Angry at SIL

[Champagneandthestars]

DH's brother has been recently freed from prison after serving 3 years (sentenced to 8) for possessing indecent images of children, sex with a 13 year old boy and making indecent images.

When he was first arrested BIL asked if he could stay with them (as not able to stay with his mum due to her location) SIL rightly put her foot down and said no. He is now out (after reoffending in prison so not a changed man) and he lived in their house for a week and spent Christmas with them! They have 2 girls, we have 2 boys - I feel like they think it's ok to have him round their girls as he offended against a male.

It feels like the whole family think we are unreasonable for not allowing our children in the same house as him. The girls have even expressed 'oh he's harmless'. I think if they had boys their outlook would be different and it really upsets me that they think they're 'all right' because they have girls and that we are unreasonable!

I feel most angry at SIL that she has allowed this to happen I feel to be 'a cool wife' who does whatever her husband asks. It's really made me dislike her. Where do we go from here?

mummyoflittledragon - I imagine (and hope) that OP meant that if MIL continued to minimise and possibly allow BIL contact with OPs dc, then MIL will not be allowed access to OPs dc.

I get the feeling that MIL would manipulate Ops dc into the same room as BIL, as 'he is not a danger' and she'd 'be keeping an eye'...

But anyone who thinks a 13yo can entrap a fully-grown man in to sex - is as bad as he is. [angry[

Vile people. I'd go NC and move as far away as I possibly could, while dropping BIL in it from a great height.

I hope his parole stipulates that he doesn't go near children, and I hope his breaking that condition means that he is put back where he belongs.

Dont trust your MIL - never leave your DC with her - she will invite BIL over just to prove your wrong. She is in denial and deluded.

Dont worry about reporting - it can be anonymous - you are saving some other child from horror.

Why would he choose break his parole conditions if he had any remorse? Why are they complicit in this? If he is pushing this boundary - what else is he doing/plotting.

He is high risk and your relatives cant accept this.

REPORT

Why would you want to even remain in contact with the Mother, people like her that minimise allow people like your BIL to feel normal because they are forgiven. People like your MIL make them feel less of the monsters they truly are.

Report and have nothing to do with any of them.

I agree with everyone else: do not let your MIL have your children without you being there as there's a real risk she'll let this offender spend time with them. She's enabling his behaviour.

And report his visits to your relatives, please.

This is awful. I'm so sorry. Thank goodness your children have you to protect them.

In addition to reporting you also need to be sure you speak to your children about him he mustn't be allowed to be the mysterious uncle no one talks about who turns up at x to meet them etc

Could there have been a problem in the family that you husband was not aware of? It feels as if their attitudes- PIL, brother as well as the offender and SIL are normalising abuse.

I wouldn't want my DC anywhere near any of the ILs if they can excuse BIL's behaviour. I'm also not sure why you're putting all the blame on SIL?

I would have no more contact with them - they are showing you who they are.

OP you NEED to report them to Social Services. These are totally unfit parents and those children are in immediate danger. I would even consider calling out of hours Social Care

I would go NC or at least low contact. We are NC with MIL’s husband because he is a vile, alcoholic wife beater who hits her. He’s also a manipulative liar and a narc.

He is never allowed to see my DD. Ever. MIL comes to see us sometimes without him. But we have made it clear now that we don’t want him around. It is an uncomfortable arrangement but it is the best thing for all concerned.

She also thinks that their relationship is fine. That she deserves his treatment and that anyone would do what he does under the right circumstances.

We are NC with MIL’s husband because he is a vile, alcoholic wife beater who hits her. He’s also a manipulative liar and a narc.

She also thinks that their relationship is fine. That she deserves his treatment and that anyone would do what he does under the right circumstances.

These two sentences are terrifying - but explain exactly what enabling is - the IL's in many ways could be considered worse than the abuser - an abuser might be mentally ill/evil/entitled etc -- but anyone watching from the side lines surely has a moral compass and clear perspective to see what is wrong? These people are dangerous and could allow (maybe unconsciously) this to happen to someone else (your kids, your DNs) and stand by.