. Whenever he says anything say "Ok well I will think about that" and dont be railroaded.

Well done OP

Happy to say I told you so!!!

And you may be in a flat with 2 kids but it will be a happy flat. Enjoy

🙂

Ah how predictable! There will be more tactics to come btw!

I'm ready!!!

What a shock he has changed his tune OP .

I get the starting again in a flat on your own with the DC, its overwhelming. On the plus side, this is YOUR home where YOU call the shots.

All the best in your new home .