Angry at SIL

[Champagneandthestars]

DH's brother has been recently freed from prison after serving 3 years (sentenced to 8) for possessing indecent images of children, sex with a 13 year old boy and making indecent images.

When he was first arrested BIL asked if he could stay with them (as not able to stay with his mum due to her location) SIL rightly put her foot down and said no. He is now out (after reoffending in prison so not a changed man) and he lived in their house for a week and spent Christmas with them! They have 2 girls, we have 2 boys - I feel like they think it's ok to have him round their girls as he offended against a male.

It feels like the whole family think we are unreasonable for not allowing our children in the same house as him. The girls have even expressed 'oh he's harmless'. I think if they had boys their outlook would be different and it really upsets me that they think they're 'all right' because they have girls and that we are unreasonable!

I feel most angry at SIL that she has allowed this to happen I feel to be 'a cool wife' who does whatever her husband asks. It's really made me dislike her. Where do we go from here?

I think you are misplacing your anger -

So there are 3 brothers, one of whom is guilty of indecent assault and his brothers, your SIL and MIL all want you to forgive him

You need to talk to your husband and report him

Btw, does your DH agree with you?

But yes, yabu to be angry at ‘just’ SIL. There are several adults involved in this situation...

Surely, he has a restricted license for his early release and would not be allowed to live in a house with young children? Just report him to the authorities.

I don’t think you are the squares of the family. You sound as if you’re the only ones with good boundaries. I’d definitely report the week long stay so that the situation with the girls can be investigated and the family educated. Then go nc again if you want. Appalling.

DH is furious at their minimising. It has cast a seriously dark cloud over things. He confronted his mum about it and told her B will never see children or she won't see them again. She cried - SIL and BIL just sat there. He's not living anywhere near now but is still very much the spectre at the feast and seems to visit but they keep when and how often very quiet.

I think you need to look carefully at whether you want to remain in contact with this family.
If you weren't in contact for 10 years you must have had good reasons.
Their behaviour in these circumstances show that they have some seriously messed up dynamics. There is certainly no way I would allow any of them access to my children without heavy supervision. I would also be explaining to my children why - BIL hurt a teenager and the rest of the family can't be trusted to protect them in similar circumstances.

Sorry I don’t understand your second sentence. Do you mean she said she wouldn’t see the children again if you deny access to her paedophilic son?

Stick to your guns. No matter what the rest of the family say, you know that he’s a type of predator and should not be trusted. Just because it’s boy children he picks on doesn’t mean he can’t use images of girls to ‘pay’ for what he actually wants. Your SIL is a fucking idiot.

My BIL was taken to court for viewing indecent images of boys. He’s not seen either of my children since he told his brother, my DH. That was about 3 years ago. He won’t tell MIL or FIL or his other brother so it’s just us who know, the only ones with young children. How he explains not seeing his niece and nephew I don’t know. And I don’t care. I know we’re right to go nc.

If he's capable of anally raping a child it makes no difference if that child is male or female. Your SIL is putting her DC in danger, and I don't think I could stand by and not report it.

You need to report to social services. Get the
Local number they will ask your concern and names of the bill etc.

You can do it anomousley. They will go round and visit and do a risk asses.

Your right to not trust mil etc. a lot of people minimize sex crimes with people they know and then ignore when they are presented with something happening under their nose.

Also his license agreement would be he cannot stay overnight in a house with a child or have unsupervised access to children.

They genuinely think it was an equal relationship between BIL and child, at worst he was entrapped by child

Good God, people like this are almost as bad as paedophiles themselves.

I dont think there’s any going back from this tbh, cut contact permanently. I don’t see how anyone can defend a paedophile, never mind grant them access to children, family or not.

Into

Worse or at least just as bad, imo. One of the reasons so many pedophiles even managed to offend (let alone reoffend) is because some people actively protect and enable pedophiles...

You're SIL can be as 'cool' with it as she wants. I bet Social Services would have a thing to say about her allowing convicted peadophile/rapist access to her children

They have told you all you need to know. They will excuse and ignore his behaviour so your children aren't safe. This isn't sex with a 13 year old: it's grooming and raping a child.

Be warned: the are are lots of cases of family members abusing children in a room full of people on the same sofa as their parents under a cushion or blanket during family movie time. You children are not safe in his company ever and are not safe at any of these family member's houses as they will allow him to 'unexpectedl'y turn up when you didn't know about it. Also, he might not be attracted to girls but providing pictures of them or access to them in exchange for pictures or access to other pedophile's children is how pedophile's work.

There is certainly no way I would allow any of them access to my children without heavy supervision.

This ^^ regardless of what they say or promise.

NC wouldn't be unreasonable. It doesn't matter how square they think you are, there are a lot worse things than being square, and they're it.

thethought
Thanks for the insight

Step away from them lass.

Why even stay in contact with people who are willing to put your DC at risk!

They blame a 13 year old boy for trapping him ffs.

I would strongly consider breaking contact with the whole lot of them to keep your children safe. At the very least buy your children an alarm watch to notify you by text the second they find themselves in his presence. It's really good that your DH is standing up to them. They all sound a bit soft in he head.

I would run away from every single one of these family members as quickly as I possibly could. Anyone that could maintain any level of contact with a known paedophile is a danger around your children.

We are NC with my PIL because he is a paedophile. Over my dead body is that mother fucker breathing the same air as my DC EVER again!!

Jesus wept
This is probably the worst thread I have read.
Are these people fucking deranged???
All I can say is to concur wholeheartedly with what other posters say.
Report, report report.
Then cut this morally bankrupt stupid family out of your lives.
God, who needs this in their lives???
Report and wash your hands of them ALL.
You know that you are protecting your children and by reporting him you are protecting other children.